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 Re:

How's the journey, brother?

 2008/1/21 22:38
SimpleLiving
Member



Joined: 2008/1/11
Posts: 375
Minnesota, USA

 Re:

Quote:
by Roniya on 2008/1/21 21:38:06

How's the journey, brother?



Thank you for asking, sister! I'm so eager to talk about it but I have posted so much already that I'm afraid of being a nuisance.

I feel very strange. Like the person who I was in the past is gone. I [i]feel[/i] new. Like I just woke up from a horrible dream or, at least, a long nap!

I feel like time is now speeding by so quickly. Too quickly. I can't get enough of the Word. Like I said before, I just want to chew it and swallow it and get fat on it, making it a part of me.

I'm listening/watching about six sermons a day here and on Sermon Audio. Paul Washer, Keith Daniel, Leonard Ravenhill, A.W. Tozer, and many of the "saints of old." What life was I living before? How could I not have known of these men 20 years ago?

My desires have changed, my tastes have changed, my thoughts have changed, my relationships have changed... even my relationship with sin has changed! I get so angry with sin! There's a hatred that burns in me for it! I never thought sin was a good thing, but to be so passionate about it that it burns with hatred is new.

I weep. A lot. My sins. Society today. The state of the church. Christian persecution. My own comfort. Missionaries. I weep for them all. Mixed in with those tears are tears of joy! I weep in praise to Him. I weep in Worship. I weep over a brother or sister's victory. I weep for sheer joy.

Going to work is foreign to me now. It feels complacent. How can things just continue as they are when so many people are going to hell? How can things just stroll along as if Jesus' return wasn't around the corner? The work itself seems so meaningless. But, I know the people are not.

The day before I found my first Paul Washer teaching (which is what led me down this road of Truth), I wanted nothing more than to move to the mountains of Montana, build a log cabin in the middle of nowhere and make a living from my writing. No more cities, no more technology, no more crowds and noise. And now, I don't care what happens to me. I want my life to be completely spent when its over. I want to complete the call God's placed on my life. I don't care where He leads me to live or what He leads me to do because I know that He will be there and give me the grace and the strength to complete the task. I trust His timing.

I've started going to a church again after eight years of mistrust, abuse and deception. It's a whole new experience. I see people differently now.

This has been a lot to go through in just 10 short days! Can you see why it feels like time is speeding up for me? :-? This is so much to happen in such a short time! My head is spinning. But, I finally have peace.


_________________
Keith

 2008/1/22 0:29Profile









 Re:

Quote:
SimpleLiving wrote:
...I don't want to get so involved in it that it becomes an idol in my life, replacing time spent reading the Word for myself and being in actual fellowship with the Father, instead of just hearing about Him from a teacher.



This is wisdom Brother. When He Himself can speak to you with His Own Voice. Very Good!

 2008/1/22 1:31
SimpleLiving
Member



Joined: 2008/1/11
Posts: 375
Minnesota, USA

 Re:

Quote:
by HE_Reigns on 2008/1/22 0:31:35

Quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SimpleLiving wrote:
...I don't want to get so involved in it that it becomes an idol in my life, replacing time spent reading the Word for myself and being in actual fellowship with the Father, instead of just hearing about Him from a teacher.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


This is wisdom Brother. When He Himself can speak to you with His Own Voice. Very Good!



Thank you for the encouragement, Sister. I want to say some things and I hope people will know that they come from my heart and not out of any false sense of humility, pride or anything else.

I have such a hunger for the Word right now that the only "distraction" to me is being on this site and listening to sermons. I'm working on balance, but, because I'm so new to this, I can't seem to get enough of these marvelous preachers!

But, I'm weak and scared. I've come to fully realize that I can't do anything without Him. I [i]know[/i] this. But I'm having a very difficult time forming new habits. I'm still automatically doing things the way I used to do them without stopping and asking for His help. I don't want to do that!

When I'm praying or reading the Word, my flesh wants to hop on this site and listen to a sermon because I seem to learn more quickly here. When I'm reading the Word, which I do enjoy, I'm afraid the old Word of Faith information will kick in again and I'll continue being deceived. (That's why I prefer the sermons here.) How do I rid my brain of years of that teaching, knowing what to keep and what to toss? It's not easy. It's ingrained in me.

I'm also having a hard time praying. Frankly, praying scares me because I don't want to be disrespectful. I'm afraid I'll approach Him incorrectly, without the honor and respect He deserves. But I also don't want to get legalistic.

I'm scared to just be me. He's [i]so[/i] holy and I'm the farthest thing from being holy. I don't know anyone who deserves His forgiveness less than I do. I just can't comprehend that kind of love being available for me. I came from an abusive home and don't ever remember hearing "I love you." I know He loves me but I don't know how to talk to Him. Have I confessed everything? Am I missing anything? etc., I just want to be made more like Jesus. I'm scared of my prayers becoming "me" centered.

I've been listening to as many sermons on the Word and prayer as I can find but eventually, it comes down to me and just doing it. This is very difficult for me because I'm not worthy to even think about Him, much less approach Him. I'm NOT trying to be humble or fake by saying this. This is a huge obstacle for me to overcome! I feel like I'm taking up His time.

The funny thing is, I know better. I know He loves me more than I'll ever comprehend and that I've been made righteous in His eyes. I know He wants nothing more than to spend as much time with me as I'll give Him. I know He wants to lavish me with His love, comfort and even His gifts. I believe this is true, but it's just head knowledge right now and not heart knowledge. I just don't know how to accept this mercy. It's undeserved and it hurts me unbearably to know that I've ever hurt such a holy and loving God! That if I ever comprehend the scope of my wretchedness that I'll break down and never recover from the hell of it.

I know what I need to do. I really do. It's a matter of my overcoming the fear and just doing it. To trust Him as I know He's worthy to be trusted and believed. Why is this so difficult for me? It doesn't make any sense!

If anyone is so inclined, please pray for me. I value prayers more than riches. Forgive me for my long posts. I don't intend to be long-winded.


_________________
Keith

 2008/1/22 13:30Profile









 Re:

Quote:

SimpleLiving wrote:
If anyone is so inclined, please pray for me. I value prayers more than riches. Forgive me for my long posts. I don't intend to be long-winded.



You have my prayers, brother. And don't worry about long posts or being afraid of sharing about your journey. It is [i]exciting[/i] to hear what GOD is doing in your life! It's more than exciting, it's [i]awesome[/i]! The mighty workings of God in the lives of human beings always leaves me in awe of His mighty power and tender love for a race that is so desperately needy and unworthy of His love. Oh, hallelujah!

[i]"For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are [b]the sons of God.[/b]
15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but [b]ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.[/b]
16 The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
17 ¶ And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint–heirs with Christ; if so be that we suffer with him, that we may be also glorified together." Romans 8
[/i]
What an amazing privilege to call this holy and mighty God, Father!

Brother, there is a young preacher who has a few messages here on SI that has exhibited the most child-like trust in His heavenly Father both in his preaching, praying and life. The one thing I so appreciate about Roy Daniel (son of Keith Daniel) is the confidence He has in his heavenly Father. I know you are probably swamped with all these wonderful sermon recommendations but you might want to slip one of [url=http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/viewcat.php?cid=367]Roy's sermons[/url] in there. His message on faith is really good, and the one on prayer is...it's Roy. And his series on spiritual growth are excellent.

But of course, don't neglect the Word of God for the words of men. ;-)

 2008/1/22 15:56
SimpleLiving
Member



Joined: 2008/1/11
Posts: 375
Minnesota, USA

 Re:

Quote:
What an amazing privilege to call this holy and mighty God, Father!



Amen! Amen! Amen! He is holy!

I'm grateful to be able to share how my life is being so transformed. I've experienced so much that it's difficult to not shout it from the housetops! I want to make sure that I share it here, rather than in the forums. This way, only those who are really interested will read it, instead of subjecting everyone else to it. Maybe others who find themselves in my position can glean some hope from it. To God be the glory!

When I posted my prayer request, God was answering my prayers already and I didn't even know it. I love when He does that! I have such confidence now, knowing that He knows my needs before I present them. That’s an amazing comfort!

The Holy Spirit showed me what the Father was working out of me. I came from an abusive family background where I needed to perform to be accepted. I came from the abusive Word of Faith background where people are expected to perform in order to be accepted. I had [i]absolutely no clue[/i] that I had become a performance-motivated individual. It makes sense because I'm that way at work, too. It was [i]so[/i] ingrained in me that I didn't question it. It’s all I knew. Without realizing it, I thought that, to be loved, I thought I had to earn it and work for it. This never registered with me before. I thought I had accepted God's love by faith, but I was deceived! No wonder I never had any peace or rest!

The things I posted in my [url=http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?viewmode=flat&order=0&topic_id=21892&forum=44&post_id=&refresh=Go]prayer request[/url] were sincere and came from my heart. It wasn't a show. I was wrestling with God. At that moment, the only thing I knew was that I had to drop everything and seek Him only. No internet, no nothing. (Frankly, I didn't even answer my phone.) I know, now, what it means to seek Him like a desperate, starving man; to require Him as vital.

In this time, unbeknownst to me, I was being tranformed in my mind and habits. I still am (and always will be). He let me know that this is how He wants to keep me - desperately seeking and requiring Him as vital.

A wonderful side-effect that this purging had/has includes my own desires. It's almost as if anything I ever wanted for myself before seems so low a thing to aim for. I was very careful of what movies I watched. But now, I don't have any desire for movies whatsoever. I'm not being legalistic. I know watching a decent movie is not an evil thing. But my desire to do this [i]really has[/i] changed! I don't seek to be entertained in any way anymore.

Once I [i]experienced[/i] His love, and it went from head knowledge down into my heart, it changed me. No more anxiety or restlessness. Just peace and an eagerness for more of Him.



Now, [i]please[/i] don't misunderstand me. I'm not trying to boast or be "super-Christian." Frankly, I'd like for the "me" in all of this to disappear completely so its only God that's seen! This is all God and God [i]alone.[/i] I'm fully aware that this desire is planted in me by Him and I can't help but respond. On my own, I couldn't have the desire or endurance to do anything of this. I say all of this to say how utterly happy and joyful I am! What an Awesome and Merciful God we serve! I don't want to live any other way! I [i]need[/i] to put this much time into His Word just to make it through a single day! Everything else seems so trivial compared to being transformed into the image of Christ and living wholly (and holy) for Him.

So, I’m just going to rest in, obey, and trust in Him. This is where I’m at right now and this is enough. He's enough. I’ll continue as I am until directed otherwise. I don’t have to [i]do[/i] anything! Just be. Be His child and accept Him at His Word. What a gift! What a burden to be freed from! It must be somewhat like what a slave would feel like if someone told him his freedom has been purchased from an evil master. He would be free to leave and do whatever he wanted to, but freely chooses to follow the one who freed him and serve him with joy.

I think this is part of the problem with Christians today. We’ve forgotten exactly who this God we serve is and what He is able to do. Also, who we [i]truly[/i] are in Him – because of Him – and what promises and resources He makes available to us if we’ll only believe and obey Him. Utterly remarkable!


_________________
Keith

 2008/1/31 18:33Profile









 Re: New guy in MN



Hi Keith,

It took me a while to notice your absence, but I'm missing you now - :-?

So.... if you're reading this, could you drop me a line please, at my email? I don't mean to ask for details you can't give, but, if there is something to pray for, or rejoice with you over, it would be encouraging to share in it with you.

Please know you became part of what goes on here, and whatever God is doing in you also has an impact on us - as vice versa. I hope you still laying hold of the faithfulness of God. May He get all the glory.

God bless you abundantly.





 2008/4/7 13:40
Nellie
Member



Joined: 2004/4/5
Posts: 952


 Re:

This is a wonderful, encouraging Testimony.
Thank-you Keith, for sharing what God is doing for and in you.
May He bless you abundantly.
We all need to be encouraged.
Jesus is our ever present Help.
Nellie

 2008/4/7 14:09Profile
SimpleLiving
Member



Joined: 2008/1/11
Posts: 375
Minnesota, USA

 Re: New guy in MN

Great mercies, has it really been three years?

I don't know if anyone will remember me after all this time. I decided to post here, in my old "Welcome" thread, after reading it again as one might re-read an old journal. It feels like ages ago, when the world was a different place. When I was different.

I just wanted to re-introduce myself again. I'll post more about my absence, and my return, another time. Right now, it's time for bed. I had no intention to post this evening but had a strong urge to before I signed off.

God's blessings to the family.
Much love,
Keith


_________________
Keith

 2011/6/30 23:31Profile
HeartSong
Member



Joined: 2006/9/13
Posts: 3156


 Re:

KEITH!

Welcome back brother! I was thinking of you not long ago, and now your "New guy in MN" appeared out of no where. I am looking forward to hearing about your journey.

Oh happy day!

 2011/7/1 1:13Profile





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