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Joined: 2004/8/3
Posts: 633

 I want to die

Today, my husband and I went to our church. Our youth pastor is engaged to a girl who lives 4 hours away. She was there today. I asked her where she stays when she comes to town and she said she stays with him. I was speechless.

My husband and I had just scheduled a meeting with our pastor to discuss the fact that he and his wife are the only ones handling the money and how we think that isn't right and we aren't comfortable with that, then I'm bowled over by the realization that something is terribly wrong with the youth pastor spending the night with his girlfriend.

When I told my husband, he just threw up his hands and said, "I'm done!" He doesn't want to deal with all this stuff. He's a new beleiver and he isn't up to all this confrontation.

I'm so disappointed in institutional church. I don't want to live. Dian.

 2007/4/29 13:25Profile

 Re: I want to die

Oh sister! :-( :-o

 2007/4/29 13:33

Joined: 2007/1/31
Posts: 985

 Re: I want to die

I am praying for you, my dear sister
That is very hard to hear, but it is true.

"I'm so disappointed in institutional church. I don't want to live"

Don't give up. God will hear your cry's. I think that is what God wants of us, to hate sin. Praise God He has made your heart sick at sin in the Body. Even so much that your husband threw up. God wants us to seek, Him and live Holy lives. In matthew 5 it say if you have a promble with a brother go and talk with him, if he doesn't listen then tell an elder. But I think it is right you go to him frist, and tell how it dishonoring to God.

Pray for him, Don't give up. Maybe he will trun and confess his sin. SO pray for him. May God have mercy on him.

In his love


 2007/4/29 13:42Profile

Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 9192
Santa Clara, CA

 Re: I want to die

He's a new beleiver and he isn't up to all this confrontation.

Oh my soul ... praying

Praying that the Lord would strengthen you and your husbands resolve even now.

Mike Balog

 2007/4/29 13:43Profile

Joined: 2005/4/8
Posts: 220
New England USA

 Re: I want to die


When I say that I know where you are, please don't take that as I am just trying to make you feel better. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!! I have left church so many mornings in AGONY! My husband is also very, very new in the Lord and he probably has said the same exact words your husband has. Please, ask the Holy Spirit to give you "ears" to hear what I would like to share with you. I pray that you are encoraged and see the Lord at work...yes even in this horrible situation!!

On 9/11/01 the Lord spoke to my heart and said "this is a wake up call to my bride." I relized how lukewarm and backslidden I had become and the grave danger I was in!! I cried out to the Lord and just was so repentant for my sin and the country!! I went to church the following Sunday and expected to find the entire church on their face, repenting and crying out to God. But when I got there, it was business as ususal. I think we sang "God Bless America" or something, but there was hardly even a mention of it. I would go to bible study or "Mom's group" and try to tell people what the Lord was speaking to me, but they seemed so annoyed that I wanted to talk up such things as repenting and drawing closer to the Lord. I once told a close friend that my desire was to draw closer to the Lord, she looked at me like I just told her I was from Mars!!! The closer I drew to Him, the less and less I felt part of the church. It finally came to the point, where I would come to church and in my heart I would cry out "where have you taken my Lord???"

I thought I had totally lost my mind and most people around me would have agreed! But that all changed the day that I opened David Wilkerson's news lettter. It was like finding pure gold!!! Everyting that the Lord was speaking to me in my prayer closet, was confirmed from this pastor over 200 miles away in New York City! I hardly knew anything about David Wilkerson or Times Square Church then, but I knew I was receiving the truth for the first time in a very long time!!

Since 9/11/01, I have been on the never ending journey to find a good church. I have heard every thing from "well if you find the perfect church, it will stop being perfect once you visit" and "pastors are human beings too, they all make mistakes and say the wrong things" but it's kind of ironic that those same people will tell you to obey those very same pastors because they are in authority over you! I am relistic, I know that there is no such thing as the perfect church, but I just want to be in a place where the truth from the WORD OF GOD is preach and where people are living in victory!! Why do we make so many excuses for the Church?!?! Do we not serve a LIVIING GOD who DIED TO SAVE US FROM THE POWER OF SIN AN DEATH AND BRING US INTO NEW LIFE?!?!?

My heart has broke a million times over!! I have felt like an out-cast, weirdo and trouble maker. But when I get alone with God I hear "Precious child, friend of God, robed in My righteousness"

The last time that I had a good crying fit over the condition of the church the Lord comforted my heart and showed me that HE was not sitting up in heaven wrining HIS hands over the condition of the Church, but HE sees it all and HE has a time already set WHEN IT WILL ALL COME TO AN END!!! With the slightest breath from heaven, He will bring the whole things down. He also said that He has given me eyes to see what it happening to pray and interceed because MANY will be crushed when it all comes down. We are not to gossip or criticize, but PRAY for eyes to be open!! Remember Jonah...He wanted judgment to fall, but did not desire that they repent. But the Lord is so merciful and loving that HE was compassionate toward them because they were like cattle. Isn't that a picture of the sick Church?? They are like cattle following hirlings to hell!! Pray and interceed and never lose the compassion of God for lost people!!




 2007/4/29 14:07Profile


Hoping aginst hope that it isn't as bad as it seems... Does the youth pastor live on his own? If he lives with his parents maybe it would be OK for the girl to stay...???

Praying for you, your husband and the church.

Sadly this sort of thing isn't unusual, that's the disturbing thing.


 2007/4/29 14:08

Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 3185


For some odd reason practice what your Preaching comes to mind.

Mr. Bill

 2007/4/29 14:24Profile


Hi Dian and Tina (I thought at first your name was Luke!)

What an awesome testimony! I'm sure it will help many who are almost despairing at the state of their "home church".

Its the feeling of being an outcast that's probably the worst - when you know of no-one who understands, and all the others seem to be saying that you're wrong. The Lord has been gracious to me and given a special friend and prayer partner who understands fully, being basically in the same place.

In 1982/3 the Lord called me out of a denominational church. It was through meeting together with a small group of others who were from different denominations. He called each of us out.

When the last one had come out it was asked in prayer, "What now, Lord? Where shall we go now? The answer came quickly, "GO WHEREVER GOD'S PEOPLE GATHER!"

We are part of the Body whether we like it or not. And only the Lord knows those who are and are not truly His.

Think of Samson! Hardly a good example of a believer! Yet he's in Hebrews 11 as one of the great men of faith!

Not to condone the way he behaved of course, but to look beyond that to what the Lord must have seen in him, even when he was living as he pleased.

Remember too that all who will follow the Lord fully will suffer persecution. And, as with Jesus, the worst persecution usually comes from the religious establishment.

Be as the man born blind, (John 10)and don't keep quiet about who Jesus is and what He has done for you - even if you are "excommunicated" for it, as he was!

Love in Jesus


 2007/4/29 14:26

Joined: 2003/7/31
Posts: 2722
Phoenix, Arizona USA

 Re: I want to die

I'm so disappointed in institutional church. I don't want to live.

I am reminded of something I wrote in the back of my Bible a while back...

Look at people too much, you'll be upset.
Look around too much, you'll be distracted.
Look within too much, you'll be discouraged.
Keep looking to Jesus, you'll be confident and peaceful.

Isaiah 26:3
Hebrews 12:1-2

In Christ,


Ron Halverson

 2007/4/29 15:16Profile

Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 2732


Hold fast Dian. You and your husband's testimony of God's faithfulness is still being written. We are praying for you both.


Mike Compton

 2007/4/29 15:53Profile

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