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Discussion Forum : General Topics : Dating

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joeSOC
Member



Joined: 2006/9/5
Posts: 94
Melbourne Australia

 Dating

OK let me define what I mean by dating. Two people engaging in a level of closeness similar to that seen in marriage, with the purpose of investigating a potential marital commitment. They may or may not get physical regardless there is an emotional intimacy.

Is this wrong and what does the bible say about this. I love to hear your thoughts.

Once again I want to thank the people who have contributed in the past and helped clarify a lot of questions.

 2009/2/21 19:09Profile
sermonindex
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Posts: 36693
"Pilgrim and Sojourner." - 1 Peter 2:11

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 Re: Dating

I encourage you to study and look at biblical courtship. Here is a audio series to start with:

[b](Godly Courtship) 01 Godly Courtship (Part 1) by Denny Kenaston[/b]
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=12499&commentView=itemComments

[b](Godly Courtship) 02 Godly Courtship (Part 2) by Denny Kenaston[/b]
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=12500&commentView=itemComments

[b](Godly Courtship) 03 Godly Courtship (Part 3) by Denny Kenaston[/b]
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=12501&commentView=itemComments

[b](Godly Courtship) 04 Testimonies Of Courtship by Denny Kenaston[/b]
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=12502&commentView=itemComments

[b](Godly Courtship) 05 Godly Courtship - Question & Answer by Denny Kenaston[/b]
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=12503&commentView=itemComments

[b](Godly Courtship) 06 Marriage, Courtship And Marriage by Denny Kenaston[/b]
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=12504&commentView=itemComments

---

In my mind it is well worth the time studying, preparing and making sure about marriage. This the biggest decision you will make outside of Christ. It is not going to school, buying a car or home, but it is much bigger then this and consider how much we plan, study and contemplate before we go ahead with these things. How much more marriage.


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SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2009/2/21 19:15Profile
joeSOC
Member



Joined: 2006/9/5
Posts: 94
Melbourne Australia

 Re:

I guess one of my main questions I have is does God specifically will tell a person who they should marry ?

 2009/2/22 2:17Profile
theopenlife
Member



Joined: 2007/1/30
Posts: 926


 Re:

Important question you have asked, it could change your life!!

I believe the way God generally tells people things is by giving them understanding of the Word and then guiding them to act freely within the prescriptions of scripture. For instance, the scripture say to do honest work. We can therefore pursue any honest calling, and leave it to the Lord to prevent or prosper that pursuit.

Here is an article that you may find helpful:
[url=http://theopenlife.blogspot.com/2008/10/christian-freedom-in-decision-making.html]Christian Freedom in Decision Making[/url]

As for the specifics of pursuing a relationship,

Quote:
Two people engaging in a level of closeness similar to that seen in marriage



Sounds dangerous. Flee youthful lusts. There is a lot that can be learned without having such close, constant proximity. The modern method of "sampling" one's spouse is... modern. It's just as well, I think, to keep your friendship public and guarded with external accountability.

Paul told Timothy to "treat younger women with all purity, as sisters." If you are not yet married to her, she may yet become another man's wife, and your lifelong sister.

God give you wisdom.

 2009/2/22 2:40Profile
Joshh
Member



Joined: 2008/8/26
Posts: 62


 Re:

Quote:

joeSOC wrote:
I guess one of my main questions I have is does God specifically will tell a person who they should marry ?



Common question, though I can't answer from experience as I've never married. I can tell you that most Christians I've talked to have said that God either played a major roll in facilitating the relationship or flat out played matchmaker. Take that for what it's worth...

 2009/2/22 5:40Profile
joeSOC
Member



Joined: 2006/9/5
Posts: 94
Melbourne Australia

 Re:

Quote:
For instance, the scripture say to do honest work. We can therefore pursue any honest calling, and leave it to the Lord to prevent or prosper that pursuit.



This is an excellent point. However my problem is the scripture does not give me a list of honest callings. Therefore by what standard can I come to the conclusion that a calling is honest. According to some doing spy work is honest from a govt perspective but dishonest as you are stealing secrets from another country.

Am I correct in understanding that once the scripture is living in a persons life and they have renewed their thinking according to scripture they will be able to discern the will of God to the precise degree of accuracy as can be seen in Romans 12:2

 2009/2/22 5:43Profile
theopenlife
Member



Joined: 2007/1/30
Posts: 926


 Re:

joeSOC wrote,

Quote:

"Am I correct in understanding that once the scripture is living in a persons life and they have renewed their thinking according to scripture they will be able to discern the will of God to the precise degree of accuracy as can be seen in Romans 12:2"


In theory, yes. In practice, no. If we all had a perfect understanding of the Word, and if our hearts and minds were perfectly renewed, then we would know precisely what to do in every circumstance. This is why Paul is able to tell Timothy, the scriptures make us perfect unto every work." The reality is that our understanding is never complete in this life. Thus we must "study to show ourselves approved." Although we know what to do in certain cases, others baffle us and require a further search of the scriptures.

As for what is honest work, the bible has in great clarity determined what that is. In the following statements, the term "ordinarily" should be taken to mean the "usual and expected activities" involved in a service or profession. For instance, a general carpenter does not ordinarily expect to receive requests to fashion idols, but a Christian is debarred from intentional involvement in the art of idol making.

Honest Work in the Sight of God

1.) Honest work may be done to the glory of God, either directly by declaring His doctrine, or indirectly by serving the necessities and comforts of mankind for the improvement and right enjoyment of society. Honest work does not ordinarily cause persons to attribute to anything else that which properly belongs to God alone. That which properly belongs to God alone is divine worship, ultimate trust, final satisfaction, and acknowledgment as the sole source of all holiness and real good.

2.) Honest work does not ordinarily create false representations of God, or obstruct others from correct worship of Him.

3.) Honest work takes no ordinary part in blasphemous uses of God's name, nor slanderous characterizations of His person.

4.) Honest work does not ordinarily prevent others from gathering with believers for the times of weekly worship appointed by local elders under authority of God, except for acts of mercy and necessity. Honest work does not inhumanely oppress oneself or others with overwork, or in any way harm one's neighbor unjustly. Honest work ordinarily allows for at least one day in seven for useful rest from labor.

5.) Honest work does not ordinarily involve any sinful dishonoring of one's parents, whether through neglect, misuse, or otherwise, nor of those whom God has appointed over oneself for the administration of society, such as civil and military leaders.

6.) Honest work does not ordinarily involve any unjust killing or harming, both physically or essentially, of others.

7.) Honest work does not ordinarily involve laying a stumbling block to commit adultery, whether physically or essentially, in the path of others.

8.) Honest work does not ordinarily involve intentional theft or unjust procurement of goods, materially or essentially, for the purpose of personal or corporate gain.

9.) Honest work does not ordinarily involve personal deceit, nor does it compel others to lie, distort truth, or any way misrepresent facts.

10.) Honest work does not ordinarily promote corrupt desires for personal or corporate gain at the unjust expense of others, but seeks through industry to increase the mutual good of others.

All of honest work is summed up in the command to love God with all our heart, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves.

The same mechanism of the commandments can be applied to any circumstance, through the lens of the Beatitudes.

God bless you.

 2009/2/22 22:58Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7421
Mississippi

 Re: Dating

Quote:
They may or may not get physical regardless there is an emotional intimacy.



Just briefly - one word of caution: getting physical will impair your ability to make rational judgements concerning anyone you are seeing as a potential spouse. Getting physical will awaken you to physical desires that can overwhelm you and ruin any common sense you may have had. This is just naturally speaking, did not get into the spiritual and that is closely connected to the natural.

Blessings,
ginnyrose


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Sandra Miller

 2009/2/22 23:09Profile
run2win
Member



Joined: 2009/2/1
Posts: 164
USA

 Re: Dating

Lots of good advice, resources, etc. suggested on this topic. Prayer and Bible study are most important to discern God's will and to experience His peace in all decisions.

Regarding dating/courtship: I have found the Joshua Harris books helpful and realistic. You don't have to agree with everything(re: courtship), but the wisdom and principles are sound. :-)

 2009/2/22 23:33Profile
menderofnets
Member



Joined: 2008/9/26
Posts: 73
South Yorkshire, UK

 Re:

As with many things, God works His own purposes out individually, not according to a set 'let's get these two together' methodology.

Personal experience - my wife knew the day she met me that I was to be her future husband. She'd prayed for a few years through college, promising not to date until God showed her, and we met at university. I had no idea, but the knowledge that she was right for me built over time. We were married within 18 months.

There isn't a set pattern, otherwise we'd all do it. Personally, I'd relate it to other aspects of Christian life - dedicate it all to Him before, and trust in His guidance. He hasn't let me down, nor my friends who are now married. In all things, God can be trusted.


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Jamie Adam

 2009/2/23 4:25Profile





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