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Discussion Forum : General Topics : Did you choose your spouse or God?

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HeartSong
Member



Joined: 2006/9/13
Posts: 3156


 Re: Did you choose your spouse or God?

Hello Santana,

Quote:
I'm in a courtship with a Godly woman but all of a sudden I'm unsure. I definitely want to marry her but now I have unrest, uneasiness and a lack of peace.


Have you prayed and asked the Lord if this is the woman that He would have you to marry? While we are all free to do what ever we want, it is when we do things in accordance with the will of God that blessings flow forth. Simply pray and ask the Lord to show you His will in the matter - and then watch for His answer.

Marriage is covenant, which is very serious in the eyes of the Lord. Only He knows who is right for you.

 2009/2/5 19:23Profile









 Re:

Look, heres how I see this...I had so much uneasyness about marrying my wife. Let me give you the reasons I could have used to not marry my wife:

1. Our pasor told us he wouldn't have married us if we came to him. He didn't approve.

2. I was 18 and she was 18.

3. Her parents were completely against the idea. My family wasn't too thrilled either. We married against our parents will.

4. I was living with my mother.

5. Felt horrible.

Man...so many other reasons I can't remember.

Those are the big ones though. Anyways, it's been 10 months now, almost our 1st aniversary. We got married first and foremost because we both wanted to do God's will and we trusted by faith that it was His will for us to marry. He would use marriage to conform us to His will. To show me how unloving I am that I might look to Him for help. How unsubmissive she is so that she would look to Him for help.

After that, we got married because we loved each other.

Let me fast forward to right now. I'm 19, she's 18. We moved into our first apartment just over a month ago. We have a beautiful daughter named Leah who was born last friday. What else can I say?

Suppose I didn't marry my wife, Leah would not be here tonight. God forbid! By all means, marry away! Marry with faith in Christ! Just the fact that God gave us a child is proof enough to me that He loves us and was with us when we chose to go against the ways of the world and obey the Bible when it says to marry. The world is doing away with marriage which God has created. We Christians should be bold lions and lionesses and marry.

Incase your wondering, we haven't slept on a bed of roses this entire time. We've are sinners and have sinned against each other. I've gotten angry and so has she. She's been unsubmissive and I've been unloving. We married upon the foundation of God's glory, God's will and not our's being done.

I hope that what I've said might encourage you to be bold and look to Christ as your only help.

 2009/2/6 3:36
Vakugal
Member



Joined: 2006/2/7
Posts: 57
Bangalore, India

 Re: Did you choose your spouse or God?

I am one who failed in this area. I never listened to God's word, never waited on Him in prayer. But I believe Romans 8:28 that He will work all things perfect.
Havng said that, I would certainly suggest that you wait upon the Lord and ask your friend also to wait upon the Lord. Our God is not just a concept, He is real and He will clarify things for both of you.
Often there are times that I know that certain decisions are in God's will, but I have not waited for God to give me complete clarity and just plunged in. But there are times I tarried and waited for that clarity and it almost seemed that I might not get the answer and it might be too late, but against such pressure I waited and God came through. And what joy was mine, because I did not rush till that final clarity came.
I would earnestly request you and your friend to wait on the Lord in specific prayer.
I would also like to recommend the biography of C T Studd by Norman Grubb, for both of you. It speaks about the initial courting time and how the key focus was to encourage each other to pursue in obedience and love to the Lord.
God will come through, He always has, always will - that is how He is.

 2009/2/6 4:12Profile
Vakugal
Member



Joined: 2006/2/7
Posts: 57
Bangalore, India

 Re: Did you choose your spouse or God?

Just wanted to add a link to a book by Zac Poonen, in this regard
http://www.cfcindia.com/web/mainpages/book_window.php?book=sex_love_and_marriage

 2009/2/6 4:17Profile









 Re:

Quote:
Just the fact that God gave us a child is proof enough to me that He loves us and was with us when we chose to go against the ways of the world and obey the Bible when it says to marry.



Can I say something without casting [b]any[/b] judgement on the situation of [b]Paulmcg1[/b]?

I can tell you're 19. This has got to be the most immature, inexperienced advice I've ever heard anyone give concerning marriage. The fact that God gave you a baby is proof that you had sex... not proof that God approves of everything you did. (Altho I do truly hope that He did approve, I'm not judging that)

An unsaved couple could use this same logic... we live together and God blessed us with a baby, therefore God approves of how we're living.

No, it just prooves your bodies are working properly.

If you've taken what I said earlier in this thread about my kids and applied it to every marital situation, then I repent of ever having said it.

You're married, God bless you. I pray only the best for you, and that God's will will be done in your lives. I dont know you, and so I am in no way judging you. But I would [b]NEVER[/b] recommend marriage be rushed into, or entered into by [i]most[/i] people your age.

There is a country song thats popular right now called "Back When I Knew It All". You're 19 now, so you have no way of understanding where I'm coming from... but one day, 20 or so years from now... you will.

I know you'll tell me that scripture says that I shouldnt "despise" you because of your youth. I dont. I pray your as wise as you think you are. I truly do.

But your advice, and "proof" of God's blessings is immature and very bad advice. I wish I didnt have to say that as strongly as I am... but marriage is nothing to fool with or to be taken lightly.

There is a series on Courtship that Paul Washer did. I dont know if it is available on SI or not, but to anyone contemplating a relationship with a member of the opposite sex I highly recommend you find it and listen to it... and heed it!

Krispy

 2009/2/6 7:35









 Re:

Quote:

KrispyKrittr wrote:

There is a series on Courtship that Paul Washer did. I dont know if it is available on SI or not, but to anyone contemplating a relationship with a member of the opposite sex I highly recommend you find it and listen to it... and heed it!

Krispy




[url=http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=13918&commentView=itemComments]Dating Sermon by Paul Washer[/url]

Also, this [url=http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/singlefile.php?lid=17989&commentView=itemComments]Singles Table Talk with Keith Daniel[/url] has a lot of wisdom in it in regard to courtship.


 2009/2/6 9:44
Santana
Member



Joined: 2006/8/17
Posts: 286


 Re:

Quote:
Just the fact that God gave us a child is proof enough to me that He loves us



I know Godly couples who can't have children.

Anyways, I appreciate all the advice. I know Paul speaks on us choosing our own wife but...Why is there a but in my insides? =)

What if this is who I chose and not who God chose? I get scared that God is leading me to seperate sometimes but I can't imagine why. I'm almost even scared to pray about it for fear of saying break up. But then why would Paul, in 1 Corrinthians 7 say we can chose our own wife?

I know it wasn't meant to be this complicated. Good greif!


_________________
Leonardo Santana

 2009/2/6 10:44Profile









 Re:

I said it before... I'll say it again... Find a mature Christian (or Christian couple) who has been walking closely with the Lord and married for many years... who knows the two of you fairly well... and seek their advice.

You want someone who will be brutally honest with you, not someone who will necessarily agree with you.

Krispy

 2009/2/6 11:00
TaylorOtwell
Member



Joined: 2006/6/19
Posts: 927
Arkansas

 Re:

Krispy is giving you good advice. Remember, this is the Internet. We don't know you.

Quote:
What if this is who I chose and not who God chose? I get scared that God is leading me to seperate sometimes but I can't imagine why. I'm almost even scared to pray about it for fear of saying break up. But then why would Paul, in 1 Corrinthians 7 say we can chose our own wife?



What do you mean? The fact that you choose them manifests the fact that God chose them. Whether he chose them as a means of bringing you closer to him through affliction or to be a joyous blessing to you remains to be seen. It's impossible to go against God's predestined pursposes, but it is possible to go against his revealed will. Does that make sense? So, in summary, it is impossible not to fulfill the decreed will of God (what he has purposed to take place in time), but it is possible to not fulfill the revealed will of God (obeying the Scriptures).

We have freedom within the revealed will of God. If we are seeking to live a life in accordance with Scripture, we simply trust God to bring to pass his decreed will. We are never called to try and search it out by prayer, regardless of what modern spirituality tries to tell you. That is never how prayer is presented in the Scripture. The revealed things are for us and for our children, the hidden things belong to God (Deut 29:29).

Since I don't know you or this lady, it's impossible for us to give you sound counsel here. I can only present general Scriptural principle.

With care in Christ,
Taylor


_________________
Taylor Otwell

 2009/2/6 11:23Profile
HeartSong
Member



Joined: 2006/9/13
Posts: 3156


 Re:

Quote:
We are never called to try and search it out by prayer, regardless of what modern spirituality tries to tell you. That is never how prayer is presented in the Scripture. The revealed things are for us and for our children, the hidden things belong to God (Deut 29:29)


If you do not search "it" out by prayer, how do "things" move from the "hidden" realm to the "revealed" realm?


Matthew 21:22
And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.

Luke 11:10
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

James 1:5-6
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed.

James 4:2-3
Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.

 2009/2/6 14:13Profile





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