I've started to get involved in some of the posting going on here (although I have been reading posts and visiting this site for a year and a half), so I figured I would introduce myself and speak of some of the things going on in my life.
My name is Kevin Day and I am a senior at the University of Michigan. I grew up in a Christian home, but it was not until half-way through my freshman year of college when I realized that my lifestyle kept leaving me empty, and that I needed something more. I never got down and prayed a prayer, but God honored my heart and started working.
I was (and still am) quite involved with Campus Crusade for Christ at U of M. While I do have many, many issues with the workings of this group, I know God has me there to emphasize the forgotten doctrines of repentence, hell, prayer, and the Holy Spirit.
The same problems I see with Crusade are the same problems I almost immediately noticed with American Christianity. When I started to read through the Bible, I was overwhelmed by the huge differences between the early church and this one. Unfortunately, this observation led me to put a lot of trust in guys like Benny Hinn that appear to be opperating with power.
A friend of mine led me to the revival hymm on this website. I searched around quite a bit to find out who that guy was with the accent that said, " Tell me, what on earth are you saved from." The preaching of Leonard Ravenhill, and others on this site has rescued me from that miracle seeking prosperity gospel I used to put trust in. For that, I am truly greatful.
I am currently really struggling to find motivation (especially for my walk with God). I think the reason has to do with my father who just passed away a little over 3 months ago.
For 3 years, I had been battling on my knees for the life of my dad. About 2 and a half years ago, at one of my weakest points I yelled out to God and said, "WHAT AM IS SUPPOSED TO BELIVE ABOUT MY DAD!" I immediately opened up my Bible to psalm 91 which hit me like a ton of bricks. The whole chapter was an encouragement to me, but the last few verses jumped off the screen at me:
14"Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation.
God continued speaking to me that whole month until I had no doubt in my mind that it was His will to heal my father. I told almost everyone I knew of would meet. Through the next 2 and a half years my dad was told on 5 seperate occasions that he had less that 24 hours to live. He would usually refuse further medical treatment at this point. Me and my family and some of my other brothers and sisters in Christ would then always proceed to battle on our knees for my dad's life. 4 out of 5 times God miraculously rescued him from death.
The biggest frustration and source of confusion for me now, is why not the 5th time. I know many of you know with clarity when it is God who speaks to you. I have never believed I have heard God more clearly about the healing of my dad. I still have no doubt that I heard right.
Of course, my dad did recieve full healing - he was an amazing man and a follower of Christ. Because of that I can rejoice. But still, my convictions were so strong about his physical healing. This verse is interesting to me, and I am still not completely sure what it means, or if it applies here:
"These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."
Was this promise deferred? If so, doesn't that make a promise of God somewhat trivial. Did I mishear? Maybe, but I don't believe I have ever heard more clearly.
Anyways, I think this whole thing could be why I lack so much motivation right now. 3 years of the most intense trial of my faith, and it seems to have resulted in an unanswered prayer.
Anyways, I am sorry I wrote so much. Somtimes it is really hard for me to open up, so I decided to just get it out there. Feel free to say prayer for me to be lifted up in strength from this difficult time.
I love it here! You guys encourage me and have really facilitated my walk with the Lord. I look foward to knowing you all better!