| God Speaks|
Moments ago I was about to post this:
One day I wake up and live all out for God with such a love and zeal for Him, knowing that He loves me, I love Him, and I am His.
The next day I wake up and live in complete sin and foolishness, wondering if He really does love me and if there is, not just forgiveness, but cleansing from all my sins, whilst simultaneously doubting whether I am His or condemned to an eternity in hell.
Maybe I'm too legalistic with myself.
Maybe my 'standards' are too high.
I don't want to sin once more in my entire life. But I do, and it is killing me. I could echo with Wesley that I have never loved God. I live some days as if I hate Him. I can't take sin in my life any more and I don't want to spend one minute with the world or anything trivial. I want to spend every living moment of every living day with my Lord, knowing that I am His and that I truly do love Him.
But I don't live like it.
And the second I finish this post, I'll be off sinning again, and then waking up some time next week feeling on top of the world.
I cannot stop doubting myself. When I feel as though I love God, my own voice in my own head whispers to me, 'You don't. He doesn't love you and you don't love Him.' It's not satan's voice. It's my own. Everything good in scripture is returned with that similar doubt.
I don't think I can take any more. Maybe I am one of those men in Romans who God has handed over to his lusts, and I'm condemned to a life of self-living humanism with not a care in the world, only tormented night and day by the knowledge that I am not right with God; and never will be.
What do I do?
My internet momentarily shut down, so I copied and rebooted. Meanwhile, I somehow stumbled upon a Christmas carol which touched my heart -
[u]Once In Royal David's City[/u]
Once in royal Davids city
Stood a lowly cattle shed,
Where a mother laid her Baby
In a manger for His bed:
Mary was that mother mild,
Jesus Christ her little Child.
He came down to earth from Heaven,
Who is God and Lord of all,
And His shelter was a stable,
And His cradle was a stall;
With the poor, and mean, and lowly,
Lived on earth our Savior holy.
And, through all His wondrous childhood,
He would honor and obey,
Love and watch the lowly maiden,
In whose gentle arms He lay:
Christian children all must be
Mild, obedient, good as He.
For He is our childhoods pattern;
Day by day, like us He grew;
He was little, weak and helpless,
Tears and smiles like us He knew;
And He feeleth for our sadness,
And He shareth in our gladness.
And our eyes at last shall see Him,
Through His own redeeming love,
For that Child so dear and gentle
Is our Lord in Heavn above,
And He leads His children on
To the place where He is gone.
Not in that poor lowly stable,
With the oxen standing by,
We shall see Him; but in Heaven,
Set at Gods right hand on high;
Where like stars His children crowned
All in white shall wait around.
I was compelled to write these words:
I'm a filthy sinner.
'That's good,' God says, 'because I've not come for good people.'
[b]Holy[/b] on earth was Jesus, amidst fools.
He honoured His parents and His Father. Be like Him.
He knows what it is to be a man and live.
I will see Him, because of [u]His[/u] redeeming love.
He wil lead me on, and home.
I'm first a sinner and then a fool. But this I know - [b]God speaks[/b]
| 2007/8/27 11:31|
| Re: God Speaks|
You are not alone. If you have read Romans
Ch 7, then you know that even the apostle
Paul had his frustrations and struggles with
trying to live godly. He finally realized
he could not live godly in his own strength
or will; only by relying on God's power
and God's will. The Spirit of God gives us
the victory!! The Spirit of God makes us
more than conquerors!! Be filled with the
Spirit, be led by the Spirit, and walk in
the Spirit and you will find victory!! ;-)
Martin G. Smith
| 2007/8/27 12:35||Profile|