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 apology for my arrogance

Hi, my name is Ben and I've posted a few times on this site recently and I feel really foolish for doing so now. The reason is that I'm not sure I'm really a christian. I have studied the bible for 3-4 years. I'm afraid that God hates me. I expect most people who say they are christians are not. So far, the only person outside of the bible that seemed like a real believer to me was Menno Simon(s?) but I don't know if even he is for real - I really hope so though. I have met a couple other men almost "randomly" who seemed like maybe they had faith.
I don't want to be punished by God's wrath. I don't want God to be angry with me either but I don't understand what to do - I need to believe, repent and be baptised but everybody says believe this or believe that and I think they're all liars. I know that if God sees a genuine heart in me that he can answer all these things but my heart is so overflowing with ungodliness. I've been trying to pursue a clean conscience as best as I know how but I've kept giving up over stupid things like food or coffee or fear of people at my work. I have to confess things to people that could lead to going to jail and there are many evil things I've done that I don't know if it would be proper or shameful for me to confess or try to make amends for. My heart has been so full of bitterness and despair. How can Jesus not hate me? It seems like there is a bottomless pit of evil and pride in me that I cannot fill with all the tears in the world even if I wasn't constantly following after my flesh. Please if anyone is really born of God, please pray for me if it is ok.

 2008/7/5 17:00

Joined: 2005/6/17
Posts: 285

 Re: apology for my arrogance

i will pray for you..
you need to trust in Jesus put your faith in Jesus's works, not your own.. God's wraith was paid for at the cross of Christ , Jesus swallowed the punishment of God for believers.. " now there is no condemation for those in Christ Jesus".. leave behind your old way of thinking and put your faith upon the lamb of God.. the ONE who stood in your place.. CHRIST..


 2008/7/5 17:14Profile

Joined: 2007/9/13
Posts: 1752


[u][b]Psalm 6 (NKJV)[/b][/u]

O LORD, do not rebuke me in your anger
or discipline me in your wrath.

Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.

My soul is in anguish.
How long, O LORD, how long?

Turn, O LORD, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.

No one remembers you when he is dead.
Who praises you from the grave [b] ?

I am worn out from groaning;
all night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.

My eyes grow weak with sorrow;
they fail because of all my foes.

Away from me, all you who do evil,
for the LORD has heard my weeping.

The LORD has heard my cry for mercy;
the LORD accepts my prayer.

All my enemies will be ashamed and dismayed;
they will turn back in sudden disgrace.


 2008/7/5 17:27Profile

Joined: 2008/4/7
Posts: 797

 Re: apology for my arrogance


 2008/7/5 17:28Profile

Joined: 2005/2/16
Posts: 621
Cache Valley, Utah

 Re: apology for my arrogance

Dear Ben,

One of the most important things you have to come to realize is that nothing you do is worth any merit to God, and will not cause Him to love you. He will never love you because of anything in you. Even if you had a "genuine heart" it would not affect His mind toward you, because God's favor requires a perfection that cannot come from fallen men.

Know that God does love you, and that this love springs from nothing else but His own nature as the God who is love, who even though justice requires wrath for righteousness sake, still He loves sinners regardless of their unbelief, unrighteousness, and ungratefulness. God demonstrated His love by sending His Son Jesus Christ, the perfect God-man, to die upon the cross, becoming a curse for us, to fulfill God's righteous requirement in us and remove the wall of condemnation that separated us from Him due to our sin. Your reconciliation with God has nothing to do with what you can do, because you cannot do anything; not a thing. Not sincerity, prayer, tears, even faith, will cause God to remove the condemnation you deserve. Only His Son's perfect life and death pleases Him, and with Christ God is eternally satisfied. If you believe God's testimony concerning His Son, His death the sacrifice for sins, His burial and resurrection, His undeserved love for you, then you will be saved. Do not think that you must do anything to prepare for HIs grace. Only believe.

That's your only hope. Don't ever trust any man that tells you that you must do something to gain God's favor. There's nothing in you that has not fallen and only a perfect righteousness wrought by a perfect Savior can save you. Look not inward to yourself, but "look unto me all the ends of the earth and be saved, for I am God, and there is none else." (Isaiah 45:22)

May the Lord reveal this to you; this unearthly wisdom of God.

Eli Brayley

 2008/7/5 17:29Profile

Joined: 2005/1/9
Posts: 1076
Germany NRW

 Re: apology for my arrogance

Dear Ben,
I see that the Spirit of God has already started convicting you. God has put his blazing searchlight on you. You see yourself in your appalling and shameful condition.

You have 2 options:
1) Surpressing this conviction and going back to your old slavemaster Satan who told you that everything is fake and that there are no real Christions and further cultivate your bitterness. Let darkness cover your sins, meet your judge on the last day.

2) Allowing Him to accomplish his work and showing you the truth. Repent and believe in Christ and he WILL forgive you. Do not be afraid of confessing the things you have done. God knows anyway.

I Can tell you from my own experience that God tried several times to lead me to repentance but because of my stubborness I refused a couple of time.

I am praying for you! We all were at the crossroad. Let us know the outcome.


 2008/7/5 19:16Profile


Hi Andy. Thank you for responding.
How does someone know whether they are truly in union with Jesus? I think there will be condemnation for those who believed they were his yet were not. Otherwise why would they have been taught to test and examine themselves?

 2008/7/5 21:45


Thank you for sharing such a tender psalm Christiaan. Some of these verses have been coming to mind here and there. Sometimes I feel embarrassed and ashamed comforting myself with them though since they are describing a sincere heart and someone who had "foes". The desire for trivial comfort seems to prevent the broken heartedness that I feel I should have. But what else is there to do?
Thanks again, Ben

 2008/7/5 22:08

Joined: 2007/1/30
Posts: 926


I recommend reading Eli's post several times, and then read the book of Romans straight through. The gospel, not your willingness, is the power of God unto salvation. By the power of the Spirit, the gospel produces faith in the hearts of God's people. Take up and read. We'll pray.

 2008/7/5 22:28Profile


Thank you Joan - and thank you for the other post.

 2008/7/5 22:32

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