I must say I am impressed by the honesty of people here at SI. :-)
Dave, I understand that this must be a really hard situation for you, that is why I am so glad to see that you are prepared to ask such a tough question and to consider the answers.
The thing I noticed in your post was this:
The question that I am faced with is: Am I allowed to re marry? This woman wants badly to marry me, and everyone is telling me that it's fine , but I have heard other views on the subject, [b]and I really don't have a peace about it[/b].
NEVER take such a step if you don't have peace about it. There is always some reason for the lack of peace inside, even if we may not know the exact reason. (Or maybe in this case you do?)
My heart goes out to you, brother! I can feel you anguish.
| 2004/5/5 15:10||Profile|
Having thought about it and discussed it a bit with one of my friends, I don't see a Biblical justification of remarriage when the ex-spouse is still alive. If your spouse just up and leaves you (either heathen or acting like one), you aren't held responsible for the divorce, but to say the Scripture permits remarriage in such cases is probably stretching it.
It also seems that the position of the Church on the matter was pretty solid from early times until fairly recently, and we should always be wary (not necessarily dismissive-out-of-hand, but wary) of "new" doctrine, and place the burden of proof upon those proposing it. I'd like to know what you all know about the history of the Christian position on divorce and remarriage (if I weren't so lazy I'd go research it myself, and I probably will, just not at the moment). Sometimes it's right to turn from the historical position, but we have to be careful, and we had better not change only for compassionate or emotional reasons (i.e. there's a tremendous number of remarried people and people living in possibly/clearly adulterous re-marriages, so there's a lot of pressure to be too lenient on the issue).
Aside from the general case, though, it's a very good point that we should never do anything (particularly so important) lacking a peace from God. Remember,
And he that doubteth is damned if he eat, because he eateth not from faith; for whatsoever is not from faith is sin.
That is: doubtful action is sin.
| 2004/5/5 17:14||Profile|
Hey Brother, Continue to ernestly CONTEND FOR THE FAITH of Jesus Christ our LOrd and Savior.
| 2004/5/6 0:21||Profile|
| Re: Divorce and Re Marriage|
I am entering this forum for the first time. I would like to say to bigdaveusa that I understand your problem. I am divorced although the difference being that I was married for 7 years and have 3 beautiful daughters. My children's mom decided to have an affair (we were saved at the time) she separated and I divorced after 4 years of prayer and hope. Anyway I have not remarried and do not feel as a Christian I have a right to as long as my children's mother does not remarry. Although I do not see myself remarrying anyway
1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, 2 and if after she leaves his house she becomes the wife of another man, 3 and her second husband dislikes her and writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house, or if he dies, 4 then her first husband, who divorced her, is not allowed to marry her again after she has been defiled. That would be detestable in the eyes of the LORD . Do not bring sin upon the land the LORD your God is giving you as an inheritance.
You see I believe christians who marry divorce and remarry are bringing a curse upon the land that the Lord has given us. They are leading selfish and self serving lives, the exact opposite of the life Jesus Christ called us to live. Now, that being said I also understand that you were not a christian at the time of your 1st marriage, or maybe you were, that was kind of unclear. At any rate I do not see a great problem in your remarriage if your first wife has remarried and or if you were not saved at the time of your first marriage.
| 2004/5/6 2:36||Profile|
One final thing I seem to have noticed you saying how badly this woman wants to marry you,
Am I allowed to re marry? This woman wants badly to marry me, etc.,
but nothing is said about how badly you want to marry her although you said you have "become very close" that alone is not grounds for love that brings marriage.
Maybe the check you feel is not whether it is scriptural or not, maybe it is because you don't love her in the way that brings marriage into a relationship.
I am just reading from what was written by you, and I had to look at this very same topic with myself and a woman. I finally realized the "check" was because I really didn't love her that way.
P.S. we are still great friends, Thank God!!!!
| 2004/5/6 2:49||Profile|
| Re: Divorce and Re Marriage|
Though I am against divorse and remairrage in most every case, every case must be viewed individualy. and as far as you are concerned, my thinking is this. We can do what we will here as we will (concerning divorce) but since he he who mairries a divorced person commits adultry, the divorce is not valid before God. therefore whatever the state decrees you are still wed before God.
In that case, (if my initial premis is invalid it destroys my arguement) I would draw your attention to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 14-15.
14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.
15 Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.
It seems here that if you were yet married and it was her desire to leave, you would not be under bondage...I think this is the councel of the bible in this case...
| 2004/5/6 9:06||Profile|
I would tend to agree with Matthew's latest post on this. (1 Cor 7:15-16)
Also 1 Cor 7:27-28 seems to indicate to me that when your spouse leaves you and divorces you that you are released. It says not to seek a wife but if you do should marry again that you have not sinned.
The real problem to me is when two people say they are Christians but one wants a divorce. To me this is an indication that one of them is unbelieving. God hates divorce and so do Christians.
| 2004/5/6 9:18||Profile|
I just want to say through my tears how much I love and appreciate all of you. Thank you for the tender words of understanding and encouragement. I knew that I could count on all of you, and could imagine that I could actually hear the pages of your bibles turning as you winnowed out the truth with me. I am shocked at the disparity of views concerning the matter. Scripture seems clear about it, and then I read this or that that leads me to the conclusion that the matter is not so clear but seemingly convoluted. I do know this: Jesus is the Author and Finisher of my faith. That the evil one is the author of confusion. I now merely wrestle with the hard truth it seems. God will not be mocked. He hates divorce. He is faithful even when we are faithless, but He does not excuse willful sin or causing another to sin. There are consequences...eternal consequences.......
This is where I am at on the subject. Please pray for me. Thank you.........................
| 2004/5/7 8:52||Profile|
How is it that a person can remarry under any circumstance after a divorce, whether they were a christian or not at tha time? It looks to me as though God's word is very clear on the matter. :-?
| 2004/5/7 14:48||Profile|
Responding to 1 Cor 7 verse about letting them go. That seems to mean it's ok to separate or divorce, but the Scripture doesn't say then it's ok to remarry, that is being assumed, and that is dangerous to do. Reading the whole bible, scripture seems to lean towards staying unmarried if your first marriage is a bust. Reading the whole of God's word over and over, not just taking one scripture, is the best way to interpret God's word and understand God's will and His ways. Again, we follow Jesus, and He has some things to say about this. If one is going to twist and add on to what Scripture says, God will not hold you guiltless on the Day of Judgment. Jesus as Lord means do what He says to do, live life how He says to live it, otherwise, He is not your Lord.
| 2004/5/7 17:57||Profile|