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 What he must be by Voddie Baucham (4 pt radio series)

[url=http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=dnJHKLNnFoG&b=3832113&ct=7241139&DCMP=BAC-FLT+HP+Broadcast+Link&ATT=BoxLink]Listen here[/url]

[b]Step Up Young Man[/b]
Series Title: What He Must Be (Day 1 of 4)
Program: FamilyLife Today (25 Minutes)
Airdate: 8/17/2009 12:00:00 AM

TRANSCRIPT:

Bob: All right. Let’s say there is a young man who is interested in your daughter.

Dennis: A young man kind of circling your daughter right now.

Voddie Baucham: A vulture.

(laughter)

Bob: He’s hanging around and maybe he’s even come and asked for your permission to spend time with her…but he’s not the guy.

Voddie: He’s already stolen her heart. I’m saying that’s not a good guy. That’s a poacher.

(laughter)

Bob: Voddie Baucham says you have an assignment as a dad. The first assignment is to protect your daughter but your assignment doesn’t stop there.

Voddie: Don’t be so selfish. This guy comes and he’s not the guy for your daughter. You just throw him away but you have an opportunity in that young man’s life.( Read Full Transcript )


Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, August 17, 2009. Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine. We have an assignment as dads and as moms to raise up sons and daughters who are ready to say “I do.”

And welcome to FamilyLife Today! Thanks for joining us. Back when you wrote your book, Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date I remember people said to you afterwards when are you going to write the next one for interviewing the man who has dated for a while and now is ready to …

Dennis: Ready to be your son in law.

Bob: To close the deal.

Dennis: Right.

Bob: I think somebody beat you to the punch, don’t you?

Dennis: I’ve found the companion book. All the dads who have been interviewing their daughters date you now have when he shows up and wants her hand and then the rest of her you have an assignment before you make the hand off.

Before I introduce our guest on today’s broadcast I want to turn to our listeners and I want to say thanks to those listeners who have participated with us over the past six to eight months who have participated in our ministry financially and given sacrificially.

For those who have prayed for us that God would provide I want you to know this really has been the most challenging year I personally have ever faced in 33 years of helping the lead FamilyLife. As I’ve mentioned on a number of occasions we have cut our budget 20 percent and had two lay offs. We’ve pulled back in every possible area except in our ministry to you as a listener.

Again I want to say thanks and I want to remind our listeners that FamilyLife ends its ministry year August 31st. For those of you who have been impacted by FamilyLife Today perhaps our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference or the HomeBuilders. All those things were designed by us to help better equip you. I would like to ask you to continue to stand with us and perhaps consider a gift as our ministry year comes to a close.

For those of you who have never given to FamilyLife Today could I ask you to make a gift today to stand with us? I want you to know that I need your help and we are trying to finish strong here and wanted to ask you that.

Bob: You can make a donation online at FamilyLife Today.com or you can call and make a donation over the phone at 1-800-FL-TODAY. We do appreciate those of you who are able to help with financial support for this ministry. We are listener supported and we really appreciate your partnership with us.

Dennis: Now we need to get back to the topic at hand of equipping dads for the hand off. To may be have a few words with the young man who gets his daughter. Joining us to do that is Voddie Baucham. Voddie welcome to FamilyLife Today.

Voddie: Thank you. It’s good to be here.

Dennis: He’s been with us before Bob. You know he is a pastor in Houston. He’s a professor, father, husband of one wife and five children. Praying for five more children.

Voddie: Yes, sir.

Dennis: We’re talking about a visionary here.

(laughter)

Dennis: Here’s the thing Voddie. I really am excited about what you’ve written. The name of the book is What He Must Be.

Bob: And then the subtitle.

Dennis: If he wants to marry my daughter.

Bob: There we got it.

Dennis: I’m a little surprised you didn’t put “my” in all capital letters.

(laughter)

Dennis: Because we’ve interviewed you before and I’m trying to picture any young man who wants to marry your daughter, Jasmine.

Voddie: Yes, sir.

Dennis: It’s like step on up young man.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Dennis: You’re like me though and I’ve had this thought—the hand off at a wedding has become traditional and almost meaningless.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Dennis: When I made the hand off of my daughter, Ashley, I decided if I was going to pay for the wedding then I was going to get some face time with the young man who got the hand.

Voddie: Amen.

Dennis: So I began to meet with him over a period of days and ultimately weeks to talk to him about several issues that I wanted to make sure they were in place. That’s really where you are as well, isn’t it?

Voddie: Absolutely. It’s too important. Again what I try to point out in the book is that this carry over idea of the father giving away his daughter comes from a biblical perspective. We see that for example in Jeremiah 29 that we are to give our daughters in marriage. I think inherent in that is this concept of responsibility for vetting the candidate. We are putting ourselves on the hook and saying as the one responsible for this young lady I can say before God and these witnesses that I’ve tested this one and he’s worthy. If we are going to do that we better do some homework. We better do some investigating and we better do some investing in this young man who is going to be the father of our grandchildren.

Bob: As you are describing this I’m thinking I am a father who has given away two daughters to two wonderful young men. But I’ve also been aware here’s been the tension in my heart these young men who I have given my daughters to are farther ahead on their understanding on what it means to be a man when I gave my daughters to them then I was when I became a husband.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Bob: But it is hard for me as a dad and a mature man to look at a younger man and think is he ready? I want him to be at an advanced level of maturity that he doesn’t have enough years to have yet. I want him to have wisdom that only life is going to give him.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Bob: How do you as a dad look at a young man and make the determination that the foundation here is good and there is still some building that needs to come but that’s okay.

Voddie: That’s one of the things that I really try to point out in the book. We are not going to find a finished product. There are a lot of guys out there who grasp this concept and they are holding the reigns too tight. It’s just like you said they are looking for something that just isn’t out there.

Bob: They are looking for a 50 year old man in a 20 year old body.

Voddie: Absolutely and that guy is not out there. But here’s the other side of the coin. If I know what the elements are that have to be there then I understand what I am looking for in a less mature form.

So, for example, the guy has to be a provider. Well, is he going to have a 401k and all this other stuff at that time? He may not. He may not have the full blown financial portfolio of a guy down the line but does he have a work ethic?

Bob: Yes.

Voddie: That you can see. If a guy has a work ethic and he knows what it means to work and save and be responsible and things of that nature you can see that. You can see whether or not this guy has the tenacity to do whatever it takes to provide for his family. That’s a character issue that you can see even early on.

Bob: So those are the things that you are looking for? Those character seeds in a young man’s life.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Dennis: What you are really talking about is like building a house which is what you are going to do here. You are going to build a home. There are certain elements that have to be in place if you are ultimately going to furnish that home. One is the foundation, one is the framing and the other is the roof. It all has to be in place. What you are saying is as you look at these young men who come courting and knocking on the door for your daughter’s hand you have some very fundamental issues you are looking for in these young men’s lives before you make the hand off.

I can tell you as one who has done this three times this is not an exact science and there are no tests you can give the young man like a college entrance exam.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Dennis: That would make it easier right here. Pass or fail. It is ultimately an issue of judgment of the dad and what you are equipping fathers to do is first of all assume the assignment and then secondly here’s kind of what the foundation looks like. Here’s what the framing of the house and what the roof is and there is where the job is. If he doesn’t have a job there is no roof or protection for that family.

Voddie: Exactly. You are exactly right. You hit the nail right on the head.

Bob: Has Jasmine fully bought in to what you are talking about in your book?

Voddie: Oh, yes, absolutely.

Bob: Is there not any concern on her part that she might find herself attracted to a young man and he doesn’t meet daddy’s standards and I’m out in the cold at that point?

Voddie: You know there really isn’t. We’ve talked about this so long

Bob: Like starting when?

Voddie: Like starting when she’s verbal and she starts playing with dolls and playing house.

Bob: You are talking about interviewing her husband at that point? When she’s three?

Voddie: Oh, yes. We talk about it way back then. Early on put the framework in there. Talk about that so that’s the natural, normal process that she understands.

Dennis: She expects daddy to be involved in this.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Dennis: Same thing with interviewing your daughter’s date.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Dennis: When my daughter Ashley had her first date it wasn’t a matter of being a battle of the wills because we had already laughed and kidded about it for a number of years.

Voddie: It’s the only thing she knows. It’s her paradigm.

Dennis: So what about the guy though who has a young lady who may be like Jasmine, 19 years old, and he’s not had the conversation and maybe he sees a young man kind of circling right now.

Voddie: A vulture.

(laughter)

Bob: A poacher. That was the word you used.

Dennis: What would you encourage him to do at that point because isn’t this going to kind of create whiplash?

Voddie: It’s just like anything else. We have to start somewhere and what he must be is the whole package. Now there are going to be people at different stages as it relates to this so what we have to do is recognize what we have created up to this point. That may mean that the first conversation with our daughter is not, I’ve read this book and heard this guy talk about this and here’s how it’s going to be.

(laughter)

Dennis: Here is the checklist.

Voddie: Here’s the deal. If you haven’t earned the right to say that you may have to start like this. Sweetheart I need to ask for your forgiveness because I had no idea about the significance of my responsibility in your life as it relates to where you’re headed as a wife and as a mother. I have completely and utterly neglected you and left you unprepared and unprotected and I am sorry. I was wrong would you please forgive me and pray with me as I seek by God’s grace to walk with you as best as I can through this process.

Dennis: At that point don’t launch in to all the qualifications that you just read in the book.

(laughter)

Voddie: That’ right.

Dennis: Let the apology linger. Finish experiencing that together. So many men want to fix it and address the problem immediately. This is not a time to fix it.

Voddie: Yes, sir.

Dennis: This is a time to be humble and admit your mistakes and let her answer the question. I forgive you daddy or I’m not sure what you mean daddy. Because she may not have the context to be able to forgive you or address the issue you’ve raised in terms of interviewing her date or addressing a young man who wants to marry her.

Bob: But if she is 15, 16 or 17 and you come and you make this apology and she says that’s okay. It’s been fine. In fact, I kind of liked it this way with me calling the shots and you more out of the picture. I’m not so sure I’m going to like this new approach that you are suggesting. In fact, let’s just keep it the way it is, dad.

Voddie: Yes. You may have to go slow but you have to go. The last thing you do is throw your hands up and say okay, fine. God says that this would be the best thing for you but since you don’t like what God says is the best thing for you I’m just going to give up. You know, that’s the last thing you do.

You might have to go slow and you might have to come back again and again and again and start building this stuff piece by piece. Walking with her step by step because at that point what I’m hearing is a guy hasn’t invested in the discipleship of his daughter. So there is a more fundamental problem. So rather than bringing this particular piece to bear with his daughter what he might do instead is back the whole truck up and start with discipleship and relationship with his daughter 101.

This is like 401 what he must be part. If you recognize that you don’t have 101 or 201 or 301 but that’s okay we’ll just go straight to 401. No, back it up all the way up and just start with building a basic disciplining relationship and a basic relationship in general with your daughter and work up to these kinds of issues.

Bob: So has Jasmine had any reluctance with what you have been proposing to her? Is she in any way kind of not sure what she thinks about this?

Voddie: Jasmine is an advocate and an exponent of this whole concept.

Dennis: She is a first born.

Voddie: Yes. She’s my research assistant.

Dennis: She’s daddy’s little girl grown up first born.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Dennis: I don’t want to be a prophet here because I am not one but it’ll be interesting by the time you are finished with your tribe. You said you hope to have 10…

Voddie: Yes.

Dennis: …if you don’t get some pushback because you know children are not robots.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Dennis: So you have to deal with each one individually and care for them.

Voddie: Absolutely you do.

Dennis: What you’re really about and what this is about is even a bigger issue than protecting our daughters. It’s about a big global issue of legacy.

Voddie: Yes.

Dennis: That’s what is driving you as a man and ultimately came out of your own life of being given a legacy that was not a godly legacy--a legacy of protection and of love. You want to change your legacy.

Voddie: Absolutely and the other thing, too, to go back to the question of Jasmine’s buy in. Remember this is a fundamental foundational issue for our family and has been for a long, long time. It is normative. That’s not to say that push comes to shove and we get closer and there is this guy versus that guy. That’s not to say that there won’t be that kind of give and take and exchange. I think because she realizes that there will be that there is less likelihood for the push back.

Bob: Do you envision that she will find him and you will vet him or you will find him and vet him before she’s ever in the picture?

Dennis: You are talking about an arranged marriage, Bob?

Bob: That’s what I’m trying to figure out how this is going to work in the Baucham household.

Dennis: I’d know you’d like to. I can see it in your eyes.

Voddie: I’d love to.

Dennis: It would have been good for me. The entire American dating scene is not a healthy deal.

Voddie: Oh, no but let me say ideally I would really like for the situation to be something like this. She and I talk all the time. We talk about the kinds of things that she is interested in. I talk to her a lot about the kind of man I think she needs just because of what I see in her and what I know of her. We sit and have these kinds of conversations. Now you know because of this part of you and your personality she doesn’t need a weak man. No, Jasmine doesn’t need a weak man.

Dennis: Did she help you with this book?

Voddie: Yes, absolutely. She is my research assistant. Everything that I do she’s my research assistant on. So I tell her, sweetheart, you would chew a weak man up. He would be sitting over in a corner with his thumb in his mouth somewhere. So no weak men. Those are the kinds of things that we talk about.

(laughter)

But because of that we have our head on a swivel and we are looking around and it can happen either way. But if it happened to where she was interested in a guy I still go do the vetting process before she gets close enough to give herself to him emotionally.

Bob: That means you have to be right there on top of it and involved…

Voddie: Absolutely.

Bob: …Engaged. Because a lot of dad’s would say my daughter is off at college and I don’t know who she is running into. Her heart will be gone before I ever see it. To have her on your team she’ll know to come and say daddy I’ve noticed this guy. A lot of guys do not even know their daughters are dating anybody until she comes home and says I’m engaged.

Voddie: Absolutely. That’s why one of the whole points of this book is about establishing this foundational fundamental understanding of our relationship to our daughter, our responsibility as a husband and a father and understanding that this is just an extension and an expression of that. It’s not a separate issue. A lot of the difficulty when people think through the concept of what he must be and the concept of this book immediately our minds go to all the obstacles and difficulties because of how broken our culture is.

The point is this is not some kind of panacea. This is a piece of a bigger puzzle. You build on the foundation of our understanding the role and responsibility of a man in his household. It goes far beyond the issue of courtship. This then becomes a natural extension of that as opposed to this sort of piece out there that we are just going to grab onto and force into the context.

Bob: This is one application of a much bigger issue.

Voddie: Yes!

Dennis: What you are calling men to do ultimately is to step up and assume their responsibility under the leadership of God’s word, the Holy Spirit, and being surrendered to Christ in their own lives.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Dennis: Saying Oh, God help me in my weakness know how to lead, love, protect and guide my children as they emerge into adulthood and as we let the arrows go.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Bob: Let’s see if we have any guys listening who are ready to step up like you are talking about. We have copies of Voddie’s book in our FamilyLife Resource Center. Go to FamilyLife Today.com and there is information there about the book called What He Must Be If He Wants to Marry My Daughter.

In fact if you would like to read a portion of the book you can go to our web site and we have a link to Voddie’s web site. Click through to Voddie’s web site and if you type in the key word “radio” on his web site you can read the first chapter of the book online.

Or just get a copy of it by letting us send it out to you. Again go to FamilyLife Today.com and the information is available there about Voddie’s book. If you are interested in getting Dennis’ book Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date you can. I’m not sure how old your daughter is but if you wanted to get both of these books Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date and Voddie’s book What He Must Be If He Wants to Marry My Daughter we will send along at no additional cost the CD audio of our conversation this week with Voddie Baucham. On top of that this month if you can help with a donation of any amount for the ministry of FamilyLife Today we will also send you a copy of Dennis’ audio book, Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date.

So if you want to get the audio book just add a donation or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Make your donation over the phone. If you are ordering online and you are making a donation you just need to type the word “date” in the key code box on the donation form. So again go to the web site FamilyLife Today.com for the information you need.

Or call toll free if that is easier 1-800-FL-TODAY. That’s 1-800-“F” as in Family, “L” as in Life and then the word TODAY.

Let me just say a quick word of thanks to those of you who are able to help this month with a donation of any amount. We appreciate your financial support. We are listener supported and as Dennis has already mentioned on today’s program this would be a particularly helpful time for us to hear from you. So again if you can make a donation of any amount we would appreciate your financial support.

Quickly I wanted to give our listeners an update on something they have heard us talk about on past programs. Next month the first annual national Bible Bee is going to be having its regional competitions all across the country. More than 17,000 young people are signed up to be contestants in regional Bible Bee competitions all across the country. The national Bible Bee competition is taking place in Washington, D.C. in November.

Dennis and I are both going to be on hand for that event but we are excited about the 17,000 signed up to take part in the Bible Bee and if you want to find out where the Bible Bee regional competitions are being held in a city near where you live go to our web site at FamilyLife Today.com. We have a link there to the Bible Bee web site and you can get the information you need directly from them. Once again we are excited about the upcoming national Bible Bee and we wanted to let you know. 17,000 young people participating in this event and I have to believe if there are some young men who are competing and compete well in that Bible Bee it will give them a leg up if they want to marry Voddie Bauchaum’s daughter, right?

With that we have to wrap things up for today. We are going to talk more about the kind of young man that Voddie is looking for and that we all need to be looking for as dads as our daughters enter the courting years. We’ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us.

I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.
On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I am Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another addition of FamilyLife Today.

FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas.
Help for today, hope for tomorrow.

© 2009 FamilyLife

[i]to be continued[/i]

 2009/8/17 12:31









 Re: Building a Son-in-Law pt 2

[url=http://www.familylife.com/site/apps/nlnet/content3.aspx?c=dnJHKLNnFoG&b=3832113&ct=7241145&DCMP=BAC-FLT+HP+Broadcast+Link&ATT=BoxLink]Listen here[/url]

[b]Building a Son-in-Law[/b]

Series Title: What He Must Be (Day 2 of 4)
Program: FamilyLife Today (25 Minutes)
Airdate: 8/18/2009 12:00:00 AM

Bob: If a man is going to be a husband, a right kind of husband, he has to first have enough spiritual maturity to have a good biblical understanding of what marriage is all about. Here’s Voddie Baucham.

Voddie Baucham: If you don’t know the purpose of a thing you will eventually abuse it. The problem with people is they come in to marriage and don’t know the purpose of the thing therefore they will eventually abuse it. So it is extremely important that we have this biblical understanding of what marriage is. What a husband’s role is? What a wife’s role is? This is not just about the issue of courtship this much bigger than that.( Read Full Transcript )


Bob: This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, August 18, 2009. Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I am Bob Lepine. So just how spiritual mature does a young man need to be before a father says “Alright you can pursue my daughter.” We’ll talk about that today.

And welcome to FamilyLife Today! Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. You know I’m waiting for the day when we get a book from our guest today and I read it and I go that was very nice. It was encouraging.

Dennis: Kind of a sweet book.

Bob: Yes, it was nice and friendly and nothing controversial.

Dennis: Don’t hold your breath.

(laughter)

Bob: You think that book will never come, right?

Dennis: I don’t think so, Bob, because this guy likes to challenge people. In fact, it’s way too part of his fiber for him to write a book that’s a sweet treatise.

Before I introduce our guest here on FamilyLife Today, Voddie Baucham, I want to turn to our listeners and remind them that on a couple of occasions the past few months I’ve come to them and shared with them how for me as a leader of this ministry this has been the most challenging year financially that I’ve ever faced in 33 years.

I also want you to know that in spite of the challenges we’ve faced this has been a highly effective year of ministry. We’ve enjoyed it here on FamilyLife Today. Nine million people have benefitted from our various broadcasts every week. You might also be encouraged to know that nearly 3,000 people have received Christ at our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences. We don’t know how many receive Christ as a result of these broadcasts but I believe it’s in the thousands because of the phone calls that we receive. Also, we are touching more than 77 countries around the world. So despite the setbacks of the year it’s been a very effective year. What I wanted to do is come to you today and let you know that we are closing our ministry books on August 31st.

Bob: Starting a new ministry year September 1st.

Dennis: That’s right. I need to ask you as a listener to do a couple of things. First, if FamilyLife Today has equipped you in life’s most important relationships—your relationship with God, your spouse, and your children could I ask you to stand with us financially as we finish our ministry year with a generous gift. I want to be quick to say thanks for even prayerfully considering my request.

The other thing is for the group of listeners who have never given to FamilyLife Today before. I would like to ask you, could you help us? I need your help. Your support is needed right now as we finish this year and look to a new year.

Bob: You can donate online at FamilyLife Today.com or you can call and make a donation over the phone at 1-800-FL-TODAY. We do appreciate your partnership with us. Thanks again for your financial support over the past year.

Now you want to introduce this cupcake of a guest?

(laughter)

Dennis: Voddie Baucham joins us again on FamilyLife Today. Can you believe Bob said that about you?

Voddie: Yes.

Dennis: You’ve never been controversial…

Voddie: I don’t know what it is. People just don’t understand.

(laughter)

Dennis: Wherever you go you are either you are like lightening striking or you are creating lightening that strikes.

Voddie: We need lightening.

(laughter)

Dennis: Here’s some lightening. Here’s a book that is some lightening for dads. What He Must Be If He Wants to Marry My Daughter is the title.

Bob: I read that title and I thought I can see Voddie Baucham saying that. So let me tell you what you must be if you want to marry my daughter.

Dennis: The only thing you didn’t have on the back was a picture of your daughter with you standing behind her, you with me?

Voddie: Yes. She outvoted me on that one.

Dennis: Voddie and his wife, Bridget have five children and they are hoping for five more. He is a Bible teacher, conference speaker, and professor. He lives in Houston, Texas. He is a wonderful proclaimer of the truth of God’s word.

Bob: I’ve got a question that I have to ask you on this. If you had come to you at the age that you married Bridget and Bridget was your daughter would you have let you marry Bridget?

Voddie: Wait a minute I have to get into this alternate universe. My wife is now my daughter.

(laughter)

Dennis: Would you have trusted her to you?

Voddie: When I was 20, no I wouldn’t have. I wouldn’t have made the cut.

Bob: Here’s where I would say, okay, Voddie and look at how well it has turned out, right?

Voddie: Yes. It didn’t have to be as hard as it was though. One of the last chapters in the book is if you can’t find one build one. The whole premise behind that chapter is we are not going to have guys who are ready made. We are talking about young men who are going to need some work. We have to be committed to discipling young men. We may have to build our own son in law. We have to be committed to this.

Bob: So if you had come to you you might have said to yourself…

Voddie: You leave her alone for six months and spend your time with me. For six months you leave my daughter alone and you spend time with me and we might get you there. For the people who think about these things that we are talking about and say, oh, that just doesn’t seem this or, oh, that just doesn’t seem that. Here’s my question. Look at what we’ve been doing for the last two generations and answer the Dr. Phil question, “how is that working for you?”
The answer is, it’s not, because we have departed from the ways of the Lord.

Bob: My version of that question is always been to look at an audience and say, “how many of you would like your child to reproduce your dating experience and your pathway to marriage?” If your daughter or your son had exactly the same experience you would say, “I would be thrilled with that.”

Voddie: (laughter)

Bob: If you ask that in a room with a hundred people you get about three hands going up. And then the question is so what is going to be different? What are you going to do to help make it different?

Voddie: Exactly. Why are we so committed to this thing when we realize it caused us so much pain?

Dennis: And are we just going to throw our kids to the culture and let the culture sweep them into the current and on downstream where it is taking all the rest of the young people?

Voddie: Exactly and not just our kids but here’s where the light went on for me. When you talk about multigenerational vision I am in the process of raising, training, and discipling my children so that I will prayerfully launch them into this world to be difference makers for Christ. They will in turn raise, train, disciple and launch my grandchildren. Whomever they partner with is going to be part of that multigenerational legacy and have a large part to play in what my grandchildren become. How dare I be lax in that responsibility!

Bob: You said already this week that one of the things a young man would have to be one of the things you’d be looking for is for a young man to have a work ethic—to be a provider. Let me roll back from that. Before you even get to provider and work ethic I presume that you are looking for a young man who loves God, right?

Voddie: That’s the first place we start. That is the necessity of following Christ. Not just to be a nominal Christian or having some kind of wishy washy testimony but being an authentic follower of Jesus Christ and having a credible testimony bearing the fruit there of. It is of the utmost importance because everything that we do and are in marriage flows from and grows out of that relationship with Christ.

Dennis: Here’s the problem though Voddie. There is no heart monitor that you can hook a young man up to that has a graph that ultimately shows he’s got a great heart beat for God. There it is.

Voddie: And when it comes to conversion the Bible gives us things to look for. It gives us fruit to look for. One of the things that I lay out in that chapter is does this guy understand the gospel? Here’s what I mean. I avoid asking the question, are you a Christian? Because we’ve poured so many meanings into that word “Christian” that they can say yes, and what they mean is I’m not a Buddhist or a Moslem, or not a Hindu. Or they can say yes and what they mean is I go to church every now and then or whatever.

If you ask the question are you a follower of Christ? That is an entirely different mater all together. If you ask them to explain the gospel is and you get something like well, you know, I think people are basically good and they should do good things and not bad things. God just really loves us all and if we are really good maybe when it’s all said and done…no, no, no.

I want to hear creation, fall, redemption, consummation. I want to hear God created man. I want to hear that man fell into sin. I want to hear that because of that man is separated from God. I want to hear that there is nothing man can do in and of himself to bridge that gap between him and God. I want to hear God sent a mediator—the man Christ Jesus.

He is the only answer for man’s sin problem. I want to hear he was actively obedient and he kept the whole law and he was passively obedient and died on the cross. He resurrected on the third day. I want to hear that He ascended to the right hand of the father and He is coming again to judge the living and the dead. Therefore I’ve repented of my sin and I’ve placed my faith in the finished work of Jesus Christ. That’s the gospel. That’s what I am trusting in. He’s got to be able to give me that.

Dennis: Just not anybody who walks in off the street…

Bob: You just knocked a bunch of people off shelf there…

(laughter)

Voddie: That’s right.

Bob: You know we would think that would be a foregone conclusion. That a man is a follower of Christ and if he is going to marry your daughter he’s a Christian and he’s got to be able to articulate the gospel. There has to be some evidences of grace in his life. He reads the Scriptures and has a prayer life. He goes to church. Those kinds of things. You’d think that would be a foregone conclusion for Christian parents today but you were preaching on the subject of being unequally yoked that a believer should not be yoked together in marriage with a non believer and you got push back on that, right?

Voddie: I certainly did. Here are the kinds of things that you hear in response to that. They don’t open their Bibles to 2 Corinthians and look at the passage there but they give the existential answer. I was really praying really hard and God sent me a guy who is everything for he just happened to not be a Christian. So since God is the one who obviously sent this guy in answer to my prayer he must be the guy that God has for me. In other words God is just going to undermine what he has written in his word because you like this guy. Or you hear this one. Well, this guy treats me better than all the Christian guys I’ve known.

Dennis: Oh, yes.

Voddie: Well, maybe those guys weren’t really Christians? Again whatever the excuse it always goes back to this principle. The Bible may say that but I think there is something that is far more authoritative than what God says in his word. That’s my personal desires and my personal experience.

Bob: How I feel.

Dennis: You are saying that’s the response of people who want to justify their actions that run contrary to the Scripture.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Bob: It’s a little voice that says has God really said?

Voddie: Absolutely.

Bob: And can that be right in my experience and circumstance?

Voddie: Ultimately that goes back to the idea that God is just not enough. That’s what it goes back to. God is just not enough. I need this guy regardless if he meets these requirements that God has set because God is just not enough and he just doesn’t understand. I need something other than God. There is something out there that is more powerful than God and I’m answering to that and not to God.

Bob: Don’t you wish there was some way you could talk to a young man or a young woman who is in that very circumstance and somehow get in a time machine and take them ahead 10 years.

Voddie: Yes.

Bob: And say let me show you what you are going to be facing that you don’t see today. The battle over how you raise your kids.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Bob: The struggle over what is important. How you spend your money and whether you give money to the church or not. The struggle over what you are going to value. What you are going to watch together for entertainment.

Voddie: Absolutely.

Bob: You don’t see that when you are in the dating stage because it seems like you have so much in common but you don’t see the struggle that is 10 years down the road for you.

Dennis: I want to rewind this tape and I’m not going to ask you what the gospel is again Voddie

Bob: Although it would be sweet to hear it again.

Dennis: I was back in seminary class. Genesis to Revelation—it was right there.

(laughter)

Dennis: There is undoubtedly a dad who is listening right now who is thinking wait a second Voddie. First of all, I’m making a hard sell with my daughter because I didn’t do it like you did. I didn’t start out when she was a little girl talking about this whole concept. She’s 16, 17, 18 years old and now I’m going to intercept her life around this issue and the young man she brings to me he’s not going to be able to articulate the gospel as you just did.

In fact, the more I talk to him I don’t find that he is a follower of Christ. I don’t find that he knows God whatsoever. At that point you may need to do what I did. This is a real story with me. One of the young men that came around I ended up taking him out on the porch and went through the gospel with him and led him through The Four Spiritual Laws. He indicated a decision to become a follower of Christ at that point.

Dads need to be armed to be able to pick up young men where they are and just because a young man doesn’t believe it may be a great opportunity to lead a young man to Christ.

Voddie: Absolutely. If you can’t find one build one. Here’s the other thing. Even if you aren’t building one for your daughter don’t be so selfish that this guy comes and he’s not the guy for your daughter you just throw him away. No, you have an opportunity in that young man’s life. The other thing of course is we need to make sure that we are building up our sons.

You want to talk about hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is here’s the standard way up here for the guy who would marry my daughter but here’s the standard way down here for the way I’m raising my sons. That’s hypocrisy.

Dennis: Yes.

Bob: As you shared that story, Dennis, I’m thinking of a dad who says okay, then if I take him out on the back porch and share the gospel with him and he indicates he trusts Christ. Now everything …

(laughter)

Dennis: Oh, no. He’s not in at that point. He may be inside the gate in terms of a conversation…

Bob: And you may need to see that borne out in his life.

Dennis: Yes. Here’s the problem with marriage today and Voddie you are a pastor and I want you to comment on this. People are getting married today with a God consciousness that is everything from a thimble full to they don’t know who God is. If you don’t know who God is then you don’t know who you are. How can you build a marriage without God being the builder of that home and without you knowing Him and teaching you how to love an imperfect person? This is all about building marriages that go the distance, right?

Voddie: Listen, when I was a young man I was raised by a single teenage Buddhist mother in drug infested, gang infested south central Los Angeles, California. When I got old enough to get in what Winnie the Pooh would call a small smackeral of trouble she shipped me out. I went and lived for a year and a half in Buford, South Carolina with my uncle who was a retired drill instructor in the Marine Corps. So I got out of trouble.

Bob: I’d bet he wasn’t fully retired. When Voddie came to live with him he kind of got re enlisted, right?

Voddie: Here’s the thing. I remember so many things that my uncle told me. Here’s one that I will never forget. If you don’t know the purpose of a thing you will eventually abuse it. Now he was talking about a weapon or a tool or whatever.

If you don’t know the purpose of a thing you will eventually abuse it and the problem with people who have as you say that thimble full of God consciousness they come into marriage and don’t know the purpose of the thing. Therefore they will eventually abuse it. They will turn it in to something to satisfy their own needs as opposed to something that will bring glory to God and satisfy the needs of their partner.

Dennis: Right.

Voddie: They will turn it into something for their status. Whatever…but they will abuse it. A man who doesn’t know the purpose of a wife will abuse his wife. A woman who doesn’t know the purpose of a husband will abuse her husband. So it is extremely important that we have this biblical understanding of what a man is and what a woman is, what a marriage is, what a husband’s role is, what a wife’s role is, again this goes back and we’ve said it repeatedly but we can’t say it enough. This is not just about the issue of courtship. This is much bigger than that.

Dennis: Yes, and you haven’t been to the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference we were laughing about that before we came in here to the studio but you don’t know this but we spend an hour at the conference talking about the three purposes of God for marriage. Why He created it. That there is something bigger taking place in a marriage relationship than getting your own needs met.

Then we take an hour and a half for the husbands and an hour and a half for the wives giving them their job description. Their biblical purpose as a husband and a wife and then helping them know how to make that relationship work—two imperfect people for a lifetime.

It works. Lives are changed at these conferences. You are exactly right. If you don’t know the purpose of something you are not going to experience God’s best either.

Bob: We actually see at the Weekend to Remember. It’s like the light comes on for a lot of couples and they get it. We’ve never understood this before. It’s not that we have wanted to have disunity in our marriage we just didn’t know what we needed to do. Once they understand God’s purpose and plan and where God’s power comes from to make a marriage work it’s like the lights go on. It gives them hope and confidence. I’ll just point people to go to our web site FamilyLife Today.com and they can get more information about the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference. They can also get more information about Voddies’s book which is called What He Must Be If He Wants to Marry My Daughter. We have copies of the book in our FamilyLife Resource Center.

In fact if you would like to read a portion of the book you can go to our web site and we have a link to Voddie’s web site. Click through to Voddie’s web site and if you type in the key word “radio” on the web site you can read the first chapter of the book online. Or just get a copy of it by letting us send it out to you. Again go to FamilyLife Today.com and the information is available there about Voddie’s book.

If you are interested in getting Dennis’ book Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date you can. You may want to get both of these books Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date and Voddie’s book What He Must Be If He Wants to Marry My Daughter so that you are ready for when your daughter is a teen. We will send along at no additional cost the two CDs audio of our conversation this week with Voddie Baucham. And this month if you are able to help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation of any amount we will also send you a copy of Dennis’ audio book, Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date.

Simply make a donation at FamilyLifeToday.com and type the word “date” on the online donation form or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. When you make a donation of any amount just ask for a copy the audio book, Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date. Again we are happy to send it out to you and we appreciate your financial support of this ministry.

As Dennis has already mentioned we are hoping to hear from a lot of listeners this month in particular and we do appreciate your support of the ministry. We are listener supported and your donations are what keep this program on the air in this city and in other cities all across the country. We appreciate your financial support.

I wanted to add a quick update today. I’ve already mentioned this this week but we are excited that next month more than 17,000 young people are signed up to be contestants in the very first national Bible Bee. There are going to be regional competitions taking place in locations all across the country. I think it’s 100 of those who will eventually go to Washington, D.C. to the national Bible Bee competition in November.

Dennis and I are both going to be there for that event but we are excited about the 17,000 signed up to take part in the Bible Bee and if you want to find out where the Bible Bee regional competitions are being held in a city near where you live go to our web site at FamilyLife Today.com. We will keep you updated throughout the fall with what is going on about the national Bible Bee. We are excited to be a part of this competition.

Now tomorrow we are going to talk more with Voddie Baucham about how a dad can engage with his daughter and be on her team as together the two of them start to consider the kind of young man who might be a potential marriage partner. We’ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us.


[i]to be continued[/i]

 2009/8/18 18:03





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