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Discussion Forum : General Topics : HELP - Am I still Married????

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 Re:

Here's today's radio program on Revive Our Hearts ministry and I thought of you when I saw this.

[url=http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php]What Do Men Need?[/url]

Here's an excerpt:

"I went to the Lord, and I said, “Lord, this isn’t working. I don’t like how I feel about him by focusing on what’s wrong—or what I think is wrong.” God may not even think it’s wrong, but I had come to the conclusion that it was wrong. And I said, “God, I’m going to give him to You. I’m going to tear this list up, and I’m not ever going to pray about things that need to be changed in his life again. If You want to change his life, it’s Your business, not mine. I’m going to instead focus on the things that are good.”

It’s a really practical way that we as wives can show respect to our husbands—by focusing on the things that are good, the things that he does do right. Thank him for those, praise him for those, encourage him for those things. And as Shaunti just said, watch him light up when we do give him respect for what is good and what is honorable and what is respectable in his life...."


I'm sure she is talking about not concentrating on certain characteristics here that she does not like about him but we should pray if they are struggling with sin in any area of their life.


Peter 3:1-4

1Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

2While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

3Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;

4But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.



 2008/4/10 8:46









 Re:

If your husband is guilty of these things, then perhaps he needs to be saved... because this is not the behavior of someone who has been born again and has had a renewing of his mind and heart.

You may wish to investigate a little further into his previous marriage too. Men cheat because we're basically dogs (when not walking with God). But when a woman cheats thats a pretty clear indication that there is a problem with the man. Not excusing what she did, but if she was being verbally abused as you were, the result was her adultry.

Without knowing him, I cant make this judgement, but if what you are saying about him is true... then I dont believe he has ever truly been born again. This doesnt release you from your vows... but may help in knowing how to address this whole situation.

Krispy

 2008/4/10 13:55









 Re:

This thread has a familiar ring to it...

Krispy

 2008/4/10 15:00
PaulWest
Member



Joined: 2006/6/28
Posts: 3405
Dallas, Texas

 Re:

Brothers and Sisters,

It needs to be said once again that this forum is not a place for online marriage counseling, and I would strongly discourage anyone from using it as such. All too often these conversations have a tendency to drift into areas that should only be discussed behind closed doors, perhaps with a pastor or someone you personally know and can confide in. It is uncomfortable and offensive for some (myself included) to read about references to marital intimacy and infidelity, and, frankly, I believe some of the things being mentioned in this thread are inappropriate for a public forum.

I would humbly ask those participating in this thread to exercise discretion in both giving and receiving information. Failure to do so will result in this thread being locked.

Brother Paul


_________________
Paul Frederick West

 2008/4/10 15:05Profile









 Re: HELP - Am I still married????


Hello Paul,

I'm not sure if you're just uncomfortable that the truth about some things is so rank. I agree. It makes me feel yucky also.

Okay. So we are the onlookers.



How yucky does the person seeking help feel?



More or less than us?



Why does anyone post on an internet forum amongst deeply committed Bible believing Christians, if they are surrounded by good people in their own local church, all of whom know the Lord personally, and are full of Godly counsel? Is this a mystery? Or is a local church full of Godly people who know the Lord personally, just a figment of our imagination?

You said

Quote:
I believe some of the things being mentioned in this thread are inappropriate for a public forum.

I agree - from my natural man - until I remember the light of scripture, and all that [u]God[/u] has revealed there.

I am shocked at some of the things He called Israel and her relatives, and worse, that He even punished them so agressively for their sins, sending cruel invaders to kill them, or pestilence or famine. He abhorred that they didn't want a relationship with Him; one which would mean giving up their idols and all the sin involved in worshipping them.


Another thing that bothers me about the situation which sparked this thread, and your response to it, is that we are demonstrating so little nerve and expertise in this (and other fields of human experience), which it is very reasonable for a poster to hope is represented here. And we like to think that we are as much 'the Church' as anyone else - maybe even more serious about God than they (those outside the forum) are - and yet - are we truly representing [u]Him[/u] when we cannot abide to listen to another person's woe? Or bear with them in their confusion?

This (forum) may well not be the place for the ultimate solution to this situation to be settled, but surely it can be a place of [i]emotional safety[/i] (not being criticised for the nature of one's need) and of [i]fellowship in Christ[/i] - " 'scaped from the world, redeemed from sin ..." as it is put in the hymn, without anyone feeling [i]spiritually[/i] compromised in the process?

 2008/4/10 17:08
PaulWest
Member



Joined: 2006/6/28
Posts: 3405
Dallas, Texas

 Re:

Quote:
Another thing that bothers me about the situation which sparked this thread, and your response to it, is that we are demonstrating so little nerve and expertise in this



This is not a psychology office; this is a revival forum. If you are bothered by my response, please contact Greg Gordon. We go through this each and every time I moderate on a thread. No one else but you, Linn. The truth is, apart from the sexual things being discussed openly here, another reason this thread is about to be locked is to stop the further spread of your godless "teaching" and personal views concerning wedding vows and the sanctity of marriage...before things get even worse.

Quite simply, the intimate things being discussed in this thread are [i]inapropriate[/i] for public discussion - and it has nothing to do with the natural man versus the spiritual man - it is a matter of discernment and not political-correctness or psychotherapy or wresting certain scriptures to fit our experiences in life. I know Greg and Mike share the same conviction as I do. Some of the advice and views on marriage expressed here have been quite objectionable, but above all, there is content here not suitable to be discussed publically.

Paul


_________________
Paul Frederick West

 2008/4/10 21:12Profile
MaryJane
Member



Joined: 2006/7/31
Posts: 3057


 Re:

Greeting Brother Paul

I agree completely with what you said in your post concerning this thread. I to as a sister in Christ am not comfortable having this discussed in such a public way.

God Bless you
MJ

 2008/4/10 22:56Profile
Zionshield
Member



Joined: 2007/2/13
Posts: 135
Ohio

 Re: HELP - Am I still Married????

Melinda,

There are too many Christains that speak on this issue without having thoroughly researched the topic. Its too important for you not to be completely informed and if they haven't been through it, loved someone who has or studied it intensely don't take their word for it. There's context, culture and so many verses involved in this. Its deeper than people may initially understand and because its not an issue in there life its probably not something they are going to go after with all their heart. Be very sensitive to the Lord.

In my oppinion, and that's all it is. No, you are not married to him. Be very careful that the enemy isn't leading you to live with him as though you were married. Am I someone who knows from experience? My wife went through the exact same thing. HOSEA HAD TO REMARRY GOMER AFTER THEIR DIVORCE. WHAT IS BOUND ON EARTH IS BOUND IN HEAVEN. WHAT IS LOOSED ON EARTH IS IS LOOSED IN HEAVEN. The divorce contract is just as binding as the marriage. Please, be very careful where you get your councel on this matter.


_________________
Randy Lambert

 2008/4/10 23:13Profile
crsschk
Member



Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 9192
Santa Clara, CA

 Re: Nonsense

Paul is absolutely correct here. The glaring and grievous aspect that is most intolerable is this pouring of ones own notions into somebodies situation that are not stated.

Quote:
Another thing that bothers me about the situation which sparked this thread, and your response to it, is that we are demonstrating so little nerve and expertise in this (and other fields of human experience), which it is very reasonable for a poster to hope is represented here. And we like to think that we are as much 'the Church' as anyone else - maybe even more serious about God than they (those outside the forum) are - and yet - are we truly representing Him when we cannot abide to listen to another person's woe? Or bear with them in their confusion?



You are demonstrating much nerve and audacity with those same presumptions that you actually know what is going on when nothing has been stated specifically one way or the other. Others here have done likewise. This becomes some sort of "opinion central" with presumed questions on the order of "If this is what he or she is thinking then _____" Or "In my case _______". Read through all this and see how much presumption is at hand. This idea that we can pour our experiences or notions into everybody's circumstances is beyond foolhardy. I am well sick and tired of seeing notions from the self styled experts turning out so called advice.

This is not the Christian equivalent of Ann Landers here. Paul's admonishen stands. This thread will be locked.

Food for thought. If we are incapable of asking questions rather than presuming and cannot see how foolish it is to offer advice based on presumption, woe to us. Anyone of us thinking we are helping matters by doing such is seriously deceived. It is not the fault of the original poster here to ask an honest question though again this is not a proper place for counseling in these matters. I have a greater indignation at the sheer foolishness and readiness to just spout out whatever comes to mind without consideration of the ramifications.

Don't bother with the PM's or emails if you don't like it, they will be ignored.


_________________
Mike Balog

 2008/4/12 13:51Profile





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