I can also attest to being hurt by words as I was growing up. This was the source of my strongholds- and is the source for many people's strongholds in their life. Words can never be taken back- the damage is done.
Many times they are not meant to hurt but people are careless and ignorant of the damage they do. That's why we have God's Word to show us how to edify each other. I have to be very careful with the words I speak to my children. I must take time to think about what i am going to say and IF i should say what I'd really like to.
I have this article that I've read many times about Edification. I'm still no expert but it helps as a reminder. Also these verses are posted in my room to help me remember the power of my words:
[b]"But I tell you that men will have to give an account on the day of judgement for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be aquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."[/b]Mat.12:36-37
In His perfect love, Chanin
Here's the article if you'd like to read it:
Edification is the biblical term for this process (Eph. 4:12). Evangelism leads to spiritual birth. Edification results in spiritual growth. The goal of edification is spiritual maturity and Christ-likeness. As each individual member does his part to build up the others in the Body, the entire Body grows up and becomes mature and healthy.
There are different ways to edify the Body of Christ. Many New Testament phrases with the words "one another" or "edify" suggest specific ways to build up one another. Let's look at some examples.
1. "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers" (Eph. 4:29). We so easily speak to one another words that hurt, criticize, or tear down
or words that are just plain useless. Rather, we ought to build each other up with words of grace. Words of grace are the right choice of words spoken at the right time with the right spirit. Words of grace minister to others and meet their needs. These words express love, encouragement, acceptance and affirmation. Which of us is not built up in our spirit when we hear genuine words like, "I appreciate you
," "I love you
," "God has used you to minister to me
," "Thank you for your selfless ministry
," "I have noticed the way God is changing this area of your life and I am rejoicing with you about it."
2. "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you" (Eph. 4:32). Genuine love is not easily offended; it does not hold a grudge; it does not place expectation or demands on others; it is not conditional. As those who have received His infinite mercy and kindness, God expects us to extend the same kind of love toward each other. This kind of love puts others first and is clothed in a spirit of humility. "Be ye kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another," "
In lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than themselves" (Rom. 12:10, Phil. 2:4). This kind of love demonstrates the spirit of Christ by seeking for ways to serve others and is willing to be inconvenienced in order to meet the needs of others. "By love serve one another" (Gal. 5:13).
3. "And let us consider one another, to provoke (one another) unto love and to good works
exhorting (encouraging) one another" (Heb. 10:24-25). The Christian life is a battle; it is a race. It is not always easy. Sometimes soldiers get discouraged. Sometimes runners get tired. They need to be encouraged. They need to be cheered on. Paul told the Hebrew Christians, who were suffering persecution and were discouraged, "Let us consider how we can spur one another on to love and serve Christ more faithfully. Let's cheer each other on!"
I remember watching a junior high basketball game one day. The home team was trailing badly. The boys were exhausted and discouraged. But instead of encouraging one another, they began to pick on each other. They began to compete against each other instead of against the other team! We are a team owned, selected, and coached by God Himself. Rather than constantly taking pride in our own achievements, we need to discover ways to stimulate and encourage others to be effective for Christ.
4. "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs
" (Col. 3:16). Every believer needs a personal relationship with the Word of God - not only for his own growth but that he might minister to others as well. Each of us needs the teaching and admonishing ministry of Spirit-filled believers. And each of us must be actively engaged in building the lives of others with the biblical truths that have been "put to work" and validated in our own lives.
Sometimes this means we must be willing to confront a brother or sister with an area of his life that is not in conformity to scripture (Rom. 15:14; Gal. 6:1; Matt. 18:15). Such admonition must always be gentle, loving and humble, recognizing that only the grace of God has given us victory in that particular area. It is not easy to build up one another in this way, for admonition is often painful. But it is also one of the greatest evidences of genuine love. I thank God for those believers who love me enough to point out areas of my life that are not pleasing to Him. Such individuals are essential in helping me to become more like Christ.
5. "Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep
that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it
" (Gal. 6:2; Rom 12:15; I Cor. 12:26). One of the privileges of membership in the Body of Christ is that we need never carry a burden alone. When one of us is hurting, we all suffer together. When my Dad went to heaven, many of God's people shared that burden with me. God used their prayers, tears and words of encouragement to sustain me and remind me of His personal love for me. We must learn how to be sensitive to those who are carrying burdens. We need to practice expressing care and concern through listening, praying, encouraging and whenever possible, shouldering the burden ourselves.
There are many more "one another's" in Scripture. "Speak not evil of another
" (James 4:11); "Grudge not one against another
" (James 5:9); "Confess your faults one to another, and pray for one another, that ye may be healed
" (James 5:16). None of us can become spiritually mature if we are not committed to let others build our lives and to build the lives of those around us.