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Discussion Forum : General Topics : leaveing, for now.

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Joined: 2007/1/31
Posts: 985

 leaveing, for now.

My dear family in Christ, I bring a struggle and a battle I've been in for now a month. For the last two weeks, I struggled with the thoughts to leave SI. I don't want my base of leaving to be out flesh and matter of me. So I've taken a moment to pray and seek the Lord, what I am to do. What I to speak. Or more so why do I speak? Why I am here on SI? What do I offer? Or can I offer? I am governed by what people think? Do I leave based on others, or do I listen to the Lord. The matters that are unsettled leaving a heart restless? I found these questions weighing on my heart. My reason to post to speak to offer nothing of self but Christ through me. I am not to please man, but God. I speak what guide by the spirit not what comes from my ideas, Of course I made error I am sure in many ways. I bring this before you all that I might gain your prayers in these matters I could stay, or leave neither way, I want to lead and guided by Christ.

I know that my walk with Christ is most important, so stepping away would give time to get back my roots of seeking Christ. There are many things in life that can take our time and even be a idol of our lives. I don’t want SI to be that, but in many ways in this last month it seems I have wasted much time there. God is calling to be discipline and on guard with all my time. I know that God is calling to obey and pray and seek Him. I have struggle with the fact I could to do both, but for a season God is saying no. The matter of fallow ground in my heart, there is braking in my life, sin that has taken birth and has put me in a pit, and so by Gods grace, I must repent and turn and change my ways. Which mean changing how I do things and how I use my time. God is calling to discipline for the sake of my prayers. So that matter of leaving would to be know my God more. And just do what I called to do. I want to live out the words I speak of.

Yet there are few another reasons, I ask for your prayers in. My health is one, that I will have the grace to do as God calls, for the sake of prayers. That I will remain in joy in is time limitations. And all the matters of Ohio and others will be settled in my heart. That the light of Christ will expose everything in my heart and others. I will hear the voice of God. That all the things God taught me in Ohio and here, I would be able to understand and write as he leads and guides me. That it is time will be all about falling in love with My king My God all over again. I will bring everything before him and with Him and learn what and how to do things. I will again have vison, passion. I know I will need your prayers, I thank you now. These things in regards to my health, in discipline will take a lot of me. Pray I will be restored, still haven’t gotten back to health yet. I am sure when God will have be back, until I will be praying for you all. As I hope you will pray for me. I would love to pray for anyone just email, I would love to hear from you.
You can get my email from my account.

Blessing as the lord leads I will be gone, until the lord lead. Please do pray me.

In His Love


 2007/11/20 21:36Profile

Joined: 2007/1/31
Posts: 985

 Re: leaveing, for now.

This for those who want to read a little more.

Here are a few good reasons I would leave.
MY Walk With Christ...
A great hunger and deeper passion to know God more, two days ago God put on my heart a greater desire to be focused and disciplined to run as I had before. That it was time to come out of this pit I have brought my self into this last year. This would take my time my whole devotion. One focus, to have eyes fixed on Christ in these matters. I have dug my self deep in some habits, and to live out these goals, I would have to be very careful with my time. Although I couldn't check in and post when God had put something on my heart. But I think it would be the matter, of one focus. In the area of my life God has been showing me these verses.

[i]"Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is the time to seek the LORD, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you."Hosea
Jer 4 "If you return, O Israel, declares the LORD, to me you should return. If you remove your detestable things from my presence, and do not waver, and if you swear, 'As the LORD lives,' in truth, in justice, and in righteousness, then nations shall bless themselves in him, and in him shall they glory. For thus says the LORD to the men of Judah and Jerusalem: "Break up your fallow ground, and sow not among thorns Circumcise yourselves to the LORD; remove the foreskin of your hearts, O men of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem; lest my wrath go forth like fire, and burn with none to quench it, because of the evil of your deeds.[/i]

Fallow ground in my heart is the overgrown sins, that I can't see. But God say to brake it up, until it is broken. This what I feel God speaking to me, There are areas in my heart that is fallow and needs braking, But I have to get to the roots of my sins. And in that I need Christ to expose me, in the light the word and Holy Spirit.

In examine my self, by sitting and waiting and listening to God, But without a broken heart and the ridding of all the weeds it impossible for the seeds of truth to ever take root in my heart, or something to go deep. So in the matter of prayer. I need to brake the ground of my heart, or I need Gods grace to brake me. I don't want to come and speak and post, unless I have spent time before God in confession over my own heart. I am not saying that God can't use me if I haven't repented of all sins. Indeed he has used me, whenever he chooses, It all his grace in the matter that able us to anything. But I do feel God wanting me go and seek him in and to change my ways in some things. To plow until the hard areas are broken.

One thing that God has been putting heavy on my heart is about living a life that is Holy, I hear so much of how to be holy and yet, I see few who truly understanding it. As my pastor says, you saw you know it, yet you don't have it in your heart. Then you don't got it.
So I think in the manner in Holiness, there are matters of this that I feel uneasy and unsettled. I am still pray and going back and forth. What is the base of truth? When to be still and when to speak on the manner of Holiness. I think I have much still to learn. As sermons and Pastor I say I know little, all I know what I read in the Bible and what God has spoken to my heart. It seems to press harder and harder, it is like my bones burn with things to say yet, never knowing what or how to say a word. I know that lack of prayer and my own sin, has kept me from what God is calling of me. This way I find it seeking and doing what I have so often beg others to do, is only right if I live the very way, I pray and speak about. To live to seek to know God more, then after much time in quite place God can again God can fire my heart. And words will be from him, used through me. But part from him my words are only in vain. So what about being Holy?

[i]"Speak to all the congregation of the people of Israel and say to them, You shall be holy, for I the LORD your God am holy.Lev 19
Consecrate yourselves, therefore, and be holy, for I am the LORD your God. Lev 20:7
You shall be holy to me, for I the LORD am holy and have separated you from the peoples, that you should be mine. Lev 20:26
They shall be holy to their God and not profane the name of their God. For they offer the LORD's food offerings, the bread of their God; therefore they shall be holy. Lev 21:6
You shall sanctify him, for he offers the bread of your God. He shall be holy to you, for I, the LORD, who sanctify you, am holy.
Lev 21:8

"Speak to Aaron and his sons so that they abstain from the holy things of the people of Israel, which they dedicate to me, so that they do not profane my holy name: I am the LORD. Lev 22:2

"For you are a people holy to the LORD your God. The LORD your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth. It was not because you were more in number than any other people that the LORD set his love on you and chose you, for you were the fewest of all peoples, but it is because the LORD loves you and is keeping the oath that he swore to your fathers, that the LORD has brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt. Deut 7:6-8[/i]

How can I say I desire to be holy and hate sin, and yet do nothing different to rid the sin that is known in my life, there must be action. How can I keep doing as I have always done? It is time for change, something new. I can say I hate sin, and day after day do the same sin over and over, and say I hate it. I must say I am going at war. I war against all my sins until the day I die. How passionate to hate sin, and to see as God see it? I know fully that I am not caught in guilt I am free, Christ already freed my sins. So I long to be slave to righteousness.. and not sin. It is time to be separated from the world and all the things it does and enjoys, I am not of the world but Gods. His ways and the things he has given me for my enjoyment.

To Love God - Is another reason to go and be with God, That God would be the only one I would want to hear and be with. That he would renew my cold heart. That again being with him I would be swept away again like a young bride, I would be filled with fire for a passionate love God. I want God to take my life to be fully devoted and passionately in love with Christ. But more, I want to get a sight of How Christ loved and loves me. How he see me, that I would hear the songs that was made for me. I would hear the love of Christ and it would make my heart melt. The cross would become so huge so beautiful. I draw near to the place of Christ heart and I would hear the pounding heart beats that beat for me. I would know and see the Love Christ that was shown for me on the Cross. I desire just one sight of Gods love for me each day. Let it be I would fall in amazement and overwhelmed unable to move or talk to such awe of this great joy, it would be my heart would to overwhelmed with such love. Indeed this my greatest desire, for is not how much I can love, but that he loved me, although I live to love with all, all because he loved me first. I want to be able to speak of a love that would be fresh and real. Not that God isn't real and so amazing now. Indeed my heart pounding to know Him more. I guess that's why I moved with a great desire, to leave all to seek Him alone, maybe because I am starting to just see how great this treasure God is above all other things. Although I can foresee hindering factor of life coming to take my time and many things. I guess that's that daily battle, to always keep ever before us.

[i]"You shall therefore love the LORD your God and keep his charge, his statutes, his rules, and his commandments always."And if you will indeed obey my commandments that I command you today, to love the LORD your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, Deut 11:8

For if you will be careful to do all this commandment that I command you to do, loving the LORD your God, walking in all his ways, and holding fast to him, Deut 11:22
you shall not listen to the words of that prophet or that dreamer of dreams. For the LORD your God is testing you, to know whether you love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul. Deut 13:3[/i]

In great distress is what I felt over matters, of revival and holiness. On matters, of heart with my own life. That which God has put on my heart in fact would be given back to Him for His glory. I think about my health. I am much need of doing and being discipline in manner of health. And if God healed I want to use my health for his Glory. A other great distress of my heart is Holiness of God's children, So much I finding myself in weeping. I feel like Hannah, that Lord, let your people live as Holy people that they in the end give their lives to you. Dead to self and give fully over to working of God in their lives.

[i]And her rival used to provoke her grievously to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb. So it went on year by year. As often as she went up to the house of the LORD, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat and Elkanah, her husband, said to her, "Hannah, why do you weep? And why do you not eat? And why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?" After they had eaten and drunk in Shiloh, Hannah rose. Now Eli the priest was sitting on the seat beside the doorpost of the temple of the LORD. She was deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly. And she vowed a vow and said, "O LORD of hosts, if you will indeed look on the affliction of your servant and remember me and not forget your servant, but will give to your servant a son, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life, and no razor shall touch his head." As she continued praying before the LORD, Eli observed her mouth. Hannah was speaking in her heart; only her lips moved, and her voice was not heard. Therefore Eli took her to be a drunken woman. 1Sam 1: 9-13And she said, "Oh, my lord! As you live, my lord, I am the woman who was standing here in your presence, praying to the LORD For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him. [/i]
another area God has been showing I can't ask God to show what to do, and yet be unwilling to obey.

[i]Then Samuel said, "Gather all Israel at Mizpah, and I will pray to the LORD for you."
So they gathered at Mizpah and drew water and poured it out before the LORD and fasted on that day and said there, "We have sinned against the LORD." And Samuel judged the people of Israel at Mizpah. And the people of Israel said to Samuel, "Do not cease to cry out to the LORD our God for us, that he may save us from the hand of the Philistines." So Samuel took a nursing lamb and offered it as a whole burnt offering to the LORD. And Samuel cried out to the LORD for Israel, and the LORD answered him. As Samuel was offering up the burnt offering, the Philistines drew near to attack Israel. But the LORD thundered with a mighty sound that day against the Philistines and threw them into confusion, and they were routed before Israel. 1 Sam 7:5-10and said to him, "Behold, you are old and your sons do not walk in your ways. Now appoint for us a king to judge us like all the nations."But the thing displeased Samuel when they said, "Give us a king to judge us." And Samuel prayed to the LORD.
1 Sam 8:6-7[/i]

Also just seeing how great My God is a reason I should be moved to want to get to know Him more.
[i]Gratitude in our God how great he is Then King David went in and sat before the LORD and said, "Who am I, O Lord GOD, and what is my house, that you have brought me thus far? And yet this was a small thing in your eyes, O Lord GOD. You have spoken also of your servant's house for a great while to come, and this is instruction for mankind, O Lord GOD! And what more can David say to you? For you know your servant, O Lord GOD! Because of your promise, and according to your own heart, you have brought about all this greatness, to make your servant know it. Therefore you are great, O LORD God. For there is none like you, and there is no God besides you, according to all that we have heard with our ears. And who is like your people Israel, the one nation on earth whom God went to redeem to be his people, making himself a name and doing for them great and awesome things by driving out before your people, whom you redeemed for yourself from Egypt, a nation and its gods? And you established for yourself your people Israel to be your people forever. And you, O LORD, became their God. or you, O LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, have made this revelation to your servant, saying, 'I will build you a house.' Therefore your servant has found courage to pray this prayer to you. And now, O Lord GOD, you are God, and your words are true, and you have promised this good thing to your servant. Now therefore may it please you to bless the house of your servant, so that it may continue forever before you. For you, O Lord GOD, have spoken, and with your blessing shall the house of your servant be blessed forever." 2 Sam 7:18-29[/i]

Sickness, Maybe if I got to eating right again and other things I sure I will start to feel better and even if I don't the matter of obeying is good. I need to get some thing in order, these couple months have been hard. May By Gods grace he can help, set things in order again.
[i]In those days Hezekiah became sick and was at the point of death. And Isaiah the prophet the son of Amoz came to him and said to him, "Thus says the LORD, 'Set your house in order, for you shall die; you shall not recover.'" Then Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the LORD, saying, "Now, O LORD, please remember how I have walked before you in faithfulness and with a whole heart, and have done what is good in your sight." And Hezekiah wept bitterly. And before Isaiah had gone out of the middle court, the word of the LORD came to him:"Turn back, and say to Hezekiah the leader of my people, Thus says the LORD, the God of David your father: I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. Behold, I will heal you. On the third day you shall go up to the house of the LORD, 2 King

"But will God indeed dwell on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain you; how much less this house that I have built! Yet have regard to the prayer of your servant and to his plea, O LORD my God, listening to the cry and to the prayer that your servant prays before you this day, that your eyes may be open night and day toward this house, the place of which you have said, 'My name shall be there,' that you may listen to the prayer that your servant offers toward this place. And listen to the plea of your servant and of your people Israel, when they pray toward this place. And listen in heaven your dwelling place, and when you hear, forgive. "If a man sins against his neighbor and is made to take an oath and comes and swears his oath before your altar in this house, then hear in heaven and act and judge your servants, condemning the guilty by bringing his conduct on his own head, and vindicating the righteous by rewarding him according to his righteousness. 2Kings[/i]

So, I have a reason to leave to all to seek God, in matter of knowing Him more. But that not the whole reason of leaving if so I wouldn't ask as much for prayer. But there are things that have happened in the last month, and I feel uneasy and not good about many matters. They are weighty on my heart. Each time I am on SI, they are there unsettled. I am sure some could be for misunderstanding, but there is still a lot of unclear matters. I thought it might be good to gain wisdom from my pastor and others, in what God has been teaching and showing me and how that applies. At this time I feel words with my heart are like Jeremiah said burning bones, how could not speak. I love writing and speaking what God puts on my heart, I think one area is that I have felt there are some who would rather I didn't post. In that I have found myself questioning every post. But I am reminded I am posting for Christ not man. But I think some ways I have allowed it hurt me. I don't want this to a reason of leaving, but it is add in the factor. So please pray I will not have any pride in these matters, and will just obey. I know that matters and things God has been showing in the last month, and things it seems that hard unlike by some. But the matter of Holiness and prayer, and Truth are ever before me. But I feel I must first go and set my house in order before coming and speaking on matters I myself I am not willing to do.

So please pray I will know what this means, If it is step away for a week, and rest and pray or a month, or even much longer. If it is to not post, but get on to pray over things? Or to stay away all together. Please pray that God will teach and make this that are unclear to me.

I have met a few sister that I would like to praise God for, One Joy, a sweet sister in the Lord, who has taken the time to pray and talk with me. She is one who seeks and longs to hunger for God, Please pray for her, that God will do a mighty and powerful thing in her life, growing to a deep prayer life. And Danielle, another gift from God, she battled with me in prayer before Ohio and when I was there. One who desire to be real and honest. Please pray that every weak area God will raise her up that in her weakness Christ will make her strong. Please pray for her boys they will come to know the Lord. And Forest, I too have been blessed by a sister who listens and has prayed for me. Who is always filled with joy. Please pray for her health and that God will able to walk stronger everyday. There are other such as Linn, and little gift...Thanks you each one of you for praying and talking with me. Also I can't forget dear Brothers. Abe J I am very thankful for grace of God working in this brother. I can see God moving and grace towards the things of the world. I am thankful for his heart for the lost that has encouraged me to go and share with others. Please pray for him, whenever he goes out to preach Christ, that God will have put His might power on him, and his word will be gone and God help to have his, and to not share Christ make teach and train in all things you command. I also thankful tears of Joy, a brother that is eager to grow and learn in the Lord. I also see Gods grace in his life. Please pray for him that he will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord. And seek Him daily with a new love. And hmmm I see God humbling work in this brother, a father of 7, I see God changing and working is Good will in and through his life. I see a love and tender heart. Please pray for each of his children that will grow to fear the Lord and follow hard after the lord and that he will have wisdom in leading his family. He will love his wife as Christ loved the Church. He will have a humble heart in all things. I am also thankful for Cory, he been encouragement to me. I see God grace working in him, bring change and growth. Please pray he will be encouraged and filled with the joy of the Lord. Pray that he will grow as a leader and a man of God, he will be humble and have forgiveness in his heart. He will obey and listen to God is all things. I am thankful for TJ, and many others thank you. You are in my prayers.


 2007/11/20 21:42Profile

Joined: 2007/6/25
Posts: 764

 Re: leaveing, for now.

First I would say don't leave. I can relate in feeling like I need to leave SI. This is a place to encourage others, to sharpen your skills, and be feed by thousands of terrific messages. We probably all can say we need better balance in our lives with how our time is spent. If we have anything in our lives, even if it is good for us like SI or something else along those lines, if it cuts in the time with the Lord then it is not a good thing.

I wish I could offer something more full of wisdom and insight, I am not one for great wordage!(see... that is not even a word) But God is faithful when we are faithless.

Hang in there. We all need you here


 2007/11/20 21:58Profile

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