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Discussion Forum : General Topics : HELP - Am I still Married????

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melindaj0819
Member



Joined: 2008/4/9
Posts: 4


 HELP - Am I still Married????

I have been divorced from my x-husband for 9 months now. Reason for divorce was he was verbally abusive. I now see (since being in a women's bible study) many things that I did to cause some of his anger, like lack of respect, controlling, my anger. He has came back into my life and now when I go to church, preachers (3 to be exact) have said that in the eyes of God we are still married. Neither of us have been with anyone else since our divorce but I find it hard to believe that we are still married since I filed for the divorce and it was final. But, the convictions are setting in... am I still married to this man?? In the eyes of God??


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Ninna

 2008/4/9 14:22Profile
PreachParsly
Member



Joined: 2005/1/14
Posts: 2164
Arkansas

 Re: HELP - Am I still Married????

I can't imagine anyone objecting to you reconciling with your x-husband. But, you aren't married as far as the government sees it. I think if you reconcile you should show it legally.

EDIT: Just curious, but is he a Christian?


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Josh Parsley

 2008/4/9 14:37Profile
melindaj0819
Member



Joined: 2008/4/9
Posts: 4


 Re: HELP - Am I still Married????

Yes, he is a Christian, we both are. He was a new Christian when we were married.


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Ninna

 2008/4/9 14:40Profile
sojourner7
Member



Joined: 2007/6/27
Posts: 1573
Omaha, NE

 Re:

If you were a Christian when you married, the
vows that you made before God are sacred and
binding. Your husband may need help with
managing his anger, but if he will yield to
God's leading, he will grow to understand he
should love you as Christ loved the church.
This is my hope and my prayer for you!!


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Martin G. Smith

 2008/4/9 14:54Profile









 Re:

Well... according to scripture, since there was no adultry, then if you remarried someone else you would be committing adultry. So by the definition of adultry, I would say that you're still "married" in the eyes of God. I do agree with Preach, it's proper to make things legal in the eyes of the government tho. If you're going to give it another go then I would recommend you get married "legally" before you resume "husband and wife" relations. I think that would be proper and godly.

But so what? The fact is, since you're both believers, then you have an obligation before God to get things right between you and with His strength make your marriage work. This might involve a lot of counceling, etc... prayer and fasting... whatever it takes.

You might think it would be easier to just find someone new, but frankly it would only be a matter of time before you end up in the same boat with Mr. New Guy... except now scripture says you're in an adultrous relationship.

The right thing is usually the hard thing. But in the spirit of forgiveness and love, and in light of your newly God revealed revelations about your own contributions to the break up... I think you can make this thing work.

Krispy

 2008/4/9 15:00
PreachParsly
Member



Joined: 2005/1/14
Posts: 2164
Arkansas

 Re:

Here is a verse you might like to think about.

1Cr 7:10 And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband:
1Cr 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.


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Josh Parsley

 2008/4/9 15:35Profile









 Re: HELP - Am I still Married????

Verbal abusive?? Thats it?

Some had it worse like being physically abused and mentally abused, many have stuck with it. You should have just gotten separated until you were able to find out what his problem was and come to find out that you were part of the problem.

According to the word of God and since there was no fornication, regardless of a legal document stating that you are divorced, your actually still married. And since you both aren't sexually seeing anyone, you should make arrangements to be legally married again.

Quote:
Matthew 19:9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Don't jump back into this right away, give yourselves some time to think things through. And this is a perfect opportunity to talk about these things together. If he opens up and shares his problem, be understanding and offer him your humility as a privy to the problem ie; what your learning in bible study, never allow it be one sided.

So in the meantime you should spend some quality time together, and continue with your bible study. The only thing that will stand in your way is your pride, and the simple fact that your probably enjoying your freedom as a single person, that too can be a hinderance.

If you have friends that counsel you say "ditch him", you've got bad friends, it's time to ditch them.

 2008/4/9 15:45
ccchhhrrriiisss
Member



Joined: 2003/11/23
Posts: 4488


 Re:

Hi PreachParsly...

Quote:

PreachParsly wrote:
Here is a verse you might like to think about.

1Cr 7:10 And unto the married I command, [yet] not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from [her] husband:
1Cr 7:11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to [her] husband: and let not the husband put away [his] wife.

Very good advice from the Scriptures.

Melinda, I will be praying for you and this situation. Be encouraged in Christ.

:-)


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Christopher

 2008/4/9 15:51Profile
PreachParsly
Member



Joined: 2005/1/14
Posts: 2164
Arkansas

 Re:

Quote:
Verbal abusive?? Thats it?

Some had it worse like being physically abused and mentally abused, many have stuck with it. You should have just gotten separated until you were able to find out what his problem was and come to find out that you were part of the problem.



I'm sorry, but this comment does absolutely no good. Maybe it's just coming off wrong from my computer screen. I don't mean to just go on an emotional rampage but I can't believe you just said that. If I knew you a little better would it be hard for me to say, "you shouldn't have done that! Some were tempted so much more than that!"?

There are a whole lot of things I can now see that I did in the past that I shouldn't have, but me stating the obvious about my past doesn't help me deal with today.


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Josh Parsley

 2008/4/9 16:21Profile
Miccah
Member



Joined: 2007/9/13
Posts: 1752
Wisconsin

 Re:

[u][b]Numbers 30:3-16 (NKJV)[/b][/u]

“Or if a woman makes a vow to the LORD, and binds herself by some agreement while in her father’s house in her youth, 4 and her father hears her vow and the agreement by which she has bound herself, and her father holds his peace, then all her vows shall stand, and every agreement with which she has bound herself shall stand. 5 But if her father overrules her on the day that he hears, then none of her vows nor her agreements by which she has bound herself shall stand; and the LORD will release her, because her father overruled her.
6 “If indeed she takes a husband, while bound by her vows or by a rash utterance from her lips by which she bound herself, 7 and her husband hears it, and makes no response to her on the day that he hears, then her vows shall stand, and her agreements by which she bound herself shall stand. 8 But if her husband overrules her on the day that he hears it, he shall make void her vow which she took and what she uttered with her lips, by which she bound herself, and the LORD will release her.
9 “Also any vow of a widow or a divorced woman, by which she has bound herself, shall stand against her.
10 “If she vowed in her husband’s house, or bound herself by an agreement with an oath, 11 and her husband heard it, and made no response to her and did not overrule her, then all her vows shall stand, and every agreement by which she bound herself shall stand. 12 But if her husband truly made them void on the day he heard them, then whatever proceeded from her lips concerning her vows or concerning the agreement binding her, it shall not stand; her husband has made them void, and the LORD will release her. 13 Every vow and every binding oath to afflict her soul, her husband may confirm it, or her husband may make it void. 14 Now if her husband makes no response whatever to her from day to day, then he confirms all her vows or all the agreements that bind her; he confirms them, because he made no response to her on the day that he heard them. 15 But if he does make them void after he has heard them, then he shall bear her guilt.”
16 These are the statutes which the LORD commanded Moses, between a man and his wife, and between a father and his daughter in her youth in her father’s house.


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Christiaan

 2008/4/9 16:44Profile





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