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rainydaygirl
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Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Marriage question??(my friend posted )

In marriage are husband and wife instructed to come together for prayer, Bible reading, and so on? If either of the spouse choose to not share that part of their life with the other is that sin? Would it be wrong for a wife to expect her husband to share his struggles and things that he is seeing with her? I am asking with the understanding that both husband and wife love the Lord, are born again and love each.

Thank you
rdg

 2009/6/12 18:26Profile
fuehrerbe21
Member



Joined: 2008/10/21
Posts: 151
Wisconsin

 Re: Marriage question??

RDG,

Quote:
If either of the spouse choose to not share that part of their life with the other is that sin? Would it be wrong for a wife to expect her husband to share his struggles and things that he is seeing with her?



Don't forget that in a Biblical marriage, two become one (Gen 2:24). So, if one person is experiencing a difficulty, the other is as well.

I guess I don't understand why a spouse would want to keep something from the other one.

Quote:
In marriage are husband and wife instructed to come together for prayer, Bible reading, and so on?



Ephesians 5:25-27 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."

Romans 14:12 says that we will have to give an account of ourselves to God. Since man is head of his wife (Ephesians 5:23) and the two are one flesh, I would say that this means the husband will have to give an account for his wife as well.

Therefore, he should hold his wife accountable. She should continue to grow in maturity and sanctification.


_________________
Ben Fuehrer

 2009/6/12 18:43Profile
rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

Fuehrerbe21

You asked:I guess I don't understand why a spouse would want to keep something from the other one.
++++

In my question I did not mean that one spouse was keeping secrets from the other. What I meant is that the husband is in some ways an introvert, he does not share with the wife about anything that he struggles with. He has his own Bible reading time, and prayer time.


Thanks for sharing the verses, I will be praying on this.
rdg

 2009/6/12 19:13Profile
fuehrerbe21
Member



Joined: 2008/10/21
Posts: 151
Wisconsin

 Re:

Well, being married myself, I too have my own personal study time, but I also share, instruct, discuss and hold accountable my wife to her own personal study. We may not always pull apart a passage the way I do in my own study, but we have a time of devotion each day after dinner.

This is not only something we do to strengthen each other and our marriage, but also an example for our daughter (and other children yet to come).

I know that by sharing with my wife, she helps keep me in check. How would the husband know the condition of his wife if they never discuss or study together?

God's word is something that we, as Christians, should rejoice in! We should never tire of sharing it with others, especially our spouses! After a life time of studying it, we will never fully grasp the complexities of God! When I said, "I don't understand why a spouse would want to keep something from the other one" I was not referring to secrets, rather I was referring to the word of God!

In regards to his personal struggles, I can tell you from my own experience, I don't hide anything from my wife. Even if I look at another woman with a lustful eye, I tell her. 1.) I have sinned against her, and scripture says to seek after the one you have sinned against before you seek God and 2.) she can't help me if she doesn't know I'm struggling. If she knows what I struggle with, she can pray for me and hold me accountable to those things. For example, if I struggle with pornography, then she will know not leave me home alone. If I struggle with drinking, she will hold me accountable to refraining from going to a bar or purchasing alcohol.


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Ben Fuehrer

 2009/6/12 19:34Profile
rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

I see what you are saying, but a wife does need to be careful not to demand or expect those kinds of things from her husband right???

Maybe I will just try to get my friend to post here on SI. Might be better for her to share what she is struggling with herself.

rdg

 2009/6/12 20:17Profile









 Re: Marriage question??

Sometimes there may be issues and revelations which due to where eachperson is in their walk, it isn't always appropriate or constructive to share with one's spouse. There may be a work whcih our Lord is doing in one's husband or wife which He has shared with one person and the husband/wife must stay out of His way as He accomplishes it. Oftentimes this simply means letting things run it's course, even when it seems like a hurrican is coming through.

The same thing can relate to prayer at times within a marriage. Due to maturity/ignorance, two people may not be inagreement in their prayer life, making any cooperative prayer useless until the Lord straightens things out. When we try to force a unity which isn't there at the moment, then it becomes a work of the flesh and just creates strife and confusion.

We must be careful in reading the scriptures and interpreting them in the flesh. Everything isn't always so black and white.

 2009/6/12 20:58
Theophila
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Joined: 2007/1/15
Posts: 365


 Re:

True word


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Tolu

 2009/6/13 8:11Profile
ginnyrose
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Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7464
Mississippi

 Re: Marriage question??

Quote:
If either of the spouse choose to not share that part of their life with the other is that sin?



No.

Perhaps another issue one should be more concerned about and that is how is [i]my[/i] relationship with the LORD? Am I walking in obedience? Am I as a wife honoring, loving my husband as scripture teaches? Do he feel my love and acceptance? If, not, perhaps the wife needs to work on this...

I saw a comment on a Christian website yesterday concerning a wife's submission to her husband and was a tad bit taken back where the poster called this concept "archaic, no longer applies to today's world..." rdg, it is easy to unknowlingly absorb the world's philosophy by reading modern women's magazines. This stuff should be considered poison, filthy rags and treated as such. Maybe this is this sister's problem? Something to consider...

rdg, this lady should remember males are wired differently then females. Males are not into feelings like females. Not all are like Dr. Dobson in this department: he is exceptional. So whatever you do do not complain about this difference, but embrace it and thank the LORD for this difference. Hey, I would be aghast if my husband would be like me! He is totally different BUT we need each other to fill in the gaps that God placed there. We are made with gaps and God made us women to fill these in. Don't fight it, and don't complain about it. Accept it with joy and humility and things will work out fine. Trust me - been there, done that.

Hope this helps,
ginnyrose


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Sandra Miller

 2009/6/13 11:05Profile
growingholly
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Joined: 2008/8/4
Posts: 201


 Re:

and we do as women need to submit to our husbands even when they are not walking according to the way they should. He doesn't tell us to submit to them as long as they're obedient, but to submit to them so that they can be won to obedience...even though they may be right or wrong, we are held accountable to our own actions and are called to submit to them.

i would encourage your friend to listen to any of paul washer 's sermons on marriage, or denny kenaston's hidden woman.

 2009/6/13 17:06Profile
rainydaygirl
Member



Joined: 2008/10/27
Posts: 742


 Re:

With my friends permission in her own words this is what is on her heart. Thanks for the replies I will pass them along to her, she does not have her own account yet...rdg


Dear ones in Christ,
I got married when I was pretty young, we have been together for some years now, we both love the Lord very much and are born again believers. My husband is an introvert, he likes being away from people. He is also very unemotional, and has a very difficult time giving of himself in any kind of personal level, or expressing his emotions. Getting him to open up and talk about things that are on his heart is very rare. He is very hard working, and is very diligent in providing for us. He works long hours, sometimes ten hours a day. His job does require that he interact with people and I do understand that when he gets home he needs some time to just be alone, but my problem is that he spends almost all of his time when he is home doing solitary things, reading, studying and so on. We do not pray together, or read the Word together at all. He has his own prayer and quite time separate from me. When I try to share things with him, my struggles or the things I have learned, he listens but offers no thoughts or opinions. He is very helpful around the house when I need him, and he does at times try to be more open, but its been a long road. Please don't think this is a post about a woman slamming her husband, its not. In fact the advice I am looking for is not about my husband at all, but rather about my heart and attitudes in dealing with him. I love my husband very much and I know deep down in his heart that he loves me to, I also know that his separating himself to the degree that he does is sin and something that he needs to die to. I have shared that with him, so he knows my heart on that, but I am not here looking for ways to change him. Its not my job to change him, that's the Lords job, and my husband is much better off having the Lord open his eyes to these things then me trying to harass him or nag him into changing. I do pray for him and I think he prays for me. My problem is that I find myself struggling with some very real issues in my daily walk lately that I could use prayer for and maybe some guidance in. Just lately I am beginning to struggle more with becoming frustrated with my husband, and at times I am overly sensitive to things that come up. Most of the time I feel like I am going through things alone and find myself really wishing that he and I shared that kind of intimacy that some couples seem to have where they are really able to be there for one another. I don't want to give into the enemy or give him a foot hold in my life where my marriage is concerned. I know that much of what I am struggling with is sin on my part and I really need to lay it down at the cross. I keep asking myself if I am asking for to much, expecting to much from my husband? Perhaps my wanting these things is coming from selfish motives on my part? Am I just being overly emotional , perhaps there are some things more in my own heart that the Lord is seeking to open my eyes to? IF you feel so led, please pray for me, my name is Marie.

His servant
marie

 2009/6/13 20:09Profile





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