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tjservant
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Joined: 2006/8/25
Posts: 1658
Indiana USA

 Self-esteem movement creates 'arrogant' teens

A pro-family advocate says a recent study published in Psychological Science highlights the problem of too much positive reinforcement.

The study compared teens from the 1970s with teens today, and researchers found that today's teens are highly overconfident, more arrogant, and expect more things to be handed to them rather than earning their way. The researchers concluded that the self-esteem movement may have gone too far.

Story continues [url=http://www.onenewsnow.com/Culture/Default.aspx?id=327710]here[/url]


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TJ

 2008/11/23 16:42Profile
sojourner7
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Joined: 2007/6/27
Posts: 1573
Omaha, NE

 Re: Self-esteem movement creates 'arrogant' teens

Not surprized at this news at all!!


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Martin G. Smith

 2008/11/23 19:32Profile
JoanM
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Joined: 2008/4/7
Posts: 797


 Re: Self-esteem movement creates 'arrogant' teens

Quote: [i]The researchers concluded that the self-esteem movement may have gone too far.[/i]

And the educators wondered if they had waited a bit too long to teach the 10 commandments. (humor not fact)

 2008/11/23 19:48Profile
rbanks
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Joined: 2008/6/19
Posts: 1257


 Re:

I don’t mean to be critical here of James Dobson and focus on the family but it seems to me that He is one of the main one’s in the church that has pushed self esteem in his teachings.

This is an interesting thread. I have often wondered about how to balance out situations in light of the Word of God. The bible speaks about denying self and taking up the cross. Many are not preaching the true gospel message. We don’t need self esteem, we need Christ esteem.

I also know the bible says to esteem others better than your self. I have been studying here lately about how our society is so different than it was years ago when preachers preached so strong that people feared the Lord and His word. I know we need to understand the times we are living in. There are more teenage suicides today than back then. People of out day don’t have the values of years ago. Homes are broken and teenagers are left to themselves and turn to drugs, alcohol, ungodly music, sex, violence, and a culture that is so rebellious to the godly lifestyle.

I believe that we need to bring people to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ but many today are saying that our youth need to know that God loves them. They are saying that they need love and the reason that many teens end up committing suicide is because they were never loved and that they didn’t know that God loved them. For example I was ministering to a young person recently and I was praying with Him and wanting to see contrition, true repentance, and a real faith in Christ for salvation. I found out later that the people who brought the teenager were letting him stay at there house because his parents didn’t care anything about him and were living a life of gross sin. This couple was letting him stay with them a lot and he was so appreciative. He has never been taught about God. He really appreciates the love they have shone him.

It does seem hard sometimes to tell people that they need to repent when their self esteem is so low because they are carrying such a deep scar of pain from their past abuse, neglect, and being unloved by the very people who were suppose to love them.

On the other hand, it doesn’t seem so hard to tell people to repent who have been spoiled, proud, sinful, and just plain rebellious when they have had it so good.

Hey, I’m just throwing these things out there because I believe we must come to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ because we all have sinned and I have a problem with trying to build peoples self esteem. Jesus said we must deny ourselves.

I just want to be lead by the Spirit to do the right thing according to the situation at hand. Thanks for this thread.

 2008/11/23 21:18Profile









 Re:

When my oldest boys were real young I coached them in Parks & Rec soccer and basketball. It was pathetic. I hated it. No one should keep score (even tho the kids do!), everyone should play equal time (which I can see when their 5), never be negative about anything... everyone gets a trophy. They take the competitiveness right out of competitive sports!

Christian comedian Brad Stine nails it when he talks about this... he says they set it up that no one is the winner because it will make the other kids feel bad... so he concludes "If none of you are winners... then you're all LOSERS!!"

This is why I love coaching football, other than the fact that it's my sport. At the level I coach at... the best players play. This creates an evironment of challenge. You want to play more? Get better! Work harder!

If they all know they're gonna play, and play equal time there is no incentive for anyone to work harder! It drives me nuts.

You want the game ball? Earn it! You want Player of the Year? Work for it!

And sometimes I do go negative on them. Why? Because sometimes they arent playing good enough, or working hard enough... and I know that they can do better. So I don't have a problem telling a kid "That tackle was pathetic!"... or "Fire off the ball faster than that!"... and don't ever let someone jump off sides in practice! I'll put the fear of God in a kid for jumping off sides.

But... when a kid does well, and shows me excellence... or shows me improvement... they all know I'll praise them in front of the whole team.

The fact is life is hard. And compared to God we are worms. Having a proper perspective on oneself is important, but today we're esteeming ourselves higher than God.

I know of a Christian sports organization in this area that is one of those "everyone is a winner" kinda things. It's called "Upward". The concept is ok, but they are big on not "hurting" anyone's feelings and all that. We know a kid who plays sports for them... and this kid has no athletic ability whatsoever. He always wins the "Most Christlike" award.

Kinda makes me laugh... Thats the award for the kid who can't play.

C'mon. Everyone needs to Cowboy up.

Krispy

 2008/11/24 8:46
tjservant
Member



Joined: 2006/8/25
Posts: 1658
Indiana USA

 Re:

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies.

I wish there were more coaches like Krispy out there, Coaches that push children to excel and mature into manhood without losing focus on the fact that God is the true coach and He is all that really matters.

I enjoyed your reply as well rbanks, you brought up many good points.

I will share a little about my situation.

I grew up in a house that was loaded with Dobson and Peale type books. As a child, I always had a desire to please others or at least be well liked; this was destructive on many levels. Slowly through the years I became dependant on the views of others for my self esteem, I needed them to like me. It was my sole means of deriving my sense of self worth.

When someone said I was a loser…I believed it. The scoreboard doesn’t lie. The only problem was that this was the world’s scoreboard. It would be many years later before I realized it meant absolutely nothing.

I suffered greatly throughout junior high and high school, often times feigning sickness to avoid it all together. I actually missed over fifty days of school my freshman year. I was developing a pattern that would last well into adulthood. Other people’s opinions and thoughts were shaping my perception of myself. As I look back, I see I was simply running from what was hurting me. I had empowered the world and it was dictating my life. If the scoreboard said I was a loser…I WAS a loser. If the fashion industry said I should dress a certain way…I NEEDED to dress that way. If the world said I should act a certain way…I ACTED that way. During high school I was voted best dressed, I was on the student council, and I dated cheerleaders. It didn’t work…none of it did.

It finally reached it’s peaked in my late twenties with the arrival of massive panic and anxiety attacks that left me unable to hold the most basic of jobs. Depression was also a key factor. I had been hospitalized for it my sophomore year of high school and it was becoming clear to those around me that this was my only form of recourse. I had tried all the drugs that doctors had to offer; over eight psychologist and psychiatrists, not to mention several “Christian” counselors and home study courses.

I was over thirty years old, an alcoholic drug abuser, when, by the grace of God, I was saved. I was just a few steps away from being admitted into some kind of last ditch effort hospital program for people suffering from clinical depression and other psychological disorders.

That night it was made abundantly clear to me that my worth comes from God alone. The Creator of all creation loved me so much that He gave His only begotten Son for me. I still have trouble trying to understand such love. I was a God hating devil worshiper who wasn’t worth the gas it would take to be run over by a garbage truck, yet…He died for me.

Scoreboards don’t bother me anymore. That fact that I’m absolutely terrible at certain sports and events doesn’t either. My worth is derived from the price that was paid for me, not what the world thinks. God Himself, taking the form of a man, came to earth and died on a cross for me. A price to high to comprehend was paid, and man’s opinion simply doesn’t carry weight anymore.

I didn’t need self esteem. I needed to understand what happened on the cross. Today, when I look at the world’s scoreboard, I see a cross in its place and know what I’m worth.

It’s not about me (self), it’s about Him (God).

Grace and peace


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TJ

 2008/11/24 10:44Profile
Compton
Member



Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 2732


 Re:

Quote:
I didn’t need self esteem. I needed to understand what happened on the cross. Today, when I look up the world’s scoreboard, I see a cross in its place and know what I’m worth.


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Mike Compton

 2008/11/24 11:08Profile
fuehrerbe21
Member



Joined: 2008/10/21
Posts: 151
Wisconsin

 Re:

do you suppose God is ever satisfied with us where we are at? do you suppose we are all winners? God does not hesitate to rebuke us.

my wife and i are currently in the process of training our daughter in obedience. learning "no" and to come when called or to respond to us when we speak (the first time) is a challenge. it is for her benefit that she know when she should or shouldn't do something. It is for her benefit that she learn obedience and discipline.

It is my hope that my daughter will have greater esteem than I did growig up, not because I will make her think she is perfect just the way she is, but because i hope her esteem will be in God.


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Ben Fuehrer

 2008/11/25 15:15Profile





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