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luckyd
Member



Joined: 2005/6/1
Posts: 71
tx

 are there girls who dont let looks of a guy phase them?

I have no idea why. Just like some people are tempted towards alcohol and i am not, I have my own struggles. For some reason i have a struggle towards girls. I know its my fault. I feel every girl is shallow, but i think its not true...i say i think because its hard since i have never met a girl that is not shallow. Before i commited my life to christ i have dated many girls and none of them were christian. hanging around non christian girls, dating them and growing up with shallowness from girls because i never had christian friends which was my fault has put filth into my mind. now im not shallow at all atleast not that im aware of. I have dated ugly girls because looks cannot phase me. I have proven this to people, yet people say i am unusual. No i am not unusual. jesus looked at people from the heart and thats what he wants us to do. So yes i can see pretty i girls and not as pretty in other girls, but for many years i have not used the word "hot" to refer to a girl. I cannot see hot in a girl. And there for if i see that a girl is prettier then another girl then thats all. It ends there. It doesnt mean i would give that pretty girl more of a chance over the other.

now even christian girls have been phased by looks and all the others that arent christian. I remember this girl told me that i have a problem with jealousy, but thats not the main problem because if u keep reading my post, later you will see that i want a girl who is the same like me which i have noted how i am later in this post. But she also said, "so if i were to say, oh look brad pit is so cute! and me and you were dating, you would get mad?" well yes i would get mad because why does someone have to be that attracted to a guys looks to actually say "he is SO cute" notice the word SO, in the phrase SO CUTE! what about jessica simpson. shes pretty. the end. thats all that i will answer it with..."shes pretty" im not saying, "oh man shes SO PRETTY" yet shes a girl who just about every guy always has to say shes so hot, but nope not me, she doesnt make me want to date her or tempt me in any way. especially because she isnt in love with jesus which is what tempts me. not looks. I have stopped hanging out with all girls that have shown me an ugly side for a while so that i can spend time with jesus and meet friends that will help bring me up in the lord. my point is that im hoping that those christian girls that can get phased by looks and think of hot when they see some guys like maybe celebrities, or choose guys over looks, im hoping they were either not true christians or weak christians, so that i can know that god will show me girls that are really inlove with jesus and are truly able to wait for thier husband even if he is the ugliest guy or are truly able to get to want to know any guy and not give one guy more attention based on looks. i want to know there are girls that if they had 2 guys phone numbers and they had a nice time with both guys but the ugly guy had a little better personality, i would like to know that the girl would choose the ugly guy with the better personality to talk to, and i dont mean in dating because we should all wait for the lord to bring someone, but i just mean that if she has to choose who to be friends with.

real quick...the reason i have such a big problem is because i think everyone can agree that looks in life has caused so many problems. look at how everyone thinks they have to be good looking, or everyone thinks they have to look at certain way. why when a guy tells a girl shes beautiful, why does the girl feel so happy about this? so basically i could of mentioned so many great things about you but i decide to mention something that u didnt even work for? your looks?
why did an ugly girl i dated have to tell me she doesnt understand why a good looking guy like me would be with an ugly person like her? man i get so angry.

let me explain about myself basically. When a girl asks me what girl i think is hot, usually a celebrity, here is my answer. "i dont see hot", so i cant answer that. When 2 girls are with me and one is not as pretty as another but the one that may be ugly has a nice personality, i am in no way tempted to like the more prettier one. i basically dont consider looks much. To me looks could never make me feel more for someone over any other. ill never whatch tv and be fasinated by a girl because shes "so pretty, or hot" whatever people think these days. and sometimes i think that if i feel god has a girl for me and shes so christian, i think i want to test her and ask what celebrity she thinks is hot because i want her to feel just the same way i do about looks. and if i would easily answer that i dont see hot, why cant i do that test to make sure she will answer the same as me.

i guess in the end obviously if a girl is tempted by looks, that means when im married or have a gf i am in love with, that means she will be attracted to many guys, because looks are the first things you notice and she will be attracted to many guys because of thier looks. thats also why i hope a girl feels the same as me about how they dont see looks as much. if there is no girl that feels how i do, then i guess i should face the fact that im the only person like this. Therefore i dont want to get married because it will cause too much jealousy and anger towards my wife, because thats my struggle and i cant date or marry someone who tempts my struggles. sometimes i really feel i wont get married and this hurts my christian walk because sometimes i can feel so bitter towards girls. please let a girl who feels the same as me be out there..im tired of people even girls telling me how its cool im so different. and i know this will sound stupid, but please let a christian girl be out there that doesnt see brad pit as SO CUTE or hot or whatever. please let there be a girl who just as jessica simpson is probably a brad pit to many guys and yet i dont pay attention to her, let there be a girl who when she sees brad pitt, she really doesnt care and in fact she is attracted to other guys because they are inlove with christ... i know this may sound stupid but its because that really will show alot if you think about it. so everything that i have said in this post about how i feel for girls, that is because i am the way i expect a girl, and yes no one is perfect, but i cant be the only one in this entire world that doesnt let looks phase me nor can they at the place im in with my life. if you have any comments but are struggling with temptation towards looks please dont coment. I would prefer girls or guys that know girls like this to post so that i can know girls like me exist. thank you. this really took alot off my chest.


_________________
jesse

 2007/7/7 6:59Profile









 Re: are there girls who dont let looks of a guy phase them?

I've learned that not everyone who calls themselves a Christian loves Christ with their whole heart, mind, body, and strength.

BUT!!!! We are all growing and maturing... even you!! What's that old saying?

"Be patient... God isn't finished with me yet!"

 2007/7/7 7:49
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7463
Mississippi

 Re:

So why do looks matter? It is because of the way we all are wired. Researchers have proven that very small children, toddlers actually, are more attracted to people with physical beauty then to plain and ugly ones. Now this is the natural.

Have you ever considered the fact that Adam and Eve must have been created as the most beautiful people one can imagine? This would be in God's nature to do. What we see now ocassionally is a glimpse of that beauty when we see one naturally endowed with beauty, be it male or female. Have you ever noticed how a real beautiful person is so distracting, so distracting it interfers with conversation and emotions?

Most females like to look nice and pretty because of the attention given to them by males. This is a throwback to the curse placed on them: "Thy heart shall be to thy husband." We want to be attractive to a male. I like it when my DH thinks I look nice. If he does not compliment me, I will ask! ;-)

I have noticed this that when a person, male or female, considers themselves to be hopelessly plain or ugly, they will then dress, act in a way that emphasizes this aspect of what nature dealt out to them. Now this all is what happens in the flesh.

When our children were teens/young adults I would challenge them when they would wow handsome males or pretty girls.When I upbraided one of our sons about his fascinations with physical beauty [in a girl], he said "Mom, I do not know of any guys who do not like a pretty girl!" Sigh. I was sure they were going to allow this to be a deciding factor in them choosing their life mate. But in reality, it did not factor in at all. They married plain looking people who had better character then looks!

Now on the other hand, have you ever noticed how a person's lifestyle will impact ones physical appearance? People who have pursued a lifestyle of rebellion and sin start looking like their lifestyle choices? This does not happen overnight but in a course of years. I tell my DH how I think people no longer look as pretty/handsome as they did years ago: they are looking uglier then before. Wonder what the experts would say about this?

Anyhow....

Now what does the Scripture say? This is what should motivate us: beauty is deceitful says one proverb. Enjoy it if you will, but at an arms length, pun intended. I have also seen plain and ugly looking people to be the most talented, most beautiful people around BUT you had to take your time to discover that. And the rewards are tremendous. Soon you will not even notice what they look like: all you will see is what you know them to be! Brother, this requires time and maturity which is coupled with honesty. You may also learn that the ones you thought were so beautiful have bad character which will quickly make them look ugly.

Brother, it takes time. And give yourself plenty of it. I know it seems like this problem should be fixed quickly, but it won't be. It existed in the old times and still does today. So in the meantime, you concentrate on becoming the person God wants you to be which will include your desire for a wife and then see what God brings your way.

Hope this will help....
ginnyrose




_________________
Sandra Miller

 2007/7/7 10:07Profile
tjservant
Member



Joined: 2006/8/25
Posts: 1658
Indiana USA

 Re:

Quote:
Researchers have proven that very small children, toddlers actually, are more attracted to people with physical beauty then to plain and ugly ones.



Are these researchers ones that believe in evolution or creation? :-)


_________________
TJ

 2007/7/7 10:49Profile
bereangirl
Member



Joined: 2006/8/24
Posts: 59
Toronto, Canada

 Re: are there girls who dont let looks of a guy phase them?

Hi Luckyd,

Quote:
"I have stopped hanging out with all girls that have shown me an ugly side for a while so that i can spend time with jesus and meet friends that will help bring me up in the lord. my point is that im hoping that those christian girls that can get phased by looks and think of hot when they see some guys like maybe celebrities, or choose guys over looks, im hoping they were either not true christians or weak christians, so that i can know that god will show me girls that are really inlove with jesus and are truly able to wait for thier husband even if he is the ugliest guy or are truly able to get to want to know any guy and not give one guy more attention based on looks."

I hope that I can be an encouragement somehow in responding to you post. I think you are on the right track in focusing on the Lord first and wanting friends that will help you in your walk. Marriage is definitely a huge descision and not to be taken lightly. I am not married myself but have watched as friends got engaged and married. I've witnessed some relationship disasters because the relationship was founded on physical attraction and not on God's timing or leading.

If your heart's desire is to be a good husband and if the thought of not being married someday is a painful one, know that God put that desire there. God is with you on this one. Keep praying and He will lead you to the right lady.

Are all girls shallow? No. As your profile says you're a student, I'm guessing you're around 19 or 20. Would I be right? Well then I'm about 20 years older than you. My question at your age was, do I have to dumb myself down in order for guys to like me? I was the nerdy, bookwormy girl in high school that didn't like Top 40 (I had very eclectic musical tastes) and didn't like the trendy clothes and stupid stuff that some of the other girls were into. So I wasn't Miss Popularity. But Jesus rescued me from darkness when I was 17 in my bedroom with a Gideon Bible and revealed Himself to me. He began a good work in me and is still working at making me like Him. As Intens4Him said, we are all works in progress. Now I'm a believing nerdy bookwoom. :-)

That said, as you know, looking at the heart of a person is what matters. Perhaps you are trying to do that by dating "ugly" girls as you say and not going by external beauty. I would think that if you're dating, spend a good amount of time praying together. That's the best way to hear a person's heart and where they are at. You can fake "happy-clappy-Sunday-morning-church" Christianity but hearing her prayers will help you discern where she's at spiritually.

Some thoughts on beauty. It's human nature to admire things that are beautiful. We admire mountains and flowers and other aspects of God's creation. We admire human beauty when we see it. That by itself is not wrong, it just is. The world has made it wrong by valuing people based on looks. Sin has defiled it by changing looking to leering feeding lust. I'm suspecting that the girls that you say are commenting on, or are attracted to celebrities have fallen for the world's notion of attraction and valuing that attraction. It's most likely a sign of immaturity that is on display there. It's not wrong to notice beauty. Scripture even points out that Rebekah very beautiful (Gen 24:16) and that Joseph, Saul, David, and Absalom were handsome! (See Gen 39:6, 1 Sam 9:2, 1 Sam 16:2, 2 Sam 14:25). It's what the person does with beauty that is a heart issue. Do they value it to the exclusion of others? Are they falling into mental sexual sin?

Interestingly enough God in His wisdom made His Son rather plain looking. Isaiah prophesied in Isaiah 53:2: "For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, And like a root out of parched ground; He has no stately form or majesty that we should look upon Him, nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him." Imagine that. He could have made Jesus the most handsome man that ever lived, but that would have been the world's way of doing things.

Trust that the Lord knows your heart and that you desire a Godly woman. Let Him replace your fear that this woman will have roaming eyes with the faith that He will send you someone who will love you. The one He gives you will have eyes for you, my brother. If both of you know that God has arranged your marriage, you will only have eyes for each other and you will see beauty in each other. I've thankfully been able to witness two such God-ordained marriages and it's wonderful and a blessing to see.

Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." May the Lord bless and guide your seeking.

Blessings,
Sonja

 2007/7/7 10:53Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7463
Mississippi

 Re:

Quote:
Are these researchers ones that believe in evolution or creation?



I do not know. Reckon that would make a difference?

All I know is what the article said. Researchers placed small children in a room with pictures of beautiful people - I think it was females, but do not remember - and noted how ofen the child would look at the pictures and [i]which[/i] ones and the length of time spent gazing at them.

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2007/7/7 13:01Profile









 Re:

A Godly women will ask God to draw her to the one that he chosen for her in that she knows that he knows better than she does who she needs. Looks may or may not be a factor in who he choses. I don't think God would give her someone she wouldn't want to look at. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and according to scripture beauty is much more than physical features. Lust is in the eyes of the flesh. The culture preaches and promotes lust. The culture gives us the model women that looks desirable. So was the forbidden fruit in the garden. The culture is planting devil seeds everyday on mainstream TV. If you are trying to live a life pleasing to the Lord you are or should be bucking the culture.

 2007/7/7 13:13









 Re: are there girls who dont let looks of a guy phase them?

luckyd said

Quote:
I have dated ugly girls because looks cannot phase me. I have proven this to people, yet people say i am unusual. No i am not unusual. jesus looked at people from the heart and thats what he wants us to do.

Bro, there are plenty of girls out there looking for a godly husband, whatever he looks like, and you are not alone in not being phased by looks. I'd offer that girls who are not phased by looks probably have at least one natural brother or have grown up around boys, and realise that looks don't dictate personality.

I do think (if you are not ugly) you should make allowances for plain or 'ugly' girls being surprised by your attention to them, but, I'm sure you're aware also, that if you are good looking, then you are going to attract some girls who [i]are[/i] only after a man with 'looks'.

 2007/7/7 18:20









 Re:

I knew this had been discussed before...it just took a while to come up with the old thread.

Maybe this will add some more helpful insight...

http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=16856&forum=35#131330

~Joy

 2007/7/7 22:30
FreebyWord
Member



Joined: 2007/5/26
Posts: 97


 Re: are there girls who dont let looks of a guy phase them?



luckyd?

Your post was painful to read on several levels. You talked a lot about being "phased" by girls, girls being "phased" by you--ugly ones and beautiful ones.

It's difficult to remember specifics of your post, but when I got to the end of your very long tome, I had the overall impression that you need to [b]get deeply into the Word of God, seek the face of our Father, look to Him and Him only for provision in ALL things (ALL things encompasses girls, ugly or beautiful).[/b]

God Himself will provide the Godly woman for the Godly man that will not be "fazed" ("not be fazed" meaning your composure under the shadow of the Lord will not be disturbed in any way) by what any woman (ugly or beautiful) says or does or how she "looks" at you.

Child of God of ALL, believe, exercise your faith as His child, that God WILL provide the bride of HIS choosing for you. This woman would be the perfect woman for you. If you truly believe that, then you will [b]rest[/b] in that knowledge.

Devote yourself to the Lord, His Word, finding and abiding in His presence in the prayer closet.

Keep your eyes on the Lord Jesus Christ, seek the Kingdom of Heaven FIRST and ALL these "things" SHALL be added unto you.

My prayer for you luckyd is that the Lord will impress on you the imperative to get into and walk in obedience to His prescribed Word for our lives and that the confusion and obsessive thoughts the enemy has placed in your mind be broken in Jesus' name. Amen

 2007/7/8 17:01Profile





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