SermonIndex Audio Sermons
Promoting Genuine Biblical Revival.
Looking for free sermon messages?
Sermon Podcast | Audio | Video

Discussion Forum : Miracles that follow the plow : A broken heart

Print Thread (PDF)

Goto page ( Previous Page 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 Next Page )
PosterThread
John173
Member



Joined: 2007/1/30
Posts: 289
Omaha

 Re:

Dorcas,

[color=000099]I think the big temptation is to hope for a finishing line, which after it is crossed, will spell the end of the struggle.[/color]

This is oh so true. How often I have thought, if I could just...then I would be OK. I have this mental picture of who I want to be (or think I should be) in Christ and tend to berate myself for falling short of this ideal. If I could just be that person...

My tenacious pride causes me to think that with just a little more effort on my part this time around I might actually get there. How foolish. I don't quite comprehend why I have clung to this notion for so long when I know better.

[color=000099]It seems to me that in Jewish culture, there was a line between being a child and a man[/color]

In many ways I feel as though I did not cross that line. I still catch myself stomping my feet like a little boy and angrily crying "that's not fair." Ugh, such confessions hurt to admit. God grant me repentance from such whining.

[color=000099]'It suspends a person in adolescence.'[/color]

This is all too true. The friend I mentioned above has been smoking it his whole life, and at forty years old still has the thought processes of a teenager to some degree. I hate to think of how my growth may have been different had I never touched it myself. At least I know I am forgiven.

[color=000099]Also, I took the advice of Oswald Chambers not to worry about what others might think of my outward appearance - of how far it might fall short of their expectation of Christian behaviour. He said to concentrate on one's inner consistency of relationship with God. I really commend this thought to you.[/color]

Thank you, this really must be my focus. I must also toss aside my own expectations. In many ways I have begun to settle this matter in my heart. I still must do battle with it, but I recognize the pattern sooner and get back on course, that is to say I let go and rest in His grace.

[color=000099]I really hope none of this sounds patronising[/color]

On the contrary, you have been nothing less than a blessing in all you've said.

[color=000099]I found it very challenging, and it brought me to tears.[/color]

I am moved and very thankful that my tale has somehow ministered to others. This is truly humbling.

In His Love,

Doug


_________________
Doug Fussell

 2007/2/11 22:19Profile
ChrisJD
Member



Joined: 2006/2/11
Posts: 2895
Philadelphia PA

 Re:

Jeanette, can so much appreciate and relate to what you shared here...


"The Lord has basically exposed the root motive for joining this and other discussion forums. Pride, yes, but also, it seems, a need to "make my mark" in some way. Especially, on a forum such as this, to demonstrate my knowledge, wisdom and maturity in the Lord. To gain respect of others, to be listened to instead of being ignored."


Had a similar experience right around the time I joined the forums, one year ago today, if I'm not mistaken. Here's a sort of record of it that I posted here on the forums


[url=http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=9686&forum=35&4]Covetousness(My Own)[/url]

During this time as I was seeking to share the Gospel as much as possible I was also noticing all sorts of rotten motives surfacing. Still do. At the same time have been dealing with a mysterious pain and in and through it all am believing that this is God's way of dealing with all of this in me.

At the same time, I feel like God is taking me to depths I've never even thought of. I want to be real sister. If there is one thing I believe our God hates it is hypocrisy. I want to be real, through and through and through. At the same time I can still see in myself so much that is false false false! It stinks.



I feel like God has given me some deep deep things and yet I lack the substance of those very things?! It's like being able to paint an ocean but never being able to sink into its depths.

Something which a brother gave me right as I was entering all this was a verse from Job:


[i] But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.[/i]

Amen.


_________________
Christopher Joel Dandrow

 2007/2/11 23:07Profile
Goldminer
Member



Joined: 2006/11/7
Posts: 1178
Alabama

 Re: A broken heart

Dear Doug,

I must say this is probably the most incredible thread I have read so far. The honesty exhibited by precious members breaks my heart. Your testimony and LittleGift's, oh my. These are both things to spend much time and prayer applying to my own life.

I have been saved for since 1976 and for all that time I felt I followed hard after the Lord. I'm sure that was part of my difficulty, "I" followed hard after the Lord. I had a few issues along the way, but I wasn't like most guys, at least not in my own brain.

Well last year I went through a period where the "tiny" sins that I did and repented of took a strong grip upon my life. I blatantly did these things, although nobody around me would have known it, except my attitude began to stink at times. But what happened is I lost that tangible awareness of His presence. One day I realized just how far I had slipped and it had taken me unawares. I began to seek God again and couldn't find Him. I wept and thought of my self as Esau who had sold his birthright for a plate of stew. I had the verse come before me about it being almost impossible for those who had tasted the good things of God to be restored if the trample under foot the blood of Christ. I experienced the dark night of the soul and feared there was no remedy for me.

I begged and cried, repented and repented some more and began to saturated myself in His word and worship and little by little He began to reveal to my heart the "small" places of rebellion I had succumbed to all along in my Christian walk. They seemed very small at first and even at times seem justified because of circumstances in my life. I saw that that thread was woven into everything. There were several areas and I'll tell you one. I would spend money here and there and not share that with my spouse, I could hide it ways, not big money, never big money. However it's the little foxes that spoil the vine. There were other areas as well more personal that I won't go into specifically. Just know that I came to realize that it all came to a head because of little rebellions along the long way of my walk.

I feel part of the problem was because the road had been so long and difficult and I grew weary of the journey and so I just gave into my sinful ways more fully.

I am happy to say that in my despair I came to the place where I knew that even though I had walked a long time and did adhere to God's ways more than many, it wasn't good enough. I could never be good enough in myself. I acknowledged I was destitute of any ability to help myself and with the acknowledging I was set free.

My joy and wareness of God has returned. I find myself all by myself smiling and rejoicing over the littlest things. Truly He gives us beauty for ashes and the oil joy for morning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

I have also learned that little sins or compromises are rebellion and with God nothing is little. It is just too bad that it took over thirty years to learn. But then the steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord and maybe I couldn't have learned it until now.

Know this Bro. Doug, He who began a good work in you will complete it. Rejoice that He has given you a woman who loves you. Know that He will bring it all together for His purpose and plan in His perfect timing.

I will pray for you and your wife. Again thanks to you and to the others who shared so honestly, especially LittleGift. It has given me the boldness to confess my sins to you that I might be healed.


_________________
KLC

 2007/2/11 23:23Profile
John173
Member



Joined: 2007/1/30
Posts: 289
Omaha

 Re: A broken heart

Dear Saints,

I must skip the personal replies to all this for the moment. I have been shown a deep root to my difficulties with my walk and wanted to share it as it seems many of us are going through similar dealings.

I am angry with the Lord! This morning I had to forgive Him. This is a very strange concept, as forgiveness is what we must do when we are sinned against, and God cannot sin. However, forgiveness is more a matter of our perception of anothers actions toward us. It is the method we must use to remove bitterness. Forgive us our debts as we forgive those who are indebted to us. This connotes a sense of "them" owing us retribution.

I come from a highly succesful family. Mom and Dad have masters degrees, sister has BA plus some secondary degree in Christian ed. Step sisters (3) all college grads, most of them (incl blood relatives) had near 4.0 gpas throughout school. I was blessed with the same dna that enabled these marks. My IQ is in the 135-140 range. Oh how great in the kingdom of God I should be! This is the pathetic pride of my turmoiled soul at work.

The reality is that I tested out of H.S. I was a fast food specialist, stoner, truck driver etc. All things that fall way short of my high and mighty potential. Why won't you raise me up into leadership O God? I have such great and marvelous insights into the kingdom! Do you not see how valuable I would be to the body? This reasoning in my subconcious pride produced a deep bitterness in me against God. It is to erradicate this bitterness that I must therefore forgive Him. Not due His sin (I tremble to even put those words together) but for my own sin in this anger, bitterness and rebellion.

God have mercy on me. Break me of this horrid, wretched pride. Grant that I would have the humility of genuine thanksgiving, for You have never let go of my hand in spite of the depths of my sin against You. Truly Your grace is amazing.

I humbly offer these thoughts to you all, pray for me please. This is very difficult to admit to myself. Yet I feel hope stirring in my heart as a result of baring this wretchedness to you all, my faithful and beautiful brethren.

In His Love and by His Grace,

Doug

Ugh, this is ugliness of the worst kind. No wonder I have needed to be broken.


_________________
Doug Fussell

 2007/2/12 9:40Profile
death2self
Member



Joined: 2006/9/28
Posts: 192
Washington DC area

 Re:

Praise God Doug for your honesty,

It's the blood of Jesus that can break this prideful heart. That's been the only hope of mine as the Holy Spirit has shown me the depths of pride in my own heart. The devil will tempt you to run for a fig leaf of some sort and hide in despair, discouragement and unbelief.

Trust in Jesus Doug, He will purge this pride from your heart. He is faithful to do it. Praise God he has given you eyes to see. Do you know what a blessing that is my brother?


_________________
Ed Pugh

 2007/2/12 11:25Profile









 Re:

Slavyan said:

Quote:
...Remember that you cannot be saved by anything that you do, but by faith alone--and again I say, by faith in Christ alone-- like a little, helpless child...



[b]A pattern is beginning to emerge, more and more. As Jesus said, "unless you become as little children..." The Kingdom is lost to us (we may still be "saved" but we will not be able to operate in the good of it). That child-like trust and helplessness that overturns the sin of Eden. Not helplessness alone, or we despair, but that childlike trust... The Lord wants to deal with the "old Adam", and this was the sin of Adam, working from his own strength, independence instead of dependance on God.


Mmmm is that one of the reasons Jesus had to come first as a helpless baby, to show how its done from the beginning of life?

And not only to show but so that the same thing could be actually [i]wrought [/i]in us, in Him

But how hard we find it to come there!

This is the "letting go" that is required of us, this is the essential "death to self"...

And part of that letting go and that trusting is in trusting Him to [i]work[/i] this trust in us, that we can't attain to by ourselves!

Don't know if that makes sense but it makse sense to me as if it were totally new - fresh minted revelation.

Strange how that happens, even with truths one knows so well in theory, they suddenly come alive as if never heard before.

This is a bit rambling but I don't care any more!

What a blessing this thread is!!!


Jeannette [/b]

 2007/2/12 19:29









 Re: woundings

Quote:

crsschk wrote:
Quote:
Think you are in wonderfully safe surroundings here with this


[b] I know.

[/b]

 2007/2/12 19:55









 Re:

Quote:

John173 wrote:
Just a quick thank you to all who have responded. I never anticipated the affect my post would have. Each one of you has given some insight to my walk.

It is my inention to post seperate responses to each of you individually. This may take some time, so if I don't get to you, please know that I simply ran out of time and will get back at it when I can. Tomorrow will be a busy day so be patient!

In His Love,

Doug

[b]Thank you Doug. Your original message, written out of your own pain and perplexity, has caused so much of the Lord's healing balm to flow out to all. Like the alabaster vase of ointment that was broken, and the perfume filled the house.

Because the heart that was broken was poured out firstly at HIS feet, not ours.

Love in Him

Jeannette [/b]

 2007/2/12 20:03









 Re:

Quote:

John173 wrote:
Death2self,
...[color=000099]as you allow Him to deal honestly with your own heart[/color]

This is the hardest part of all. I think we humans have a high resistance to truly accepting our utter wretchedness. While I can theologically believe that I can do nothing apart from Him, or tell myself that I am not putting any more confidence in the flesh. It requires true brokenness for us to come to terms with this reality. Highly uncomfortable and resulting in some agonizing times of prayer. This is the current state of my walk.

[color=000099]It's good to hear that you won't move forward until you hear from God.[/color]

I honestly don't feel that I have a choice in this regard. As I look back I can see too many times when I did not wait to hear from Him and leaned on my own understanding instead. Almost without fail this led me down the wrong avenue.
[b][color=993300]Been there, done that! [/color][/b]
[color=000099]the discouragement you often experience could very well be the fruit of rebellion. Whenever rebellion rises in my own heart and I come into agreement with it, then I'm extraordinarily discouraged. Unbelief almost always follows rebellion. So if we deal honestly with God about the rebellion, then the unbelief will go away.[/color]

This is a tough one to swallow. I would rather lay the blame elsewhere, or at least come up with a kinder gentler term! Unfortunately you have hit home. Whatever term I use, I find myself at times resisting or rejecting His guidance, call, or nudging. This does indeed lead to unrest in my soul, which in turn creates disillusionment and ultimately discouragement. Pride comes before a fall, and pride is the root of rebellion.

[b][color=993300]There's also the kind of unrest that comes from the Lord's "wrestling" with us, which isn't unnecessary a bad or wrong thing - its different from deliberate rebellion. To me it sometimes feels like the dentist is trying to pull a stubborn tooth. I want to co-operate, and resist the urge to jump out of the chair, but it isn't a comfortable experience!

Rebellion would be avoiding the dentist, and trying to pretend the tooth isn't aching; or running away in the middle of treatment. [/color][/b]

 2007/2/12 20:19









 Re: Honesty

Quote:

ChrisJD wrote:
Jeanette, can so much appreciate and relate to what you shared here...

"The Lord has basically exposed the root motive for joining this and other discussion forums. Pride, yes, but also, it seems, a need to "make my mark" in some way. Especially, on a forum such as this, to demonstrate my knowledge, wisdom and maturity in the Lord. To gain respect of others, to be listened to instead of being ignored."

Had a similar experience right around the time I joined the forums, one year ago today, if I'm not mistaken. Here's a sort of record of it that I posted here on the forums

[url=http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=9686&forum=35&4]Covetousness(My Own)[/url]
During this time as I was seeking to share the Gospel as much as possible I was also noticing all sorts of rotten motives surfacing. Still do. At the same time have been dealing with a mysterious pain and in and through it all am believing that this is God's way of dealing with all of this in me.

At the same time, I feel like God is taking me to depths I've never even thought of. I want to be real sister. If there is one thing I believe our God hates it is hypocrisy. I want to be real, through and through and through. At the same time I can still see in myself so much that is false false false! It stinks.

I feel like God has given me some deep deep things and yet I lack the substance of those very things?! It's like being able to paint an ocean but never being able to sink into its depths.

Something which a brother gave me right as I was entering all this was a verse from Job:

[i] But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.[/i]

Amen.

[b][color=000066] I believe that, for many of us, what is being challenged in this thread is the nature of our deeds. Salvation is not in doubt, but how are we following? How are we serving? Are we "doing Truth", will what we do stand the test of 1Corinthians 3:11f

[i]"For no other foundation can any one lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if any one builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— 13 each man’s work will become manifest; for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. 14 If the work which any man has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. 15 If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire."[/color][/b][/i]

[b][color=000066]There is no condemnation, and no need to fear this; but the Lord is searching our hearts and and bringing the Light there in a new way

John 3:20 "For every one who does evil hates the light, and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. 21 But [i][u]he who does what is true comes to the light[/u][/i], that it may be clearly seen that his deeds have been wrought in God.

We may find the Light difficult to bear sometimes, but we are not as creatures of darkness that try desperately to escape when you turn over a stone, lest the light destroy them!

in Him

Jeannette [/color][/b]

 2007/2/12 20:42





©2002-2019 SermonIndex.net
Promoting Genuine Biblical Revival.
Privacy Policy