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Discussion Forum : General Topics : marriage/singleness ?

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firstfruit
Member



Joined: 2007/4/30
Posts: 7


 marriage/singleness ?

Is it possible to have a discussion about Christians who are single, and content as singles? But feeling left out when it comes to Christian fellowship.
My experience within churches is that the ideal is to be a married Christian couple.
Just as the Pope in the Vatican is on the top tier in the Catholic church; so it seems among various Protestant/non-denomenational churches have a hierarchy of 'the Married/family' in first place. Older, widowed believers next; children; young unmarried people, etc.. divorced believers and so on.
I have never married (my own choice) never having felt led to; or meeting the 'right one'.
As a middle age woman I am beginning to feel very much out of place. I can understand now why so few unmarried Christian men attend church. I am quite comfortable in my singleness but sometimes feel pressure from other belivers that its not 'normal' or that I should seek a husband.
Have any of you other single brothers and sisters gone thru this too? How are you dealing with this attitude?
I would love to hear about your experiences also.
:-D


_________________
Kathy

 2008/3/10 16:42Profile
paula4jc
Member



Joined: 2005/1/8
Posts: 132


 Re: marriage/singleness ?

I don't believe I have ever met a single person who are contented with being single. If you're at peace rejoice greatly. I agree that the churches appears to be more couples driven, which is clearly misinterpretation of scriptures or perhaps as Christians we tend to be more carnal and selfish.


_________________
Paula

 2008/3/10 17:16Profile
Miccah
Member



Joined: 2007/9/13
Posts: 1752
Wisconsin

 Re:

This is a great debate that will more then likely not be solved here.

Denny Kenaston's sermon "Motherhood-The Highest place of Honor" is a great sermon to listen to in regards to the Proverb 31 woman.

That being said...

[u][b]1 Corinthians 7 (NKJV)[/b][/u]

[b]Principles of Marriage[/b]

1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment. 7 For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.
8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

[b]Keep Your Marriage Vows[/b]

10 Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.
12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace. 16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

[b]Live as You Are Called[/b]

17 But as God has distributed to each one, as the Lord has called each one, so let him walk. And so I ordain in all the churches. 18 Was anyone called while circumcised? Let him not become uncircumcised. Was anyone called while uncircumcised? Let him not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing, but keeping the commandments of God is what matters. 20 Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called. 21 Were you called while a slave? Do not be concerned about it; but if you can be made free, rather use it. 22 For he who is called in the Lord while a slave is the Lord’s freedman. Likewise he who is called while free is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men. 24 Brethren, let each one remain with God in that state in which he was called.

[b]To the Unmarried and Widows[/b]

25 Now concerning virgins: I have no commandment from the Lord; yet I give judgment as one whom the Lord in His mercy has made trustworthy. 26 I suppose therefore that this is good because of the present distress—that it is good for a man to remain as he is: 27 Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. 28 But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you.
29 But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none, 30 those who weep as though they did not weep, those who rejoice as though they did not rejoice, those who buy as though they did not possess, 31 and those who use this world as not misusing it. For the form of this world is passing away.
32 But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. 34 There is[a] a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.
36 But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry. 37 Nevertheless he who stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so determined in his heart that he will keep his virgin,[b] does well. 38 So then he who gives her[c] in marriage does well, but he who does not give her in marriage does better.
39 A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. 40 But she is happier if she remains as she is, according to my judgment—and I think I also have the Spirit of God.


What does scripture say?


_________________
Christiaan

 2008/3/10 17:49Profile









 Re: marriage/singleness ?

Quote:

firstfruit wrote:
Is it possible to have a discussion about Christians who are single, and content as singles? But feeling left out when it comes to Christian fellowship.
My experience within churches is that the ideal is to be a married Christian couple.
Just as the Pope in the Vatican is on the top tier in the Catholic church; so it seems among various Protestant/non-denomenational churches have a hierarchy of 'the Married/family' in first place. Older, widowed believers next; children; young unmarried people, etc.. divorced believers and so on.
I have never married (my own choice) never having felt led to; or meeting the 'right one'.
As a middle age woman I am beginning to feel very much out of place. I can understand now why so few unmarried Christian men attend church. I am quite comfortable in my singleness but sometimes feel pressure from other belivers that its not 'normal' or that I should seek a husband.
Have any of you other single brothers and sisters gone thru this too? How are you dealing with this attitude?
I would love to hear about your experiences also.
:-D



Here is a good sermon by Pastor Neil Rhodes, of Times Square Church. I thought it was pretty well balanced.

[url=http://www.tscnyc.org/sermons.php?filter=y&media_type=WMV]"Is It Better To Be Married Or Single?"[/url]

You'll have to scroll down to Neil Rhodes and select audio. I haven't been able to find a direct url. :-)

It will be the sixth one down.


 2008/3/10 18:26
deltadom
Member



Joined: 2005/1/6
Posts: 2359
Hemel Hempstead

 Re:

Recently I heard that school kids are going to be taught that cohabiting is fine and homosexuality is fine. They are going to be given a question in which they answer yes or no.
This is what is happening in our country, so someone or someone has got to stand up for relationships in this country.

I personally Struggle with MArriage and Singleness

Derick Prince talks about how the Lord provided him with a vision of his wife in Israel and how he met up with her. I know god can do this! but my life has never been like that.
It is like all the rules are suddenly broken and so am I. I sometimes think who could survive living with me for the next 50 or more years of my life!
How can I forgive my Mum and Dad and use the bible and the princples to make my life easier! As Jesus loves us , his words of love help us to decide.

Sometimes there is a natural tendacy to go a be a monk even thou being a roman catholic is against my theology and against my christian faith and I like reading my bible alone and praying yet the Holy Spirit and the Word of God and everything I read seems to go against me.

A Truly Biblical Marriage would be like the trinity, three yet one. The reason I say three! is because god is always involved. When I think of meeting god I always think of the trinity it has destroyed my concept of being a recluse.

I am scottish , or one half of me is and the tendency to live single up in the highlands in the middle of nowhere seems appealing! but Marriage is dying to the flesh!
Jesus died for us , he gave all for us. SO in marriage we are giving all for our spose.
In derek Princes book he talks about the Marriage Covanent and it is a heavy book and I would be rather dead than break covanent!

Someone once said that girls only have a certain amount of time to produce babies. I always remember a sermon in which he said that do not let our church get so sterile in which we cannot produce a revivial.
She basically said it is selfish for a guy to stay alone. It took me almost 15 years to get baptised in water, not because it was not biblical.
It was because I was stubborn!
I sometimes ask God how do I love? I cannot even love myself? What is love? How on earth am I going to cope with looking after someone if I cannot even look after myself?
How on earth do I know my partner will be faithful?
I wrestle with God on this subject! It causes me pain!
What I want is christians who allready have marriages to show their love, to not have the ball and chain mentality!
As if they are degrading marriage they are degrading the Almighty one himself who paid for us with his blood so that we may become his bride!
So having a bad view or relationship is almost portraying a bad image of god.

The devil wants to destroy marriage as we see above. He wants to destroy full stop! Because Marriage is a direct image of the Godhead.
I believe in being single until marriage and no sexual fornication inbetween as I heard that in Cu's in the country that alot of christians have broken that.

I have no answers, I have personally more questions than answers?

This has been like a fight with GOd when Jacob turned his name to Israel!

This is heartfelt so people can correct me on my theology and anything else!!


_________________
Dominic Shiells

 2008/3/10 23:11Profile









 Re:

I dont think that it's churches being insensitive to single adults. Lets be realistic, most adults are not single. So naturally thats the way it's going to go.

Many churches do have singles groups and whatnot, but from what I have seen... these singles groups are sometimes nothing more than a dating service.

I think there has to be a balance, but if the Lord has called someone to be single I have to believe there is a reason. And according to Paul it seems the reason is so that that person can do more for the Kingdom of God than a married person because a married person has other concerns... feeding and providing for a family.

But a single person isnt obligated to all that, and are free to do many many things in service to the Lord.

Krispy

 2008/3/11 7:51





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