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Joined: 2008/2/6
Posts: 4

 Woman: Submit?Respect? & Man hurtfull Sarcasm`name calling & belittling is ok?

Im in desperate need of Godly counsil. Ive nowhere else to turn. We Connected, becomming best friends, Sharing a love For the Word of God. Weve Seen one another thru health scares, and personal chrisis. We fought side by side in Spiritual Warefare.Him:raised holiness With bold authority. and Me? Heard 1rst holiness sermon 4 days ago. The stress hes encountered over the last year has changed him dramatically. he interacts with a lot of people and will go the extra mile for everyone with patience and extreme care not to offend. Everyone except me that is.... With Me, No Patience, easily irritated,And becomes criticle, and hurtfull.Im called names and cursed at, ive even been compared to an athiest whom he had no problem being kind to. Im Offended , Broken and not allowed to bring it up, He becomes irrate, hangs up on me, and texts somthing like a man of God...hes not to permit me to bring him strife, and when im ready to apoligize, hell talk to me, wich then of course i do to have peace, and wait for the next lambasting... What do I do? He says the woman is suppose to respect,and not ussurp athority! I know theres no good thing in me.... but good grief if this guy continues on this way im gonna be so beat down and unable to glorify God. please. im desperate.... If anyone out there has any Godly council (lining up with the word of God) I beg you... share it with me. i recently moved and i dont have a church yet, and I have no friends here as yet.

 2008/2/6 20:02Profile

Joined: 2003/10/30
Posts: 1554

 Re: Woman: Submit?Respect? & Man hurtfull Sarcasm`name calling & belittling is ok?

Check these with an open heart, you will find very good counsel there:

[b]Practical Principles For a Godly Marriage[/b]

[b]Don't Let Go Of Them![/b]

 2008/2/6 20:19Profile

 Re: Woman: Submit?Respect? & Man hurtfull Sarcasm`name calling & belittling is ok?


My heart goes out to you, and I promise to keep you in my prayers.

I know what it is to be abused, not only growing up, but also in an abusive marriage.

We met in HS....and married College Graduation day. Graduated that morning, and married that evening.

I thought I was saved, religious maybe, and so was he...until I really got saved, and then found out he was an athiest. He did everything he could to try and make me "give it up. I never preached at him or anything, but when Jesus took up residence in my life...WOW, I thought satan had moved into his.....literally.

He started bringing home x rated movies and -asking teh kids...then 7-9 to watch with him...just to get a rise out of me and see what I would do. Then on a camping trip with 8 other couples, he took out his guitar and began mocking me( he told all his friends...these were all his friends...I was a religious crazy!!) and in the most disrespectful and horrible way sang " The Old rugged Cross"....Now, these people were not christians...but they were appauled. One guy..(I'll call Bill), came over to find me...( I'd walked away) and actually apologized for my husbands behavior and said there was nothing wrong with being a Christian. This person went out of his way the rest of the camping trip to be friends. I learned a few years ago, he now is a Christian. He's not the first of these old friends of my now x husband to become a Christian, and witness to him.

I tell you, i don't think anyone has been witnessed to more then my x.

He use to come home from business trips and say" I can't believe it ...every where i go, a restaurant, on the plane...someone asks to sit next to me...and I say sure....and then they start witnessing.....

I would always giggle inside...Thank you Lord.

That's just a little insite...I won't give you night mares with the rest, but through these horrible years...I GREW spiritually.

Like you, all of a sudden I couldn't do anything right. It was a constant beating down, making fun of, being the butt of his jokes, even trying to turn the children against me....and I just gave it all to teh Lord...because it was literally bigger then I was.

I also learned in this that the Lord assured me that wives are NOT given to men to abuse. That is not God's plan and purpose.

But the strenght I found I was gaining was not my own strength...because I literally had no strength or will of my own to begin with.

I also learned people who abuse others don't like themselves...and that is the heart of the whole's not YOU, it's something gone wrong in them.

He remarried...(I never have, and don't want to), but ended up marrying someone JUST LIKE HIM.....OH!!!!!!!!

He's miserable, and has been for years.

But something very interesting happened this past week. We took so many home movies of the kids from birth on, and he recently found these and had them put on a CD. Something snapped in him, and while looking at these old movies in our younger happy years....cried like a baby. He made copies for me. Then he called me, and he was just like he was when I knew him in HS. We had a nice long talk, and I wondered....because I've never stopped praying for him, am I going to see something yet to come...his salvation? I do pray so.

All those years are not a waste, not one moment.

Have I said things I regret...Oh Yes. Actually when we got home from our camping trip, I beat him up for his blasphemy.... He just laughed!

Only the Lord can lead you to what you need to do.

I would never advise anyone to stay in a physically dangerous relationship. I know some teach to stay with the guy even if it kills you, and I think after OJ many who preached that one don't today.

Advice is cheap, because anyone can give it, and it doesn't cost a thing.

So, Just to let you know, because I shared with you some of my life, that one who's been there can have a better understanding then someone who hasn't and thinks they have all the answers. No one does, because every situation is so uniquely different.

Many women have been soooooo discouraged just by being told to be a good little *1st Peter chapter 3 wife* and it will all turn out ok. It takes OBEDIENCE from both ends for that to work, and God is also speaking to Husbands there as well.

Actually, it is ***in our suffering*** that God IS Glorified. But He does promise not to put more on you then you can bare....and Paul said, when I am weak...then I am strong.

Another thing too.....forgivness is what brings Glory to God, and what is conforming us to His when we are offended, and abused, and forgive....they don't know what to do with it...but that kind of Love and Forgivness can only come throught the power of the Holy Spirit through you. This I do believe is what you should be seeking from God, His life in you, loving an unlovable!

Hope I didn't bore you!

With Love sincerely, PM me if you would like and we can share if you would like.


 2008/2/6 20:49

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7472

 Re: Woman: Submit?Respect? & Man hurtfull Sarcasm`name calling & belittling is ok?

Are you married to this fellow?


Sandra Miller

 2008/2/6 21:24Profile

Joined: 2008/2/6
Posts: 4


Not Married. we were actually closer than married. sharing a connection and decerning one another correctly always on the same page. Im Heartbroken Because I AM Loosing my best friend. For instance we just tried to listen to a sermon together.... he made it about 30 min, before becomming criticle and hanging up. Because i made a comment during the preachingm and distracted him. Getting mad and hanging up. But at least this time I was spared the verbal attack,, making it easy 4 me to get back to the preaching peacably. im so greatfull for this Site and forum... I dont feel so alone with this now. its not as scary thankyou for the lifelines thrown to me and "YES" OH Praise God... Godly counsil!!!

 2008/2/6 23:17Profile

Joined: 2005/1/6
Posts: 1817
Hemel Hempstead


I would not take it,I lived in a house where a girl was being in nasty to me all the time but I learnt to love her. jesus gave me the strength.
Noone should live like that

Dominic Shiells

 2008/2/7 0:03Profile

Joined: 2008/2/6
Posts: 4

 Re: downloaded sermons

Thankyou. Yes. I`ll go listen to them now. I only just discovered holiness preaching download like 4 days ago! Im Lovin them.

 2008/2/7 0:50Profile

Joined: 2008/2/6
Posts: 4


Thankyou Miss Katydid. thankyou for investing time in me and allowing me to become encouraged by your words. Good Scripture too My friend. Thankytou! Yea. Im Making friends!

 2008/2/7 1:15Profile

Joined: 2006/2/4
Posts: 352
Fort Frances, Ontario

 Re: Woman: Submit?Respect? & Man hurtfull Sarcasm`name calling & belittling is ok?


This man sounds like a hypocrite to me. Doing things to be seen by men. Patient to everyone except you. A true man of God is patient with everyone including you. Find a Godly man who is the same in private as he is in public.

Read Matthew 23 in its entirety. Here is one sentence from that chapter - "on the outside you appear to people as righteous, but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness."

Another scripture to keep in mind about the way a man speaks is from James 1. "If anyone considers himself religious and does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless."


Murray Beninger

 2008/2/7 6:58Profile


Not Married. we were actually closer than married.

My heart goes out to you, sister. I know this can be very distressing.

First off, you have never been "actually closer than married". Since you have not been married you can not possibly compare it to this relationship.

Since you're not married, let me ask you this... do you honestly think things will be better once you are married to this guy? (This is where you say "No")

I'm known around here for being very blunt, so if I come across that way to you it's only because I am concerned and you need to hear truth, not fluff.

My advise to you is RUN, dont walk, away from this relationship. He calls himself a man of God, yet he is abusive? How is that consistant with being a man of God? No, he is a hypocrite.

He cusses at you? I used to cuss like a Marine (cuz I was one)... and now I dont even cuss a dog, not to mention my sweet wife.

His interpretation of submission is completely unscriptural. My wife submits to me, and I submit to her... we submit "one to another". There are many areas in my life where my wife is my "compliment". She is better at some things than I am, and I her. We complete each other. I do take the spiritual lead in our house, but I would never abuse her like she was my slave or something... she's not. And if I ever did, she would let me know she's not... as would her brothers and her dad!

No, what this guy your seeing needs is what we call here in North Carolina... a good ol' fashion butt whoopin'.

It wont get better by marrying this guy, honey. It will only get worse. And if he is emotionally and verbally abusive to you now... there is a very high risk that once you're married it would become physically abusive as well.

And what about any children that you might have with him after your married? Do you want your children treated the way you're being treated right now?

I know it's gonna be hard, and I know it's gonna hurt a lot... but you have [b]got to let him go[/b]. It would be foolish of you not to.

There is someone out there who is a true man of God that will treat you as Christ treats His bride... the church. He gave all. He died for her. And this man will make you feel like a queen, and encourage you and not put you down.

If you want to compare this relationship your in with scripture... read 1 Corinthians 13 and ask yourself if this man really loves you. I can tell you right now, according to God's definition of love... it's not even close.

Please, I beg you... break this thing off right now today, and let it go. Dont even try to make things better because men like this will lie lie lie to make you think things are better, but you'll find out in time... it aint.


 2008/2/7 8:21

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