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reformer
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Joined: 2007/6/25
Posts: 764


 Devotionals with your spouse.

Struggling with having devotional time with my wife...we have tried on several occasions, but it just didn't seem to work well. I don't know really how to go about it. I was hoping that there would be some on SI that has some good ideas? Such as, should we go throw a book in the bible, read it separately and discuss it. Should I prepare a lesson, or should we just read together and then talk about it? My wife lately has been really asking about doing this, but I just not sure what or how to get started. I am somewhat intimidated...

I am excited that she has prompted this...it is a first!

regards
reformer

 2009/7/31 10:00Profile
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"Pilgrim and Sojourner." - 1 Peter 2:11

Online!
 Re: Devotionals with your spouse.

Listen through this audio series, once each night for 1 month!

http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=28568&forum=35

That would be a excellent way to have a edifying time together.


_________________
SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2009/7/31 10:27Profile









 Re: Devotionals with your spouse.

Quote:

reformer wrote:
Struggling with having devotional time with my wife...we have tried on several occasions, but it just didn't seem to work well. I don't know really how to go about it. I was hoping that there would be some on SI that has some good ideas? Such as, should we go throw a book in the bible, read it separately and discuss it. Should I prepare a lesson, or should we just read together and then talk about it? My wife lately has been really asking about doing this, but I just not sure what or how to get started. I am somewhat intimidated...

I am excited that she has prompted this...it is a first!

regards
reformer



Reformer,

Although Greg's advice will probably prove to be beneficial and edifying, I would like to suggest to you what my wife and I have been doing for a year.

Actually, if you know me at all you probably know that my wife and I have only been married for two years this past May and July (we had two weddings in our respective courtries). As a wedding gift, someone gave us "15 Minute Devotions for Couples" by Bob and Emilie Barnes.

It was something for us to begin with, although we probably did not put forth as much effort as we ought to have. Last year we started "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers, along side a "Our Daily Bread" with both English and Korean.

Now, you must understand that I am under the conviction that wives desire and deserve a husband that will put forth the necessary effort and take the inititive to lead the family, even though I often fail in this pursuit.

To be honest, we miss a day here and there, but we try to make it the first thing we do in the morning. And I mean that I try to spend some time alone with God, while I let me wife sleep alittle longer or while she gets up (especially since she is pregnant now), then after using the toilet and brushing our teeth (sometimes not in that order), we get on our knees and 'do our devotionals together'.

You are right in that it can be intimidating and at times frustrating, especially when our lazy bodies would prefer more sleep to the point that we have to rush out the door for work. That is why we cannot put too much emphasis in the actual book time, rather the devotion to God with the one He gave you to grow with.

I have found that the scriptures come in handy (obviously) throughout the day and that the point of the particular devotional book seems to spring forth at just the right moment.

Greg's advice about the sermon series is good, but my wife likes to spend time with me and God, not the computer. Do not get me wrong, we do listen to many sermons together, but morning devotion for us is being quiet and still...knowing He is God.

A little scripture goes a long way, especially with something like Oswald Chamber's book. We tried reading entire books together or sticking to a bible reading plan, but we read differently to say the least. God speaks to us differently, so I can read chapter after chapter, while she prefers a different approach.

I have errored in trying to get my wife to do it my way, so I have learned that each day is different, but the path is clear. We both desire to know Him and He will reveal Himself day by day, as long as we are faithful in that pursuit.

One more thing, you mentioned "My wife lately has been really asking about doing this...".

What does she want? What does she need? How would she like to go about it all? Meet her needs and you will be fed also.

I hope this helps. Remember, I've only been married for two years, so I actually know nothing... :-(

Blessings,
BrianMira

P.S. 3 step process... Prayer, patience, Prayer

 2009/7/31 11:04
TaylorOtwell
Member



Joined: 2006/6/19
Posts: 927
Arkansas

 Re:

Right now, my wife and I are reading through Luke fairly slowly (not even a chapter a day) and discussing it together. I get up a little earlier so I can read through it beforehand and familiarize myself with the passage, as well as read through Matthew Henry's concise commentary on the passage for discussion ideas.

With care in Christ,
Taylor


_________________
Taylor Otwell

 2009/7/31 13:19Profile
BlazedbyGod
Member



Joined: 2007/8/22
Posts: 462


 Re:

Prayer in the Family By: Matthew Henry


How should a family pray together? Matthew Henry explains by showing us five things to do.

Five things especially you should have upon your heart in your family prayer, and should endeavor to bring something of each into every prayer with your families

1. You ought to make family-Acknowledgements on your Dependence upon God and his Providences as you are a family.
Our great business in all acts of religious worship is to give unto the Lord the Glory due unto his Name; and this we must do in our Family-Worship. Give honor to God as the Founder of Families by his Ordinance, because it was not good for man to be alone; as the founder of your Families by his Providence, for he it is that buildeth the House, and setteth the Solitary in Families. Give Honor to him as the owner and Ruler of families…

2. You ought to make Family-Confessions of your Sins against God; those Sins you have contracted the Guilt of your Family-Capacity…
How sad is the Condition of those Families that sin together, and never pray together, that by concurring in Frauds, Quarrels and Excesses, by Strengthening one another’s Hands in Impiety and Profaneness, fill the measure of Family-Guilt, and never agree together to do any thing to empty it.’

And even Religious Families, that are not polluted with gross and scandalous Sins, yet have need to join every Day in the Solemn Acts and Expressions of Repentance before God for their Sins of daily infirmity. Their vain words, and unprofitable conversation among themselves; their manifold defects in relative duties, provoking one another’s lusts or Passions, instead of provoking one another to Love, and to good Works.

3. You ought to offer up Family Thanksgivings for the blessings which you, with our Families, receive from God.
Many are the mercies which you enjoy the Sweetness and Benefit of in common; which if wanting to one, all the Family would be sensible of it. Hath not God made a Hedge of Protection about you and your houses and all that you have…

4. You ought to present your Family-Petitions for the Mercy and Grace which your Families stand in need of.

Daily Bread is received by Families together, and we are taught not only to pray for it every day, but to pray together for it, saying ‘Our Father, give it us’. There are Affairs and Employments which the Family is jointly concerned in the Success of, and therefore should jointly ask of God Wisdom for the Management of them, and Prosperity therein. There are family cares to be cast upon God, by Prayer, Family Comforts to be fought for, and Family-Crosses which they should together beg for the Sanctification and Removal of.

5. You ought to make Family-Intercessions for others also.
There are Families you stand related to, or which by Neighborhood, Friendship or Acquaintance, you become interested in and acquaintance, you become interested in, and concern’s for… The Benefit of Prayer will reach far, because he that hears Prayer can extend His hand of Power and Mercy to the utmost Corners of the Earth, and to them that are afar off upon the Sea.”


[url=http://www.ncfic.org/articlemodule/view_article/id/87/src/@random49598ead4a15d/]Prayer in the Family[/url]

 2009/7/31 16:43Profile
BlazedbyGod
Member



Joined: 2007/8/22
Posts: 462


 Re:

Family Worship By: A.W. Pink


There are some very important outward ordinances and means of grace which are plainly implied in the Word of God, but for the exercise of which we have few, if any, plain and positive precept; rather are we left to gather them from the example of holy men and from various incidental circumstances. An important end is answered by this arrangement: trial is thereby made of the state of our hearts. It serves to make evident whether, because an expressed command cannot be brought requiring its performance, professing Christians will neglect a duty plainly implied. Thus, more of the real state of our minds is discovered, and it is made manifest whether we have or have not an ardent love for God and His service. This holds good both of public and family worship. Nevertheless, it is not at all difficult to prove the obligation of domestic piety.

Consider first the example of Abraham, the father of the faithful and the friend of God. It was for his domestic piety that he received blessing from Jehovah Himself, “For I know him, that he will command his children and household after him, and they shall keep way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment” (Gen. 18:19). The patriarch is here commended for instructing his children and servants in the most important of all duties, “the way of the Lord”—the truth about His glorious person. His high claims upon us, His requirements from us. Note well the words “he will command” them; that is, he would use the authority God had given him as a father and head of his house, to enforce the duties of family godliness. Abraham also prayed with as well as instructed his family: wherever he pitched his tent, there he “built an altar to the Lord” (Gen. 12:7; 13:4). Now my readers, we may well ask ourselves, Are we “Abraham’s seed” (Gal. 3:29) if we “do not the works of Abraham” (John 8:39) and neglect the weighty duty of family worship? The example of other holy men are similar to that of Abraham’s. Consider the pious determination of Joshua who declared to Israel, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (24:15). Neither the exalted station which he held, nor the pressing public duties which developed upon him, were allowed to crowd out his attention to the spiritual well-being of his family. Again, when David brought back the ark of God to Jerusalem with joy and thanksgiving, after discharging his public duties, he “returned to bless his household” (2 Sam. 6:20). In addition to these eminent examples we may cite the cases of Job (1:5) and Daniel (6:10). Limiting ourselves to only one in the New Testament we think of the history of Timothy, who was reared in a godly home. Paul called to remembrance the “unfeigned faith” which was in him, and added, “which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois and thy mother Eunice.” Is there any wonder then that the apostle could say “from a child thou hast known the Holy Scriptures” (2 Tim. 3:15)!

On the other hand, we may observe what fearful threatenings are pronounced against those who disregard this duty. We wonder how many of our readers have seriously pondered these awe-inspiring words “Pour out Thy fury upon the heathen that know Thee not, and upon the families that call not on Thy name” (Jer. 10:25)! How unspeakably solemn to find that prayerless families are here coupled with the heathen that know not the Lord. Yet need that surprise us? Why, there are many heathen families who unite together in worshiping their false gods. And do not they put thousands of professing Christians to shame? Observe too that Jer. 10:25 recorded a fearful imprecations upon both classes alike: “Pour out Thy fury upon...” How loudly should these words speak to us.

It is not enough that we pray as private individuals in our closets; we are required to honor God in our families as well. At least twice each day,—in the morning and in the evening—the whole household should be gathered together to bow before the Lord—parents and children, master and servant—to confess their sins, to give thanks for God’s mercies, to seek His help and blessing. Nothing must be allowed to interfere with this duty: all other domestic arrangements are to bend to it. The head of the house is the one to lead the devotions, but if he be absent, or seriously ill, or an unbeliever, then the wife would take his place. Under no circumstances should family worship be omitted. If we would enjoy the blessing of God upon our family, then let its members gather together daily for praise and prayer. “Them that honour Me I will honour” is His promise.

An old writer well said, “A family without prayer is like a house without a roof, open and exposed to all the storms of Heaven.” All our domestic comforts and temporal mercies issue from the lovingkindness of the Lord, and the best we can do in return is to gratefully acknowledge, together, His goodness to us as a family. Excuses against the discharge of this sacred duty are idle and worthless. Of what avail will it be when we render an account to God for the stewardship of our families to say that we had not time available, working hard from morn till eve? The more pressing be our temporal duties, the greater our need of seek spiritual succor. Nor may any Christian plead that he is not qualified for such a work: gifts and talents are developed by use and not by neglect.

Family worship should be conducted reverently, earnestly and simply. It is then that the little ones will receive their first impressions and form their initial conceptions of the Lord God. Great care needs to be taken lest a false idea be given them of the Divine Character, and for this the balance must be preserved between dwelling upon His transcendency and immanency, His holiness and His mercy, His might and His tenderness, His justice and His grace. Worship should begin with a few words of prayer invoking God’s presence and blessing. A short passage from His Word should follow, with brief comments thereon. Two or three verses of a Psalm may be sung. Close with a prayer of committal into the hands of God. Though we may not be able to pray eloquently, we should earnestly. Prevailing prayers are usually brief ones. Beware of wearying the young ones.

The advantages and blessings of family worship are incalculable. First, family worship will prevent much sin. It awes the soul, conveys a sense of God’s majesty and authority, sets solemn truths before the mind, brings down benefits from God on the home. Personal piety in the home is a most influential means, under God, of conveying piety on the little ones. Children are largely creatures of imitation, loving to copy what they see in others. “He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded out fathers that they should make them known to their children: That the generation to come might know them, even the children which should be born; who should arise and declare them to their children: That they might set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments” (Psa. 78:5,7). How much of the dreadful moral and spiritual conditions of the masses today may be traced back to the neglect of their fathers in this duty? How can those who neglect the worship of God in their families look for peace and comfort therein? Daily prayer in the home is a blessed means of grace for allaying those unhappy passions to which our common nature is subject. Finally, family prayer gains for us the presence and blessing of the Lord. There is a promise of His presence which is peculiarly applicable to this duty: see Matt. 18:19,20. Many have found in family worship that help and communion with God which they sought for and with less effect in private prayer.


[url=http://www.ncfic.org/articlemodule/view_article/id/104/src/@random49598ead4a15d/]Family Worship[/url]

 2009/7/31 16:45Profile
BlazedbyGod
Member



Joined: 2007/8/22
Posts: 462


 Re:

The Special Duties of Husbands to Their Wives By: Richard Baxter


He that will expect duty or comfort from his wife, must be faithful in doing the duty of a husband. The failing of yourselves in your own duty, may cause the failing of another to you, or at least in some other way as much afflict you, and will be bitterer to you in the end, than if a hundred failed their duty to you. A good husband will either make a good wife, or easily and profitably endure a bad one. I shall therefore give you directions for your own part of duty, as that which your happiness is most concerned in.

Direct. I
The husband must undertake the principal part of the government of the whole family, even of the wife herself. And therefore, I. He must labor to be fit and able for that government which he undertakes. This ability consists, 1. In holiness and spiritual wisdom, that he may be acquainted with the end to which he is to conduct them, and the rule by which he is to guide them, and the principal works which they are to do. An ungodly, irreligious man is both a stranger and an enemy to the chief part of family government. 2. His ability consists in a due acquaintance with the works of his calling, and the labors in which his servants are to be employed. For he that is utterly unacquainted with their business, will be very unfit to govern them in it: unless he commit that part of their government to his wife, or a steward that is acquainted with it. 3. And he must be acquainted both with the common temper and infirmities of mankind, that he may know how much is to be borne with, and also with the particular temper, and faults, and virtues of those whom he is to govern. 4. And he must have prudence, to direct himself in all his carriage to them; and justice, to deal with everyone as they deserve; and love, to do them all the good he can, for soul and body. II. And being thus able, he must make it his daily work, and especially be sure to govern himself well, that his example may be part of his government of others.

Direct. II
The husband must so unite authority and love, that neither of them be omitted or concealed, but both be exercised and maintained. Love must not be exercised so imprudently as to destroy the exercise of authority; and authority must not be exercised over a wife so magisterially and imperiously, as to destroy the exercise of love. As your love must be a governing love, so your commands must all be loving commands. Lose not your authority; for that will but disable you from doing the office of a husband to your wife, or of a master to your servants. Yet must it be maintained by no means inconsistent with conjugal love; and therefore not by fierceness or cruelty, by threats or stripes (unless by distraction or loss of reason, the cease to be capable of the carriage otherwise due to a wife). There are many cases of equality in which authority is not to be exercised; but there is no case of inequality or unworthiness so great, in which conjugal love is not to be exercised; and therefore nothing must exclude it.

Direct. III
It is the duty of husbands to preserve the authority of their wives, over the children and servants of the family. For they are joint governors with them over all the inferiors. And the infirmities of women are apt many times to expose them to contempt: so that servants and children will be apt to slight them, and disobey them, if the husband interpose not to preserve their honor and authority. Yet this must be done with cautions as these: 1. Justify not any error, vice, or weakness of your wives. They may be concealed or excused as far as may be, but never owned or defended. 2. Urge not obedience to any unlawful of theirs. No one hath authority to contradict the law of God, or disoblige any form of his government. You will but diminish your own authority with persons of any understanding, if you justify any thing that is against God’s authority. But if the thing commanded be lawful, though it may have some inconveniences, you must rebuke the disobedience of inferiors, and not suffer them to slight the commands of your wives, nor to set their own reason and wills against them, and say, We will not do it. How can they help you in government, if you suffer them to be disobeyed?

Direct. IV
Also you must preserve the honor as well as the authority of your wives. If they have any dishonorable infirmities, they are not to be mentioned by children and servants. As in the natural body we cover most carefully the most dishonorable parts, (for our comely parts have no need.) 1 Cor. xii. 23, 24, so must it be here. Children or servants must not be suffered to carry themselves contemptuously or rudely towards them, nor to despise them, or speak unmannerly, proud, or disdainful words to them. The husband must vindicate them from all such injury and contempt.

Direct. V
The husband is to excel the wife in knowledge, and be her teacher in the matters that belong to salvation. He must instruct her in the word of God, and direct her in particular duties, and help her to subdue her own corruptions, and labor to confirm her against temptations; if she doubt of any thing that he can resolve her in, she is to ask his resolution, and he to open to her at home the things which she understood not in the congregation, 1 Cor. xiv. 35. But if the husband be indeed an ignorant sot, or have made himself unable to instruct his wife, she is not bound to ask him in vain, to teach her that which he understands not himself. Those husbands that despise the word of God, and live in willful ignorance, do not only despise their own souls, but their families also; and making themselves unable for their duties, they are usually themselves despised by their inferiors: for God hath told such in his message to Eli, 1 Sam. ii. 30, “Them that honor me, I will honor; and they that despise me shall be lightly esteemed.”

Direct. VI
The husband must be the principal teacher of the family. He must instruct them, and examine them, and rule them about matters of God, as well as his own service, and see that the Lord’s day and worship be observed by all that are within his gates. And therefore he must labor for such understanding and ability as is necessary hereunto. And if he be unable or negligent, it is his sin and will be his shame. If the wife be wiser and abler, and it be cast upon her, it is his dishonor; but if neither of them do it, the sin, and shame, and suffering, will be common to them both.

Direct. VII
The husband is to be the mouth of the family, in their daily conjunct prayers unto God. Therefore he must be able to pray, and also have a praying heart. He must be as it were the priest of the household; and therefore should be the most holy, that he may be fit to stand between them and God, and to offer up their prayers to him. If this be cast on the wife, it will be his dishonor.

Direct. VIII
The husband is to be the chief provider for the family (ordinarily). It is supposed that he is most able for mind and body, and is the chief disposer of the estate. Therefore he must be specially careful, that wife and children want nothing that is fit for them, so far as he can procure it.

Direct. IX
The husband must be strongest in family patience; bearing with the weakness and passions of the wife; not so as to make light of any sin against God, but so as not to make a matter of any frailty as against himself, and so as to preserve the love and peace which is to be as the natural temper of their relation.

Direct. X
The manner of all these duties must also be carefully regarded. As, 1. That they be done in prudence, and not with folly, rashness, or inconsiderateness. 2. That all be done in conjugal love and tenderness, as over one that is tender, and the weaker vessel; and that he do not teach, or command, or reprove a wife, in the same imperious manner as a child or a servant. 3. That due familiarity be maintained, and that he keep not at a distance and strangeness from his wife. 4. That love be confident, without base suspicions, and causeless jealousies. 5. That all be done in gentleness and not is passion, roughness, and sourness. 6. That there be no unjust and causeless concealment of secrets, which should be common to them both. 7. That there be no foolish opening of such secrets to her as may become her snare, and she is not able to bear or keep. 8. That none of their own matters, which should be kept secret, be made known to others. His teaching and reproving of her, should be for the most part secret. 9. That he be constant, and not weary of his love or duty. This briefly of the matter.

[url=http://www.ncfic.org/articlemodule/view_article/id/49/src/@random49598ead4a15d/]The Special Duties of the Husband to his wife[/url]

 2009/7/31 16:48Profile
reformer
Member



Joined: 2007/6/25
Posts: 764


 Re:

Quote:

BrianMira wrote:
Quote:

reformer wrote:
Struggling with having devotional time with my wife...we have tried on several occasions, but it just didn't seem to work well. I don't know really how to go about it. I was hoping that there would be some on SI that has some good ideas? Such as, should we go throw a book in the bible, read it separately and discuss it. Should I prepare a lesson, or should we just read together and then talk about it? My wife lately has been really asking about doing this, but I just not sure what or how to get started. I am somewhat intimidated...

I am excited that she has prompted this...it is a first!

regards
reformer



Reformer,

Although Greg's advice will probably prove to be beneficial and edifying, I would like to suggest to you what my wife and I have been doing for a year.

Actually, if you know me at all you probably know that my wife and I have only been married for two years this past May and July (we had two weddings in our respective courtries). As a wedding gift, someone gave us "15 Minute Devotions for Couples" by Bob and Emilie Barnes.

It was something for us to begin with, although we probably did not put forth as much effort as we ought to have. Last year we started "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers, along side a "Our Daily Bread" with both English and Korean.

Now, you must understand that I am under the conviction that wives desire and deserve a husband that will put forth the necessary effort and take the inititive to lead the family, even though I often fail in this pursuit.

To be honest, we miss a day here and there, but we try to make it the first thing we do in the morning. And I mean that I try to spend some time alone with God, while I let me wife sleep alittle longer or while she gets up (especially since she is pregnant now), then after using the toilet and brushing our teeth (sometimes not in that order), we get on our knees and 'do our devotionals together'.

You are right in that it can be intimidating and at times frustrating, especially when our lazy bodies would prefer more sleep to the point that we have to rush out the door for work. That is why we cannot put too much emphasis in the actual book time, rather the devotion to God with the one He gave you to grow with.

I have found that the scriptures come in handy (obviously) throughout the day and that the point of the particular devotional book seems to spring forth at just the right moment.

Greg's advice about the sermon series is good, but my wife likes to spend time with me and God, not the computer. Do not get me wrong, we do listen to many sermons together, but morning devotion for us is being quiet and still...knowing He is God.

A little scripture goes a long way, especially with something like Oswald Chamber's book. We tried reading entire books together or sticking to a bible reading plan, but we read differently to say the least. God speaks to us differently, so I can read chapter after chapter, while she prefers a different approach.

I have errored in trying to get my wife to do it my way, so I have learned that each day is different, but the path is clear. We both desire to know Him and He will reveal Himself day by day, as long as we are faithful in that pursuit.

One more thing, you mentioned "My wife lately has been really asking about doing this...".

What does she want? What does she need? How would she like to go about it all? Meet her needs and you will be fed also.

I hope this helps. Remember, I've only been married for two years, so I actually know nothing... :-(

Blessings,
BrianMira

P.S. 3 step process... Prayer, patience, Prayer




good stuff BrianMira thanks. I actually thought about Oswald Chambers because it is something quick and meaty we could discuss.

I rise pretty early in the morning for my quite time, I usually have to leave work by 6:15 am. She is not an early person, she gets up when i leave. Maybe I could talk her into getting up at 5:30am?

She wants to know the truth...she hears things about the end times, about other doctrinal issues...she wants to know why this or that. She really has an unction to know about the anti-christ. Some questions I don't feel qualified to help in a theological capacity. But I believe this is a start for us together...I have always tried to get her to do this or that...never worked. So I left it alone and one night she asked me a question and asked if we could start devotionals together. So now its intimidating because this is a weakness for me leading my wife through a devotion...just didn't know how.

but you gave a lot of good advice and greatfull thanks


 2009/7/31 20:29Profile





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