I'm a sinner you best believe.
I am nothing of myself. I constantly catch myself in life full of mistakes and sins. Like God is in greatness perfect, I am in greatness imperfect and with sin. I to be honest have fear because my life has to consist of a constant seeking, and searching and praying, or I quickly start to fall away from God. I right now am upset with myself for saying I. I could be praying for something else, a more important need. Focusing on something not to do with myself in prayer. I am full belief in God, yet full of doubts of myself. I am full of holes, my boat leaks constantly and Im forever bailing the water out. The more I deny myself and my flesh, the more I see needed to be denied. I only find comfort in worship and prayer. When I think I am standing firm, I usually stumble. But he is always merciful. I have a fire like desire to die more to myself everyday. But myself doesn’t want to die. Though I chop down the tree of my flesh, new sprouts come quickly. I burn with passion for increase in decrease. My desire, my fight, is to give everything away, give it all to him. Even if it means dying for him today. But I at the same time to be honest, don't want to die for him today. I want to do more for him before I die, what can I say. There are things I want so bad. I have to regain my focus on him instead of those things. So continues my struggle. I like a child am helpless and in such dependence on him. Don't judge me or praise me please, I am just one in need of him so desperately. Bankrupt in myself. Forgive me for being so self focused. Time to go ask forgiveness and pray for others needs. This is hard when you’re spiritually bankrupt like me. You probably wouldn't be surprised if I said, I usually pray for me. I guess I’m just growing, who knows. I sure don't. I just constantly seek to be closer to him. To be like Jesus. And to be less of me.

Is it not the greatest to be dependent on him. are not my struggles the same? Do I not weep when I let my flesh win? How many must I fall to gain understanding and walk away? But to die is to win.
To be empty is to be filled. To be dependent is to gain. But the greatest place is to be on our knees. His grace is given, and the weak are lifted up. Without him would I not wither and die? Is he not my life? Let not my eyes trun from him. I make this pray for me. that I can then pray for others. Make me whole make me know that I can tell. Let hear your voice that I might speak. Let feel your love that I might share. Bring me in teach me, that I can teach others. Without you, without growth, I am no good to those around me. Make useful to be a tool for the living and powerful king above

In his love
charlene

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charlene