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Joined: 2006/8/24
Posts: 59
Toronto, Canada

 Lending a Friend Money

Has anyone had the experience of lending a friend money in a time of need and after a period of time it appears that they are not making a serious effort to pay you back?

I'm in such a situation where about 3 years ago I loaned a close friend money (i'm not talking a small amount) as they were in a difficult situation. Knowing her financial history and that the possibility would be there that she would not be able to pay me back, I saw the seriousness of the situation she was in and helped anyway because I didn't want to see her get into further trouble than she was already in. I knew that it was quite possible that she would never be able to return what she was lent although she had a plan to sort out her finances following this crisis. She promised she would pay such and such every month. That plan never materialized.

What I'm wrestling with now is how to deal with this situation in a manner that is pleasing to the Lord. If it were a matter that she is trying her best and is just not able, I can live with that. What I've seen however is that she is spending on things that are not, in my view, essential (i.e. CD's, books, gifts, etc.)even though I know she is not in debt just to me. The zinger for me was about a month ago in casual conversation said she would like to go to Niagara Falls this summer and did I have any thoughts as to where I wanted to go. As we were in the middle of doing another activity, I didn't respond with much of an answer at the time. It bothered me though to think that here I was, still paying for her debt (I used my line of credit and have been paying monthly since then) and she's thinking about where she'd like to go on a day trip somewhere.

I know that I need to confront her with this and I am praying as to how to deal with it properly. Up to this point I have not prodded her for the money as she has had a number of trying situations since that time and I didn't want to be another voice causing her more stress. Things are more settled for her now and I was hoping that by this point, she would begin to make an effort. This has indeed affected our friendship and I'm not sure if at this point it is repairable.

Has anyone else been in such a situation? How did you deal with it in your heart? Because this was my best friend, I feel used and hurt. That's what's bothering me. I'm praying for the Lord's wisdom to know how to go about dealing with this situation. I honestly don't know if our friendship will ever be what it once was. I also sometimes feel that I don't want the friendship to continue but then wonder if that is not a good heart attitude or if that is a valid thing.

If anyone has experienced such a situation, please let me know your thoughts.



 2007/7/14 13:21Profile

Joined: 2003/10/30
Posts: 1554

 Re: Lending a Friend Money

Dear sister,

Have you went through the Sermon on the Mount prayerfully about this situation?
Especially Luke 6:34 and 6:30?

Luk 6:34 And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.

But I think there is something much more important here:

You think that this is about money, but no sister.

God is serving you wonderful opportunity how to know Him more, and chance to enter into deeper relationship with Jesus, to take a glimpse into His heart.

The Lord doesn't care do you have 10.000$ more or less, what He really cares is do you know the heart of Jesus? Do you really know Him and getting closer and closer to Him.

If you look on this situation as a privilege that God is serving you to enter into deeper fellowship, and if you can see the whole story from that angle, it would be very different, it would change your thinking on 180 degrees.

The thing that Jesus is calling us as His disciples, is the thing called - dying.
You need to die in order to bring more fruit.
And sister, sometimes dying is not an easy thing.

But it is blessed thing, when you will see Christ all in all, and your "I" would be abolished.

You need to die, about when your heart reacts that your friend will go to Niagara Falls, you need to die for your money, for your hurt and feeling to be used, you need to die for yourself and let Jesus reign in your heart.

Turn your eyes from you upon Him who was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth.

There was a recent article posted in other thread, that really touches the heart of this issue:
[url=]Am I willing to go the secong mile for my Lord?[/url]

I know that I need to confront her with this and I am praying as to how to deal with it properly.

Maybe you should consider, offering her extra money if she needed, for her trip to Niagara Falls? That would be wonderful chance to win her and "confront" her, and wonderful chance for you to get more closer to Jesus! (Try to reject every worldly thought that you are "used" and would be more, the principles in the Kingdom of God are different like black and white from the principles of this world)

Use this situation sister!

May the Lord bless your heart,

 2007/7/14 14:37Profile

Joined: 2003/10/30
Posts: 1554

 Re: Lending a Friend Money

Well, I believe that this article was not posted by accident in other thread, maybe God wanted to teach us something all of us, one of the main purposes of this forum is edifying the body of Christ.

[b]Suffering Afflictions and Going the Second Mile[/b]

I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also —Matthew 5:39

This verse reveals the humiliation of being a Christian. In the natural realm, if a person does not hit back, it is because he is a coward. But in the spiritual realm, it is the very evidence of the Son of God in him if he does not hit back. When you are insulted, you must not only not resent it, but you must make it an opportunity to exhibit the Son of God in your life. And you cannot imitate the nature of Jesus— it is either in you or it is not. [b]A personal insult becomes an opportunity for a saint to reveal the incredible sweetness of the Lord Jesus.[/b]

The teaching of the Sermon on the Mount is not, "Do your duty," but is, in effect, "Do what is not your duty." It is not your duty to go the second mile, or to turn the other cheek, but Jesus said that if we are His disciples, we will always do these things. We will not say, "Oh well, I just can’t do any more, and I’ve been so misrepresented and misunderstood." [b]Every time I insist on having my own rights, I hurt the Son of God, while in fact I can prevent Jesus from being hurt if I will take the blow myself.[/b] That is the real meaning of filling "up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ . . ." ( Colossians 1:24 ). [b]A disciple realizes that it is his Lord’s honor that is at stake in his life, not his own honor.[/b]

[b]Never look for righteousness in the other person, but never cease to be righteous yourself. We are always looking for justice, yet the essence of the teaching of the Sermon on the Mount is— Never look for justice, but never cease to give it.[/b]

 2007/7/14 14:45Profile

Joined: 2006/8/24
Posts: 59
Toronto, Canada


Thanks Kire.

I had considered the first part of Luke 6:30 when she had asked for help, but I see I missed the last part " not demand it back". Ouch.

Thanks for the encouragement and correction.



 2007/7/14 16:00Profile


I never lend money... ever.

I give it to people. Then, if they pay me back, I'm pleasantly surprised... and if they dont I've already forgotten about it anyway.


 2007/7/14 19:28

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