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MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Feeling so foolish

Greetings

Something happened yesterday that I feel really angry with myself for. I allowed myself to stumble back into some old habits of behavior and thankfully the consequences are very minor but embarrassing for me. As for what happened let me just say I am going to be buying a hat to wear for the next few weeks. I am so angry because every time this issue comes up in my life(it has many times in the past) I keep saying I have finally learned my lesson and this is never going to happen again and yet here it is today happening again???? I just feel so foolish and stupid!!! Have any of you struggled in an area of your walk that you just don't feel as if you have victory over. I want to let this go and to die to it and there are so many times where I really thought that I had and yet it keeps coming back up.I know that on some level I think the reason I still struggle with this is because in my flesh I am not viewing it as I should. I really need to be seeking Fathers attitude and heart about this and completely once and for all die to self. Why are some areas so much more difficult to die to then others?

Thank you for allowing me to share this
God Bless
Maryjane

 2009/5/17 18:33Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7470
Mississippi

 Re: Feeling so foolish

Quote:
Have any of you struggled in an area of your walk that you just don't feel as if you have victory over. I want to let this go and to die to it and there are so many times where I really thought that I had and yet it keeps coming back up.I know that on some level I think the reason I still struggle with this is because in my flesh I am not viewing it as I should. I really need to be seeking Fathers attitude and heart about this and completely once and for all die to self. Why are some areas so much more difficult to die to then others?



Yes. And I suppose one needs to experience that one cannot pull oneself up by his own bootstraps! In fighting the devil it requires supernatural strength to gain the victory.

MaryJane, you did not give any details about what you are struggling with, but if you read these forums long enough you will find that others have problems - some quite severe - in overcoming. This is a sure enough war and you cannot do it alone. Sometimes it may take a while for many battles are not won very quickly because the devil does not give up easily - he will test your determination, your loyalty. And you know what? God is watching you, he is interested in this warfare as well.

God bless you, sister, and will pray for you.

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2009/5/17 21:10Profile
Grace2016
Member



Joined: 2009/5/15
Posts: 7


 Re:

Thanks for your post MaryJane and thank you for your response ginnyrose. MaryJane surely you are not alone in your desire to overcome. Just today I asked two sisters to pray for me to overcome two besetting sins I have endeavored, prayed, fasted to overcome for years and still I'm in sin. Please pray for me as I do you both. I'll name the sins which are both sins of the flesh so you can better pray--gluttonous eating and lust of the flesh. Thank you.


_________________
Paige

 2009/5/17 23:22Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Greetings ginnyrose and Grace2016

Ginnyrose thank you for sharing. You are right I was vague with my first post, I am sorry. When you get to the heart of the issue I am struggling with some insecurities and fears still surrounding my looks. About eleven years ago I really went through a difficult time in my marriage. It was hard for me because so much was said about my appearance during that time. Neither my husband or myself were walking with the Lord then and things were said that really cut deeply. I was over weight and being the mother of five young children I had in some ways let myself go. During this time I began struggling with my eating problems(binging and making myself sick afterward) and just a general fear set in about the way I looked. My husband was going through some of his own sinful attitudes at the time and we separated for a few months. He went to live with his parents, since they do not like me at all even more things were said and I really began to see myself as not being good enough. I believed it was my weight and general appearance that drove my husband away and that fear kind of stuck on some level. So much of who I was seemed to just disappear during that time and some how I became this fearful, insecure person, it is something that I still struggle with today.

After 5 months my husband did move back home, Father opened both our hearts to repent of past attitudes and things in my marriage were healed. I am so thankful for that. We both know that apart from Jesus we would be just another statistic.

I am not sharing this as a means of excusing my sinful behavior, so I hope that I do not come across that way. I know better but instead of following Jesus I gave into those same fears and worries again yesterday and it breaks my heart that I traveled down that road again. I know that its me, that I am the one causing this and doing this I just need to put into practice what I am always telling my boys and that is to have trust and faith. Trust in my husbands love for me and his love for Jesus and then most of all faith that even if I had everything in this life taken from me as long as I have Jesus that is all I need. I am just so disappointed in myself because I really thought that I had laid this all down, that I had finally learned to just walk these things out with Him daily and yet here I am again. I know more then ever how great my need for Jesus is. I can not overcome anything apart from Him.

Grace2016 I just wanted to tell you that I will be praying for you also. Thank you for your kind post and your prayers

God Bless you both
MJ

 2009/5/18 1:28Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7470
Mississippi

 Re:

MaryJane,

I am convinced of one thing: that is the devil will use whatever bad experiences we have had in the past and will use them either now or in the future to trip us up, even after we thought those things were behind us. Happens to me, too. The scripture in 1 Corinthians 10:12 comes to mind. It teaches me constantly that I can never be in a position where I think I have it all conquered and no more battles about it in the future. A practical lesson: we grow tomatoes and at times the plants look beautiful and I feel gratified...then boom! something happens and I wonder if we know [i]anything[/i] about tomato production. Really! and most folks find that hard to believe. But it is true. A life situation with a practical spiritual lesson.

So, MaryJane, Jesus still died for you whether others love you or not. This feeling of not being loved by those that should is very destructive. But you know what? you cannot go there. Remember these people have a problem with God and you are just feeling the effects of this estrangement. Sin always does that. So we must not take this personally. The Biblical thing now would be to ask Jesus to fill your heart with love for these unlovely folks. You know the Scripture instructs us to honor our parents...it doesn't say to only honor parents who are good folks, it says honor them. Now how can this be done? You do it as unto the LORD and not unto men. Big difference and when one does this you might be surprised what can and will happen. So when your honor is rebuffed it will not shake you because you are working with God, doing it all for him - it is his approval you need to be concerned about. Make sense?

God bless,
ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2009/5/18 23:55Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Greetings ginnyrose

Thank you for you reply. I really like what you wrote here:"It teaches me constantly that I can never be in a position where I think I have it all conquered and no more battles about it in the future."
______

This is a really good reminder for me to keep close at hand. I need to never be so comfortable in my daily walk that I think I can go it alone. My need for Jesus and His strength to sustain me is constant.

Of course you are right also about Jesus loving me regardless of what others say or do. Another really good truth for me to hang on to. As far as some extend family goes it has been really difficult for my husband especially with his mom and dad. They were not really happy that things worked out between us(they were hoping for a divorce) and that sadly is still there. I do pray for his parents though and we have tried to share with them as the Father leads us. I do try not to overly involve myself because they are his parents and there are things that he needs to deal with.

My darling husband is so sweet and understanding, he has been very loving and supportive the past few days. Even though I have completely messed up my hair, he very kindly did not rub it in or say I told you so at all. He did share some Biblical truth with me and I was very thankful for that as it to helped remind me of who I am in Jesus. So in the end prayerfully I will next time cling to Jesus and walk in His will for me and not give into self. On a side note I will be sporting a lovely hat this summer ;-)

God Bless you
MJ

 2009/5/19 1:35Profile
run2win
Member



Joined: 2009/2/1
Posts: 164
USA

 Re: Feeling so foolish

Dear Sister,

First of all, praise the Lord, He doesn't leave us in our sin, but shows us that we need His grace! We sorrow when we fail, especially as concerns besetting sin, but I rejoice in James 5:16. Confess our sins to one another and pray for one another. There is no uncommon sin, no uncommon temptation...and God is faithful to deliver 1Cor10:13.

Read Psalm 3. The enemy is defeated! I was listening to Thou O Lord (Brooklyn Tab. Choir) as I read your post, and it was so fitting. "But thou, O Lord, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head." Psalm3:3

I was convicted this morning of one of my sinful tendencies: to pick splinters. I have a critical spirit. I was convicted of my need to let Christ live out His righteousness in me and draw others to Himself as I work out His salvation in me. I am in need of more of His love demonstrated through His life in me. This death to self is an absolute requirement if I am to be Christ's disciple. His grace is sufficient.

O Lord, that I would counter every lie of the enemy with Your perfect Word!

Remember, by His grace you can leap over walls and run upon troops. Let us pray for one another, and remember that Christ ever liveth to make intercession for us!

May we live in victory one day at a time.



 2009/5/22 10:17Profile





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