| Should i have reason to be fearful |
AS i have said that i feel that the presence of the lord has left me now for almost 2 years now ever since i continued in my sexual sin with my wife before we were married and the bad thing is that she was never saved, i even told god while i was severely depressed that i guess you could send me to hell and let me and her marry one another because i knew no matter what if i lost her i was going to go under great depression, the lord let us marry and i have not had the presence of God ever since since july of 2007 and as much as i have prayed he hasn't answered me yet. At one time i had been changed by God, was delivered from my homosexual feelings, from selfishness, had no desires no longer of the things in the world and felt as if i was walking with the lord and had no problem studying his word and being joyful and serving him. I knew the truth and that jesus was the truth. I never remember repenting of my sins completely or even coming under the conviction of my sins. All i did was call out to the lord for healing of a bone problem and heart palpitation problem and he healed me and i instantly believed in him. I felt as if my eyes were opened and the word of god was so true, i would follow the word of god and heard the holy spirit pointing out my sin. I would repent and confess. Then i fell into sexual sin 2 months after the lord came and i stayed in that sin for 3 years and never fully repented. I got married and then felt the lord leave me and since then my faith has grown cold and weak, i have had demons in my eyes torture me with depression, panic attacks and fear. I can't live for god anymore, i have all this hate filled inside of me with anger, jealousy, lust, greed, bitterness, all of this plus more. I don't have thje same desires anymore for the lord and can't do anything about it. I need some saints pray for me and maybe try to break down what has happened for me because i have heard people say i might have lost my salvation according to terrifying scriptures like hebrews ch. 6, 10, peter ch. 2 and others in revelation and more. I have heard preachers like paul washer and other christians say i might have never been saved or i the lord could be chastizing me. I have wondered what has happened did i ever truly repent, my answer would be i didn't, i really haven't had a clear understanding of sin and repentance and even the gospel until this past year during this trial. But i did believe at one time and felt as if i had a new nature not wanting the things of the world and entertainment only the things of God. I only to this day buy godly things and hate the things of the world but seem to be drawn back slowly. I get convicted seldomnly. I don't care too much more for anyone anymore, i even hate people and am very angry at them and have no remorse for it. What has happened to me, i look at it now nd say if i only had known what i was doing was that offensive to god i would have never done it and would have repented and never went back. But i had no bible knowledge and actually have 4 books left to read in the bible to go in the old testament most of that has been done in the past 2 years.And to make things worse i read this by charles finney http://www.gospeltruth.net/1839OE/391218_grieving_hs2.htm
Is it over for my chance to repent, why won't god come back and why does it now seem impossible to keep my faith without being tormented by doubts. Brothers and sisters i know you have read this from me before but i need someone who might have a testimony or any leading by the holy spirit to help me. I am so scared now. You have seen me respond on my stances with eternal security and being elected but i will say i am very fearful i might be wrong.JOhn
| 2009/2/16 23:16||Profile|
| Re: Should i have reason to be fearful |
Praying for you.
| 2009/2/16 23:22||Profile|
| Re: |
I'll pray for you too, friend.
Also, perhaps this sermon may be helpful. It is on the Prodigal Sons, but it is probably not the way you have heard it before, I would strongly encourage you to listen to it, I have seen it change people, by God's grace:
If I can be of any help to you, send me a PM.
With care in Christ,
| 2009/2/16 23:27||Profile|
| Re: Should i have reason to be fearful |
the fact you are concerned is a good sign...clearly not blasphemy of The HOLY Spirit.
"without faith it is impossible to please the LORD"
faith even that you are not right in the sight of HIM.
HE died FOR us!!! while we were enemies...seriously what kind of love is that? not the kind that gives up.
Faith is hope in things that are not seen...did you hope in HIS kindness before you experienced it? Was it any less real? Do you pursue it with fervency? That which motivated you...what was it?
READ Psalms 51 when this happened to David. you are not the only one friend.
GOD knows we need what is real or we will not be satisfied...at some point some lie seemed better to you then the truth...that is when you hid your face from GOD (like the first sinners), not that HE hid from you. The WORD does say if we "esteem inequity in our heart HE will not hear us" because we are speaking Satan's native language (falseness) and failing to say what we really mean to pour out to be right, but instead speak vain things that if HE did reply would leave us more empty.
Friend, in any relationship we need to be right with ourselves before reconciliation with another...like when we did ourselves a favor by admitting our desperate need for true freedom, and forgiveness, and we became friends with GOD.
Are you willing to surrender all for love?
If so may your peace return to you...for HIS love is better than life.
| 2009/2/17 3:17||Profile|
| Re: |
Thank you for your words, i do feel better tonight, maybe more peace, i am very concerned and want to be made right before God, i hate my current condition but i feel that i have been forever cursed by God for marrying an unbeliever and being in sexual sin for so long. I truly thought God called me to preach but i can't in my current condition until i know i am truly saved and forgiven, God bless you.
| 2009/2/17 3:48||Profile|
| Re: |
The LORD is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him.
For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.
As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
But the lovingkindness of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to childrens children,
Take courage brother, perhaps you could whisper or read these aloud...praying.
1 Be gracious to me, O God, according to Your lovingkindness; According to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.
2Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity And cleanse me from my sin.
3For I know my transgressions, And my sin is ever before me.
4 Against You, You only, I have sinned
And done what is evil in Your sight,So that You are justified when You speak And blameless when You judge.
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me.
6 Behold, You desire truth in the innermost being,
And in the hidden part You will make me know wisdom.
7 Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Make me to hear joy and gladness, Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
9 Hide Your face from my sins And blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me away from Your presence And do not take Your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of Your salvation And sustain me with a willing spirit.
13 Then I will teach transgressors Your ways,
And sinners will be converted to You.
14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, the God of my salvation; Then my tongue will joyfully sing of Your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips, That my mouth may declare Your praise.
16 For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; You are not pleased with burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.
18 By Your favor do good to Zion; Build the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then You will delight in righteous sacrifices,
In burnt offering and whole burnt offering;
Then young bulls will be offered on Your altar.
1 Hear my prayer, O LORD!
And let my cry for help come to You.
2 Do not hide Your face from me in the day of my distress; Incline Your ear to me; In the day when I call answer me quickly.
3 For my days have been consumed in smoke, And my bones have been scorched like a hearth.
4 My heart has been smitten like grass and has withered away, Indeed, I forget to eat my bread.
5 Because of the loudness of my groaning My bones cling to my flesh.
6 I resemble a pelican of the wilderness; I have become like an owl of the waste places.
7 I lie awake, I have become like a lonely bird on a housetop.
8 My enemies have reproached me all day long;
Those who deride me have used my name as a curse.
9 For I have eaten ashes like bread And mingled my drink with weeping
10 Because of Your indignation and Your wrath,
For You have lifted me up and cast me away.
11 My days are like a lengthened shadow, And I wither away like grass.
12 But You, O LORD, abide forever, And Your name to all generations.
13 You will arise and have compassion on Zion; For it is time to be gracious to her, For the appointed time has come.
14 Surely Your servants find pleasure in her stones And feel pity for her dust.
15 So the nations will fear the name of the LORD
And all the kings of the earth Your glory.
16 For the LORD has built up Zion; He has appeared in His glory.
17 He has regarded the prayer of the destitute
And has not despised their prayer.
18 This will be written for the generation to come, That a people yet to be created may praise the LORD.
19 For He looked down from His holy height;
From heaven the LORD gazed upon the earth,
20 To hear the groaning of the prisoner,
To set free those who were doomed to death,
21 That men may tell of the name of the LORD in Zion
And His praise in Jerusalem,
22 When the peoples are gathered together,
And the kingdoms, to serve the LORD.
23 He has weakened my strength in the way; He has shortened my days.
24 I say, O my God, do not take me away in the midst of my days,
Your years are throughout all generations.
25 Of old You founded the earth, And the heavens are the work of Your hands.
26 Even they will perish, but You endure;
And all of them will wear out like a garment;
Like clothing You will change them and they will be changed.
27 But You are the same, And Your years will not come to an end.
28 The children of Your servants will continue,
And their descendants will be established before You.
| 2009/2/17 4:01||Profile|
South Yorkshire, UK
| Re: |
Sin is far more dreadful for the believer because a believer understands in more clarity, in more detail what sin is and how it offends God. For the lost sin is something else. Blasphemy against the Spirit is unforgivable, as is unbelief which can be a toughy, especially for someone who has walked with God and then fallen.
But take heart!
God leaves the 99 to go after 1 lost sheep. His sheep know His voice. Do not be discouraged by the Spirit's conviction, instead let Him work fully in your life. Only you will know what changes you will need to make, but strengthen what remains and place yourself in the hands of God whose justice and mercy are great.
I too was called to preach but fell and God is still working things out in my life. But I have been persuaded by the Spirit that there is no condemnation for me, and in fact my knowledge of God, my understanding of grace, of mercy, of the truth of God's love and of the depth of God's compassion is greater now than ever before. And it is still not very great now! But God, who is rich in mercy and whose purposes in repentance are more beautiful than we can imagine takes the broken shards of our lives and creates something. Hebrews 6 and 10 and the other chapters rightly are disturbing and a necessary warning for any who utterly reject Jesus Christ, denying wholeheartedly the Gospel and turning their back on Him. But for those who repent there is forgiveness.
This is a controversial issue, and the judgemental attitudes of other Christians heap condemnation where a) it is only God's place to do so and b) where God still holds out grace. God will deal with you in His own way, which is perfect. If it is painful, God will be there with you, but do not abandon hope, for His ways are not our ways, and where we would condemn God would wait, like the prodigal Father, for His child to return.
Strengthen what remains, and commit yourself to God, to pick you up when you fall, to heal and restore you in His own great timing, but do not lose heart, and reject the lies of the enemy.
May the LORD bless you and keep you. May the LORD make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you. May the LORD lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.
| 2009/2/17 4:16||Profile|
| Re: |
Taylor i listened to the sermon and it was wonderful, i will send it to some others i know who our struggling. Who is that sermon by. Also the only thing i did not interpret good was the part where said we only don't repent for sins and i didn't get the rest, what does he mean.
| 2009/2/17 4:29||Profile|
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Everyone else thank you for encouragement and the scripture. I at times realize that i am so caught up in my sin that i don't repent and i realize that i call out to God and tell him that i am not repenting from my heart but i know something is wrong help me.
| 2009/2/17 4:38||Profile|
| Re: |
I'm glad the sermon was helpful, it was by Tim Keller.
I think he is saying that we must not only repent of sin, but also repent of our "goodness", and our supposed merit outside of Christ. We have to come to see that if we are to be saved, it will be only through Christ's work on the cross.
Christianity is not primarily about looking inside yourself, it's about looking outward towards what Christ has done for you. Receive and rest in that. Doubt your doubts, friend.
Your feelings will enslave you, because you are letting your feelings determine "reality", instead of letting reality determine your feelings. Christ has promised that those who believe in Him will be saved. Faith, by definition, is unseen. We must receive and rest in this promise, trusting that the Lord is a covenant keeping God.
If you would like some other sermons on the Gospel that I think would be helpful, I can post them when I get to a computer.
With all care in Christ,
| 2009/2/17 7:57||Profile|