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ZealForTruth
Member



Joined: 2007/6/26
Posts: 22


 Question about marriage

Hi everyone,

I just heard a very interesting sermon (yes, on sermonindex) about a person who was a heathen and got married to two women. He later became a christian, and the preacher was saying what he thought he was to do.

So before I tell you what he said, I am just wondering what are your opinions? Does he get to keep both of them, or does he divorce one or does he only get to keep one but not divorce the other, basically condemning her to a life of singleness?

Just wondering what you guys think...

 2007/7/14 4:46Profile









 Re: Question about marriage

If we are to give spiritual counseling to this man using God's Word, I believe the first question he would need to ask himself is which one did not God tell him to marry? Did he tell him to marry the first, the second, either one of them, or neither of them? In view of the scriptures I believe we can safely say, if this these marriages took place after the New Covenant, God did tell him to marry both of women and possible neither one. If God did not join either together then he would need to divorce both of them to be in keeping of what God has joined together. What God hath joined together let no man separate. In the scriptures the Church is "the Bride and Christ is "the Bride Groom" of the Church. This is a marriage covenant in the scriptures. He must cleave to her and her only and she must respect HIS authority. When a man loves a woman as Christ loves the church, then the woman would not have a problem with submission. When both people do it as the Word says, it works. A Christian man is to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave HIMSELF for her. This would not be possible for a man to accomplish having two wives. That's why Jesus in a Christian life must be first and foremost. If Jesus if not first and foremost in our lives we are committing spiritual adultery. I know a man who has been married to 3 wives. 12 years to the first, 1 year to the second, 20 years to the third only the last marriage of 20 years and the one that what requested in prayer has any of the marriages been effective a healthy relationship with each other and in putting Christ first in our marriage. Many times we do not ask HIM whom we are to marry then we don’t want to wait for the answer and to be joined to the person and that is why we have so many divorces. There are many sins we cannot go back and fix. If committed a sin and we killed someone, we could get forgiveness but we could not bring them back, but we could get HIS forgiveness. If we steal something we can be forgiven. When a woman makes the mistake of having an abortion she can be forgiven even though she can't go back give birth to the baby she aborted, if we marry a person God has not chosen we can be forgiven. Often in an earthly sense we cannot fix or change what has happened in the past and it causes pain for many people but he can fix it with HIS forgiveness. If we confess or sins he is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. He did come for the righteous but to save sinners, it is not the healthy that need a doctor but the sick needs the great physician. Only the people that have sins can be forgiven. I know I don’t love the Lord as I need to love HIM, but I want to, Is it possible to love HIM as much as He loves us? I don’t think so.

 2007/7/14 12:05
ZealForTruth
Member



Joined: 2007/6/26
Posts: 22


 Re:

Well, if he was a heathen when he got married to these two women, it's safe to say that God did not tell him to marry either one - he did so by his own choosing. And it's also safe to say that God forgave him since he did not know until he became a christian that what he did was not according to scriptures, but the question still stands, does he get to have two wives after that? If all 3 are converted and both wives love him, is he allowed according to Scriptures to keep them both?

The preacher I heard said that he only gets to live with one, (I'm assuming he meant just to separate physically from the other and not divorce her since that would be against the bible), and also have limitations on what he can be in the church (for example the Bible says that an elder must be the husband of only one wife, therefore this individual could never be an elder).

Anyways, I'm not in a position where I feel a burden to reach a conclusion in this matter, since I am not a pastor to which this issue has been brought, nor am I looking for an argument, but just contemplating the Christian approach to certain scenarios for which I know the Bible has an answer, I have found has helped me understand God better.

In Christ

 2007/7/14 20:32Profile









 Re:

I'm certainly not a Pastor or an elder either, so I was just thinking outloud in my heart and recalling the scriptures on the matter. I reread my post and I left out an important "not" as in Go did not tell him to marry both. oops.
I could not hold either postition elder or pastor for the reasons mentioned not to say that I meet any of the other requirements. As for the husbands of one wife I would think that would also disqualify a single man and I'm not looking for an argument either. Just thinking outloud again from my memory of the scriptures. I agree he must have been a heathen if he married two at the same time. The thought I was thinking was does a lost person's marriage considered in the eyes of the Lord, Holy Matrimony if both the man and woman are lost. I know it is legal in the bounds of government law, but how does he look on a marriage between two unbelievers?

 2007/7/14 21:26
ZealForTruth
Member



Joined: 2007/6/26
Posts: 22


 Re:

Good question.

I think that God would still count a marriage as valid even if it happened when a couple was non-christian, simply because if that was not the case, then God would have to require every heathen couple that became christian to remarry. And that's not even mentioning people that would see it as a way out of a marriage they don't like and say, "God didn't tell me to marry this person - I'll not remarry them and wait for 'the one' that God will now show me". Imagine what a horrible witness that would be to the world!

Personally, I'm starting to lean on the idea that what that preacher said was right - he only gets to live with one wife (while not divorcing the other).

It would still be nice to be able to find some verses that support that though, because as of now, it's more just an opinion.

 2007/7/15 15:04Profile
lastblast
Member



Joined: 2004/10/16
Posts: 528
Michigan

 Re:

I would say that he has to remain married to the first one he took as his wife.......and as regarding divorce, there is scripture in which men put away UNLAWFUL wives (Ezra 9-10). God hates the putting away of COVENANT spouses (see Mal. 2---the wife of one's youth).

It is my belief that God joins the first marriages of ALL people----unbeliever and believer. Coming to faith later is important in regards to putting away unlawful relationships----adultery, fornication, incest, multiple marriage partners, etc. Salvation does not change a sinful relationship into a lawful one, so in this case, having a second wife is now akin to Adultery against the first, per Jesus' teachings on one man/one woman FOR LIFE.

Blessings........

Ps. Zeal, here is a great link to look over in regards to marital practices: www.marriagedivorce.com


_________________
Cindy

 2007/7/15 16:51Profile
vasilef
Member



Joined: 2005/12/8
Posts: 119
ROMANIA

 Re: Question about marriage

Around the first century it was not forbidden by the Civil Law to have more wives. However the apostles taught that the Christians should have only one wife. If someone with two or more wives converted he should stay with all of them but he could not be an elder or overseer in the church.


_________________
Vasile Filip

 2007/7/16 8:21Profile
iansmith
Member



Joined: 2006/3/22
Posts: 963
Wheaton, IL

 Re:

It was taught that ELDERS should have but one wife... not that all believers should be monogomous. But elders were also supposed to set a standard and reflect Jesus, so I can see how this is more widely applied.

In Africa in the mid 1800's there was a revival among a polygomous tribe of African natives. The missionaries insisted that they must divorce all but one of their wives. This meant that hundreds of women were left without husbands or support. Many of them starved, their children died, many of them had to sell themselves into a life of prostitution.

Although the intentions of the missionaries were good, the results ended in much suffering.


_________________
Ian Smith

 2007/7/16 10:30Profile
lastblast
Member



Joined: 2004/10/16
Posts: 528
Michigan

 Re:

Hello Vasilef,

Could you provide evidence of the Early Church's acceptance of polygamy continuing in new coverts lives? I have the ECF's writings (Antenicene) and I don't recall reading this practice in the early church, but I may surely have missed something. Thank you. Blessings.........


_________________
Cindy

 2007/7/16 14:57Profile
lastblast
Member



Joined: 2004/10/16
Posts: 528
Michigan

 Re:

Hello Iansmith,

I believe the missionaries were correct to tell the men, as Christians, they were only to have one wife. However, it seems that they left off an important aspect of being a Christian man----he is to provide for those who he is responsible for (ie; wives he took unlawfully as well as those children produced in the relationship). In other words, if a man gets himself into an unlawful relationship, he still needs to provide for those who come out of that relationship in need...........Blessings........


_________________
Cindy

 2007/7/16 15:00Profile





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