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Discussion Forum : General Topics : thoughts????Edit: thanks to everyone, I'm going home wanted to say BYE!

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wind_blows
Member



Joined: 2009/1/4
Posts: 353


 thoughts????Edit: thanks to everyone, I'm going home wanted to say BYE!

Hi
I wonder if some of you sisters in Christ might have some thoughts you are willing to share with myself and a very close friend of mine, Janie. Here is the situation, my friend is 42 and she is married to a man who has been given a blessing to look very young. Even though they are the same age he looks like he is still in his early twenties. Janie's hair has started to turn gray and well she is in all honesty starting to show her years more(her words:-) She was thinking about having her hair lightened or colored to cover over the gray because now when ever she and her husband go out people have actually asked if she is his mom. She has had this happen several times in the last few weeks where strangers have referred to her as her husbands mother. Now I am thinking that she needs to be careful of not letting vanity be the reason she decides to color her hair if she chooses to, but at the same time I know it is embarrassing for her to have people always commenting to her about her son when it is actually her husband she is with. So is there any Biblical reason that she should not do this, if it is done in the right heart? I know she just really does not want to draw attention to herself when they are out together.

thanks for your thoughts on this
Your little sis in Him

 2009/5/5 13:15Profile









 Re: thoughts????

Hia Sis. If I may - I think it ONLY matters what her husband says about all of this.

 2009/5/5 13:33
wind_blows
Member



Joined: 2009/1/4
Posts: 353


 Re:

Hi
I should have mentioned that her husband does not have an opinion really either way. He said he is fine if she wants to color her hair, but he does not have a problem with her gray hair either. He does understand though that it causes his wife to feel embarrassed every time people ask about him being her son. He is pretty understanding about her feelings I think. The real question is that some others that she knows have said that coloring ones hair is the same as wearing makeup and should not be done. Janie does not look like she is really old, she looks to me like her age a women in her early forties, its just really that her husband looks young. Even when he goes out with his oldest son people ask if they are brothers so its not just her. I don't think it would be wrong for her to color her hair but then I think wearing modest makeup for some reasons is ok too. She is a really gentle spirited lady who just wants to walk out what the Lord has for her in this. I think her heart is really one of not wanting to grieve God in any way.

Thanks
Your sis in Him

 2009/5/5 14:02Profile
HeartSong
Member



Joined: 2006/9/13
Posts: 3147


 Re:

Quote:
She is a really gentle spirited lady who just wants to walk out what the Lord has for her in this.


If the Lord wanted her hair to be a different color, He would change it.

I really have difficulty understanding why she is embarrassed - does she fear man, or does she fear God? Why would one want to subject ones self to the wiles of the devil - for anytime we change ourselves for vanities sake, we take that risk - and her concern over what others think is vanity.

 2009/5/5 14:33Profile
wind_blows
Member



Joined: 2009/1/4
Posts: 353


 Re:

Hey Heart song

I guess it is hard to understand why she would feel embarrassed if your not walking in her shoes. I asked her why she felt so embarrassed and she said that its because she has to take the time to explain that her husband is not her son, that he is her husband in fact and then come the looks of your so much older you must be robbing the cradle(actually had one lady say that to her in a really disgusted manner) She has to explain how her and her husband are the same age just that he looks younger. She said she feels bad because people usually get embarrassed themselves and shy away from her after they learn that they called her husband her son. So I guess for her it has been a bit of a struggle. Your right though vanity can be an issue in these kinds of situations but I do not agree that is always the case. There are many times when I have known sisters in Christ who have changed their appearance as not to draw attention to themselves and there by taking the focus off of Christ. Some with medical issues and some with just wanting to change their bodies because they do not want to be stared at and the focus to be on them.

Thanks for your thoughts though, I will pass them along:-)

In Him

 2009/5/5 14:56Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7431
Mississippi

 Re: thoughts????

Do I think it is wrong for this lady to color her hair? The Scriptures do not say "thou shalt not color your hair", but what does the Holy Spirit teach this lady?

As a white haired lady who is married to a gray haired man, I suggest she embrace her gray hair! Make sure they stay clean and shiny and be tidy with her hair. Then I'll bet she will soon be right pleased with them! I used to detest white hair, pulling them out everytime I saw one: they sparkled like diamonds, I thought! Now I love it! Once you accept white hair, they assume an aura of distinction!

In reality, it seems to me she should respond to this with humor. Humor goes a long way to accept irresponsible remarks by thoughtless people. After all, most people's intention is not to offend: they just do not always consider how their remarks may effect a person. So, she might ask the LORD how she should respond to these comments and see what happens.

About the husband looking younger then the wife, that happens occasionally. So be it. One cannot hinder the effects of aging - we are all dying and some have it in their genes to show it younger. Nothing to be embarrassed about. This is nature. Character is what one can determine and is what one should be seriously concerned about.

My opinion...hope it helps,
ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2009/5/5 15:32Profile
wind_blows
Member



Joined: 2009/1/4
Posts: 353


 Re:

Hey Ginnyrose
I will pass this along to Janie. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Your right about having a sense of humor through all this. I know Janie has joked it off in the past, I think it just recently began bothering her because in a short period of time she has had this situation come up. She said that she wished the gray hairs would come in more evenly at least, right now it is coming in at the sides of her head and she said it makes her look like Lily from the monsters(old television show, I guess not really sure)

Your right about our bodies as they get older they tend to show those effects. I know that my mom is always telling me that there is no fighting against it. Its a loosing battle. I do think it is harder for woman now then it once was though. So much importance is placed on youth and looking young. Lots of pressure out there even on young women my age.

Thanks tons for your thoughts:-)
in Him

 2009/5/5 15:48Profile
Lysa
Member



Joined: 2008/10/25
Posts: 3392
East TN (for now)

 Re: thoughts????

Quote:
wind_blows wrote:
Hi
I wonder if some of you sisters in Christ might have some thoughts you are willing to share with myself and a very close friend of mine, Janie.

So is there any Biblical reason that she should not do this, if it is done in the right heart? I know she just really does not want to draw attention to herself when they are out together.

thanks for your thoughts on this
Your little sis in Him


Wind,
To me this is not a big deal. I think the Lord gives us a mind to know what to do and make rational decisions. I have raised one and am in the process of raising my second son. I have done the best I could by them and raised them to do what is right and so on. I do not expect them to come home to me every single time they want or need to make a decision the rest of their life!

Besides, I color my hair so obviously, I don't have a problem with it! (Huge grin) I have dark brown and it is highlighted different colors of blond. I used to have it highlighted years ago as well but then my hair started turning gray rapidly THEN I decided to highlight it again! I am not highlighting my hair for a man or to get a man because I do not date. My hair color is for me and me alone.

Is it a shame or sin for something like this to give me joy? Obviously some think so but I do not.

The Lord knows her heart and if "she" wants to highlight or dye her hair, tell her there is one woman on here that said, "Go for it!" :-D

God bless!


_________________
Lisa

 2009/5/5 15:54Profile
HeartSong
Member



Joined: 2006/9/13
Posts: 3147


 Re:

I am sure that the Lord has things the way they are for a reason. Have your friend pray as ask the Lord to show her how this situation might be used for His glory.

 2009/5/5 16:29Profile
wind_blows
Member



Joined: 2009/1/4
Posts: 353


 Re:

Hey
I talked to my friend, she is grateful to you all for sharing your thoughts. As it turned out her husband has taken matters into his own hands and surprised her this evening by going and having his own hair done. He is now sporting his dark brown hair with subtle highlights of gray through out. She was very touched by his demonstration of love in doing that for her.He thought it would make him appear closer to his age of 42. I asked if he looked any older, she laughed and said no not really because he has such a baby face but she loves him all the more for trying.

Thanks to everyone
in Him

 2009/5/5 20:19Profile





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