SermonIndex Audio Sermons
Image Map
Discussion Forum : General Topics : How do you deal with the death of an unsaved loved one?

Print Thread (PDF)


Joined: 2009/8/26
Posts: 2
Rochester, New York

 How do you deal with the death of an unsaved loved one?

Has anybody wrestled with this? A family member in their mid-80's recently died and it appears that she was not saved, but my spouse is wrestling with guilt... any thought or scriptures on this matter? Thanks. Doug

Doug Renz

 2009/8/26 12:58Profile

Joined: 2008/10/25
Posts: 1196
North Central Florida

 Re: How do you deal with the death of an unsaved loved one?

Good day,

Last April my Step Father died. Although he claimed to be a Christian he was a member of a very 'feel good' church and did not show fruit of a Christian. The preacher spoke to me after the memorial service and told me that if my Step Father was not in heaven, no one would get there. I was stunned at his comment. I certainly am not passing judgment but having often felt the judgment passed on my husband and myself from my Step Father, I can only hope God does not judge him as harshly as he did us.

My concern now, is with the living, unsaved family members who believe they are saved. They do not want to hear what I have to say.

It is only thorough the Grace of Jesus I am saved and able to pray for them. I try to focus on Him and praise Him. What He wants will come about in His good time.

Kind regards,
white stone


 2009/8/26 13:16Profile

Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057

 Re: How do you deal with the death of an unsaved loved one?

Greetings doug

I am sorry to hear of your wife's loss. I think I understand what she may be going through. My own dad past away just a little over a week ago and while we knew he was ill with heart troubles it came as a complete shock to discover he had lung cancer.

My dad for the most part spent most of his life living for self. He followed some of the Catholic church traditions but had a very confused understanding of what following Jesus really means. The past months leading up to his death, I tried to share some things with him. Tried to share with him about what it means to really repent and cry out to the Lord. I tried to share with him about what it means to have a personal relationship with Jesus, living daily for Him. Sadly he was convinced that as long as he believed in Jesus his way, he would be fine. He said prayers, lit candles, and confessed to the priest many times, but would not listen to anything that I shared with him.

IT was really hard for me once he went into the hospital this last time, he was so weak and so sick that he could hardly speak. I was miles away in another state and could not be there with him directly. That first night that I heard he was in intensive care I kept thinking about a teaching that I had just listened to, about hell. I remember hearing how long the suffering in eternity would go on for those who reject Jesus would be. "Billions upon trillions of years would pass and those in hell would cry out for death to come, but it would not come. There would be no release from the suffering." I prayed Father please let my dad some how see his need to repent, please let him see even in these last days that he needs you. My sister who also is a christian was able to speak with my dad for just a few short minutes on the phone he told her that he was praying a simple prayer, "I know I'm a sinner, Jesus save me." I prayed all the harder and asked the Lord to just let my dad really be sincere in what he said. I later found out that he called for a priest to give his confession and receive last rites just before he died. What did that mean, had he not been sincere in what he said...

Its been nine days since he passed and I still have the question in my heart, is he in hell? The truth is I don't know, I am not going to judge what was in his heart those last few moments that he had life in him. I don't know what my dad spoke to the Lord in his heart during that time, but I trust Jesus. I have faith that He is capable of handling this. The enemy tries to plague me with dark thoughts and guilt. Guilt that I did not try hard enough, say more or do more to try and reach my dad but in the end I have to keep my focus on the Lord and just simply have trust and have faith that His will be done.

When all is said and done we do need to be about the living, share with your wife if you feel led, to ask God if there are areas in her relationship with her deceased family member that she was in sin with. If so, repent of those things that the Holy Spirit shows her and learn from it. Speak to those that are still here with us, share with them about the cross and the love Jesus has for them, and then just trust and have faith that His will be done. That is what I am seeking to walk out daily. Taking each day minute by minute keeping my focus on the Lord.

God Bless you both
much love

 2009/8/26 14:20Profile

Joined: 2009/8/25
Posts: 18

 Re: How do you deal with the death of an unsaved loved one?

My father recently passed away. I have prayed for decades, believing God for the salvation of each and every member of my family. At the time of his death my father did not appear to be saved, he did not confess salvation in Christ, nor was their any other sign of his salvation.

Four years ago the Lord (as he often has) gave me a personal word of comfort in a dream regarding my parents. The message in this dream is as clear today as it was then. The long and short of it is that both of my parents were clothed in wedding garb and solemnly entering into a beautiful place of truth together. Upon my father passing, the Lord quickened this dream to me every time I wrestled with whether or not my father passed into the Lords loving arms when he died, and I have an assurance that this matter is in the Lord's hands.

I don't know how the Lord ministered to my father on his death bed - I don't need to know, but I do know that His thoughts and ways are beyond my reach and that all things are possible with God.

(Isa 55:7) Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.

(Isa 55:8) For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.

(Isa 55:9) For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

(2Pe 3:9) The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

(Mar 10:23) And Jesus looked round about, and saith unto his disciples, How hardly shall they that have riches enter into the kingdom of God!

(Mar 10:24) And the disciples were astonished at his words. But Jesus answereth again, and saith unto them, Children, how hard is it for them that trust in riches to enter into the kingdom of God!

(Mar 10:25) It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

(Mar 10:26) And they were astonished out of measure, saying among themselves, Who then can be saved?

(Mar 10:27) And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.


 2009/8/26 14:37Profile

 Re: How do you deal with the death of an unsaved loved one?

I have a great deal of sympathy for all those who lose a loved one. I understand the pain and the agony and the tremendously difficult circumstances it can be to share with loved one's. One would think it would be easier, but my experience has taught me differently. Yet,ultimately I have to trust in Scripture to be my guiding light. The Scriptures say that "you will know them by their fruit," or by "their love for one another," meaning for fellow Christians. I do believe in death bed salvations, I believe that while their is yet breath in the body then one has an opportunity to cry out to God just as the thief on the cross did. If a loved one makes a confession of faith at this point it would not be for us to second guess that and I would simply take that at face value. I have to say though, if someone lives their life for themselves, make no death bed confession, and has never shown any fruits of repentence, then there would be nor reason to belive that person is saved. And as distasteful as that is, and painful, one has to accept the reality of what it means to die without Christ. God would certainly have that no one would be lost, this is the heart of the Father, yet we also have free will. There is a reason that there is a heaven and hell and not just a heaven. Our God is a perfeclty just God, He is justice itself. He never deviates from what He is , He is perfect and immutable. And while this is a great source of Joy, it also becomes a terror to those who are perishing. HIs perfect justice demands consitancy. That is why every single human is judged according to the same standard, He is no respector of persons, all men are equal in the eyes of God. Again, a great source of rejoicing because this is the opposite of what we find in the world, and it matters not to God whether one is a peasant or a King, and also a source of terror because this never changes under any circumstances. The standard is always the same, what did you do with Calvary?

If any of you reading this have children then you understand what it means to watch them suffer. Some may even have endured the agony of watching them suffer and die. Imagine if you sacrificed one of your children to save someone and that person came up and spat right in your eye, laughed and went on with their life totaly ignoring your sacrifice. This is what every person who lives their lives for themselves do when they ignore Calvary.

The reality is, that every day, mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and husbands and wives are perishing and going to hell. And while we are called to share the Gospel, all of those people will give an account for their own lives. Jesus will either acknowledge that He knows them, or that He does not.........Frank

 2009/8/26 19:22

Promoting Genuine Biblical Revival.
Privacy Policy