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madmatg
Member



Joined: 2004/5/25
Posts: 94
asia

 seeking advice from those more advanced in there walks than I

Hey everyone,
I'm having a crisis in my life, known as girlfriend. I am a sophmore in college and have been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now. Like me she has just recently begun to accept christ. I have felt an intense love for her for most of the time we have been dating but she has never, and has said that shes not, on the same "level" of love that I am. She has said that she has feelings, but that she does not yet feel right in saying "i love you", but she believes that if you hang with it that day will come when she will. I myself am a hopeless romantic and am torn between feelings that love is a *snap* its there kinda thing and that love can grow on you. I have prayed about this fervently, cried in prayer, which i havent ever done b4, and I figured that this would be a good place to start looking for God's answer.

thank you


_________________
matt

 2004/7/8 19:56Profile
crsschk
Member



Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 9192
Santa Clara, CA

 Re: seeking advice from those more advanced in there walks than I

From a purely practical stand point brother, you might consider backing off the intensity, she may be feeling pressed and in light of the fact that you are both new believers there will be plenty to work out in additon to this as you continue to grow.

Wouldn't stop [b]showing[/b] your love for her and as you become more and more Christlike this will have a greater effect than anything you can say. I know how you feel brother, I was/am (well I am married now :-) ) (kidding) very much the same way, hopeless romantic, but try to use this energy to get to know Him better.

Here is a message that though it is on marriage, definitely pertains to all relationships, it was a huge help and real eyeopener for me:

Keith Daniel
[url=http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=1853]Marriage[/url]


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Mike Balog

 2004/7/8 20:18Profile
KeithLaMothe
Member



Joined: 2004/3/28
Posts: 354


 Re: seeking advice from those more advanced in there walks than I

Quote:
I'm having a crisis in my life, known as girlfriend.

I'm fairly familiar with that sort of crisis, not from quantity of experience but from quality. Often good advice would be to run and hide, but for a great variety of reasons that isn't an acceptable option. I'm not entirely kidding.

Quote:
I am a sophmore in college and have been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months now.

Keep in mind it may be a few years before you can responsibly consider marriage (considering finances, employment, etc). This isn't so much a caution against emotional intimacy as it is against physical intimacy (or even proximity in some situations). Try not to put yourself in a situation where your judgment may be impaired, and it's not a good idea to get so close that your body certainly thinks sex is appropriate when your morality (which must be Biblically guided) is saying quite the opposite.

Quote:
Like me she has just recently begun to accept christ.

Don't seriously consider marriage until you're sure that you're both Christians (in beliefs and actions). If either falls away, you cannot morally marry (except the one repent, of course) and should not continue a relationship that is for the purpose of determining whether or not marriage is appropriate.

2 Corinthians 6:14
Do not be bound together with unbelievers; for what partnership have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness?

Quote:
I have felt an intense love for her for most of the time we have been dating but she has never, and has said that shes not, on the same "level" of love that I am. She has said that she has feelings, but that she does not yet feel right in saying "i love you",

I was in essentially that exact situation a bit more than a year ago, she certainly liked me and considered me a possible husband, but her feelings weren't as intense as mine. She eventually decided not to continue the relationship (I was unable to determine the reason, but I don't think it was the disparity of feelings at the previous point).

Quote:
but she believes that if you hang with it that day will come when she will. I myself am a hopeless romantic and am torn between feelings that love is a *snap* its there kinda thing and that love can grow on you.

If you're both seriously in love with God (according to the Biblical definition of loving God, which includes an genuine desire to obey Him, and obviously obeying Him), avail yourselves of His means of grace (primarily the Bible, prayer, fellowship, etc) and stay faithful to Him you'll most likely do fine together even if emotions aren't where you wish they were. But if those emotions don't eventually come (give it time), it might not be a good idea to make such an important commitment as marriage.

John 14:15
If ye love me, keep my commandments.

1 John 5:3
For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.

Quote:
I have prayed about this fervently, cried in prayer, which i havent ever done b4,

This is important: are you primarily interested in what God wants, or in what you want? Obviously we're interested in both, but the priority must be God. I think I was guilty, part of the time, of unconciously caring about my own desires (girlfriend) more than God's (holiness, ministry, among others).

(edit, added passage)
1 Corinthians 7
32 But I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord;
33 but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife,
34 and his interests are divided. The woman who is unmarried, and the virgin, is concerned about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and spirit; but one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
35 This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.

Quote:
and I figured that this would be a good place to start looking for God's answer.

This place is something else, and some of the people here really have a lot of experience with God and with God-centered relationships. I'm not really one of them, but I do have some experience relevant to the situation between you and your crisis.

Love God, seek God, obey God. Teach and lead her to do the same, if she is willing.

Matthew 6
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33 But [b]seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness[/b]; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

(I like the last sentence there too, paraphrased it is "Each day has enough trouble of its own")

Pray and earnestly seek to grow closer to God with each passing day and moment, and pray and encourage her to do the same. In growing closer to Him, if it is His will, you will grow closer to one another.

(I wish I had some verses for that, but I don't, so it could be wrong)

God's grace be with you, I'll remember the two of you in my prayers.
-Keith

 2004/7/8 22:54Profile
ravin
Member



Joined: 2004/5/6
Posts: 309
Washington st. u.S. A.

 Re: seeking advice from those more advanced in there walks than I

If you love her then respect her for what she has to say.listen and she will see in your actions that you really do love and respect her enough to listen. I'm marryed just new(7yr's) in the lord. my wife and the lord have an understanding. He comes first then I'm next in line. He comes first then she is next in line. when we put him first in our marryed life, he knows that he is the master of our life and as a good sheperd he leads us be side still waters. by listening to her you let her know that you are not self centered and and that others are importaint in your life.
I prayer this is of some help to you. God bless and ask him for a word after all God is love.
Brother Raven

 2004/7/9 1:53Profile
crsschk
Member



Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 9192
Santa Clara, CA

 Re:

Ah, one of the great new features of this site is the "[b]Random Article[/b]" section, you never know what surprises it holds.

This just came up brother and may be helpful.

[url=http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/articles/index.php?view=category&cid=119]Denny Kenaston[/url]

There is a series of articles on courtship if you scroll down a bit on the link...


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Mike Balog

 2004/7/9 10:49Profile
madmatg
Member



Joined: 2004/5/25
Posts: 94
asia

 Re:

thanks for all the help guys. I've now realized that i have been keeping things in my heart and not turning them over to God, I have been holding things above where i hold God. Thank you all so much for the help


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matt

 2004/7/9 18:49Profile





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