SermonIndex Audio Sermons
Promoting Genuine Biblical Revival.
Looking for free sermon messages?
Sermon Podcast | Audio | Video

Discussion Forum : General Topics : About sex

Print Thread (PDF)

Goto page ( 1 | 2 | 3 Next Page )

Joined: 2006/1/31
Posts: 4991

 About sex

i just have some questions about sex.. im married and so on, i know its god to have sex whit your wife or husband and that its holy in gods eyes... but i know all that this wicked generation has mixed in whit sex cant be of god..but where is the line to be drawn? what kind of things can a married couple do? i do belive that if you have some wips and have sex games and so on that probaly there is something wrong becuse thats just not godly,
someone said as long as it feels good its ok... but a needle whit heroin "feels good" to, that dont make it right. Now i dont have any desire or lusts to have any wierd form of sex...but were should we as gods children draw the line? what is ok in the married christian bed?

gods peace to you


 2006/7/14 15:31Profile

Joined: 2005/7/3
Posts: 233
Lancashire, England

 Re: About sex

someone said as long as it feels good its ok

I think that was Oscar Wilde that promoted that idea and he was a bisexual and amoral so i dont think we should follow his lead.

matt and mim


 2006/7/14 16:09Profile

Joined: 2003/7/31
Posts: 2722
Phoenix, Arizona USA

 Re: About sex

I went through all this and all I can say brother is that if you have to ask about it here then most likely the Spirit has already convicted you about something that needs to go. The Lord cares for you and he cares about [i]every[/i] area of your life. Just obey and walk with a clear conscience. Here is something that you might want to listen to:

[url=]A Clear Conscience by Zac Poonen[/url]

In Christ,


Ron Halverson

 2006/7/14 16:10Profile

Joined: 2006/7/15
Posts: 4

 Re: About sex

I think,that only Lord can answer on that question,about sex.


 2006/7/16 7:56Profile

 Re: About sex

Stever responds to Christian:

What kind of sex should Chritian believers have with their beloved wives?

Websters 1828 Dictionary tells us that the believers marriage bed is “undefiled”:

“MAR'RIAGE, n. [L.mas, maris.] The act of uniting a man and woman for life; wedlock; the legal union of a man and woman for life. Marriage is a contract both civil and religious, by which the parties engage to live together in mutual affection and fidelity, till death shall separate them. Marriage was instituted by God himself for the purpose of preventing the promiscuous intercourse of the sexes, for promoting domestic felicity,and for securing the maintenance and education of children.

Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled. Heb.13.

1. A feast made on the occasion of a marriage.
The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king, who made a marriage for his son. Matt.22.
2. In a scriptural sense, the union between Christ and his church by the covenant of grace. Rev.19.

We know for sure that it should not include sodomy. Sodomy is an abomination in God’s eyes.

We also know that it should not include drugs or alcohol:

Gal 5:20 Sorcery/witchcraft, is from the Greek word, "Pharmakia" the same word we get pharmacy from. it means the general illicit use of drugs (the same application as today) and the use of drugs to cast spells etc.

Question: "Who are the two drug dealers of the Bible?" Elymas and Simon: Acts 13:6 ; Acts 8:9
Notice this is illustrative of what Gal 5:20 condemns. These men, called sorcerers, magicians, witchcraft.

Harper’s bible dictionary says: "On the lowest level were the ‘imposters’ (2 Tim. 3:13) who played their tricks as do circus magicians today. Between these were the sorcerers, enchanters, and charmers who could cast spells and knew how to use herbs, potions, and drugs."

W. E. Vine says, "In sorcery, the use of drugs, whether simple or potent, was generally accompanied by incantations and appeals to occult powers, with the provision of various charms, amulets, etc., professedly designed to keep the applicant or patient from the attention and power of demons, but actually to impress the applicant with the mysterious resources and powers of the sorcerer."

So like a witch that stirs her pot of secret brewing herbs, who then takes a small bottle of the potion and gives it to someone, so too with Elymas and Simon. The witch was a drug dealer. Simon would give hallucinogen drugs like "THC" (cannabis) "Psylocibin" or "Cybelcyblin" (magic mushroom) "Cocaine", "Heroin" (poppy plant) to someone, wait a few minutes then as the drug starts to set in, start waving his hands around giving the impression that HIS POWER is causing all the pink elephants to fly.

Question: "Where in the Bible was Jesus offered drugs and refused?": on the cross "Gall" Mt 27:34

The Jerome Bible commentary says at Mt 27:34: "It was the practice of Jewish Bible commentary says at Mt 27:34: "It was the practice of Jewish women to offer a strong narcotic drink to men condemned to execution; Jesus refused this."

Matthew Henry comments: "By the drink they provided for him before he was nailed to the cross, v. 34. It was usual to have a cup of spiced wine for those to drink of, that were to be put to death, according to Solomon’s direction (Prov. 31:6, 7), Give strong drink to him that is ready to perish"

Lensky says at Mt 27:34, "34) Regarding the actual crucifixion Matthew and Mark report only the offer of doped wine which Jesus refused. Matthew calls it wine mixed with Gall. This was not actual gall, but the drink was so called because of its bitter taste. Mark reports that the drink was wine mixed with myrrh, and this tells us what the bitter substance was. Myrrh was added to the wine in order to give it a stupefying effect. This was not an evidence of mercy on the part of the executioners; it was quite the opposite, for it was intended to make their labor of crucifying easier. A man who had been heavily doped with this drink could be easily handled. After one taste of this Jesus refused to drink more of this stupefying drink, and the imperfect [Greek] reads as though he was repeatedly urged to drink and as repeatedly refused. He intended to go through the final ordeal with a perfectly clear mind; he intended to endure all without avoiding a single agony. After a generous drink of this wine Jesus could not have spoken as he did and made his death what it was.

Question: "Where in the Bible was a preacher ordered by God to drink alcohol?": Timothy the evangelist: 1 Tim 5:23 But notice that was for medical reasons. This verse proves that Timothy was in fact an abstainer, otherwise, he would already have been drinking wine... God had to tell him to stop being an abstainer for his health.

Illicit drugs destroy the body and are condemned: 1 Cor 3:16; 6:19.

Illicit drugs are condemned because its fruit is rotten. Matthew 7:17.

Frequent drug users are losers with messed up lives constantly shooting themselves in the foot. Eventual loss of family, wealth, jobs, friends and life itself. Drug users are associated with biker gangs, going to bars, immoral sexual activity, illegal activity. Successful people do not use drugs. Take a look at the people who use drugs and line them up with people who do not... big difference! Look at the lives of 5 people you know who use drugs. Generally they have many chums, but few close friends, high rate of changing jobs and are often unemployed, are absentee parents who party all night while their teens are left home unsupervised, are irrational in their logic and thinking pattern being plagued with poor judgement. They have many sexual partners, are often unfaithful to their spouses and are violent and irrational with their children. They tend to be selfish and unable to exercise self control in any area of their lives. When confronted with such facts, they simply deny the truth and accuse you of being crazy, when in fact they are the crazy ones. They are hurting and unhappy but they don’t know why... just as the Bible says:

Proverbs 4:18 perfectly describes the difference between drug users and Christians who do not: "But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, That shines brighter and brighter until the full day. The way of the wicked is like darkness; They do not know over what they stumble."

Drug use is outright condemned in the Bible: Gal 5:20.

If you were to draw a chart with the effects of one to 7 beers, where will the drunkeness start?The law (where I live) is 2 beers in one hour exceeds .08. Then extend the chart to the right for other drugs. Since drunkenness from alcohol is condemned in the Bible (Gal 5:21) I offer the following: Society has determined that drunkenness is .08 blood alcohol content, compare the same kind of impairment by various drugs. If two beers is .08, what about a single joint, a hit of ecstasy, a single mushroom, a single snort of coke. While you can drink one beer and not be DRUNK, one "dose" (the smallest portion) of a drug puts you way over the impairment of .08. So while some might argue that it is ok for one beer, no such argument can be made for drugs.

Notice that any drug use exceeds the line of drunkenness of the Bible!


In conclusion, the Christian believer should approach sex the same way the Bible teaches the believer to take care of his own body. Also, the believer should refrain from all of the sexual perversions mentioned in the Bible.

God bless,

Stever :-D


hmmhmm wrote:
i just have some questions about sex.. im married and so on, i know its god to have sex whit your wife or husband and that its holy in gods eyes... but i know all that this wicked generation has mixed in whit sex cant be of god..but where is the line to be drawn? what kind of things can a married couple do? i do belive that if you have some wips and have sex games and so on that probaly there is something wrong becuse thats just not godly,
someone said as long as it feels good its ok... but a needle whit heroin "feels good" to, that dont make it right. Now i dont have any desire or lusts to have any wierd form of sex...but were should we as gods children draw the line? what is ok in the married christian bed?

gods peace to you

 2006/7/16 14:07

Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7431

 Re: About sex

Oral sex is gross, unnatural and demeaning to women. God did not plan for people to engage in such gross behaviors.

Sandra Miller

 2006/7/16 19:01Profile

Joined: 2002/12/11
Posts: 36863
"Pilgrim and Sojourner." - 1 Peter 2:11


I am sure there are many sickly perversions being committed within marriages. If we are watching and copying the ways of the world we are being like the world, those that are being condemned and going to Hell if they do not repent. We need to be pure, undefiled, set apart. May God speak purity into many marriages and marriage beds.

Surely this union between marriage couples can become a idol. The idea of people getting married within a christian context even just to have sex is perverse and wrong. We should get married on the basis to want to serve and follow God together and glorify Him.

SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2006/7/16 19:10Profile

Joined: 2002/12/11
Posts: 36863
"Pilgrim and Sojourner." - 1 Peter 2:11


"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come,...." - [b]2 Timothy 3:1[/b]

"...lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God." - [b]2 Timothy 3:4[/b]

SI Moderator - Greg Gordon

 2006/7/16 19:13Profile

Joined: 2004/7/29
Posts: 204
Jacksonville. Florida

 Re: How Sex Points Us to God

How Sex Points Us to God

Believe it or not, making love with your spouse is a spiritual—as well as a physical—exercise.
By Gary Thomas

I was in junior high, walking toward a group of buddies, when my best friend came out of the circle and stopped me.

"No," he said. "You don't want this."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, hurt that this guy, of all people, would spurn me.

I learned that my friend was keeping me from a book that was making the rounds. It had something to do with sex—complete with pictures—and the dog-eared corners attested to its being quickly stashed under mattresses in numerous adolescent occupied homes.

Most of us are introduced to sex in shameful ways. The viewing of "dirty" books or the experience of sexual abuse at the hands of an older person often usher us prematurely into the world of sexual knowledge. The natural result is that most of us have to overcome deep-seated anxieties about sex. Many Christians don't see sex as a gift for which to be thankful, but as a guilt-ridden burden to be borne. And naturally, anything so intimately connected with guilt is difficult to view as a ladder to the holy.

Yet most married Christians know that sexual intimacy can produce moments of sheer transcendence—brief, sunset-like glimpses of eternity. On the underside of ecstasy we catch the shadow of a profound spiritual truth: Sex turns us toward God.

Christian spirituality serves us in at least three ways regarding sex: It teaches us the goodness of sex while reminding us that there are things more important. It allows us to experience pleasure without making pleasure the idol of our existence. It teaches us that sex can certainly season our lives but also reminds us that sex will never fully nourish our souls.

It might sound shocking, but it's true: God doesn't avert his eyes when a married couple goes to bed. It stands to reason, then, that we shouldn't turn our eyes from God when we share intimate moments with our spouse.

Spiritually meaningful sex

To appreciate how sex points us to God, it may help to understand how the ancient Jews viewed sex. The Holy Letter (written by Nahmanides in the thirteenth century) sees sex as a mystical experience of meeting with God: "Through the act [of intercourse] they become partners with God in the act of creation. This is the mystery of what the sages said, 'When a man unites with his wife in holiness, the Shekinah is between them in the mystery of man and woman.'" The breadth of this statement is sobering when you consider that this shekinah glory is the same presence Moses experienced when God met with him face-to-face (Exodus 24:15-18).

To use our sexuality as a spiritual discipline—to integrate our faith and flesh, so to speak—it's imperative that we understand this: God made flesh, and with it, some amazing sensations.

While the male sexual organ has multiple functions, the female clitoris has just one—sexual pleasure. By design, God created a bodily organ that has no other purpose than to provide women with sexual ecstasy. This was God's idea. And God called every bit of his creation "very good" (Genesis 1:31).

Betsy Ricucci has approached this issue from a feminine perspective: "Within the context of covenant love and mutual service, intimacy should be exhilarating (Proverbs 5:19, NASB)…Believe it or not, we glorify God by cultivating a sexual desire for our husbands and by welcoming their sexual desire for us."

Here are six ways we glorify God through pursuing intimacy with our spouse.

1. Replace guilt with gratitude
In his book Music Through the Eyes of Faith, Harold Best tells the true story of a young man who became heavily involved in a satanic cult that developed an elaborate liturgy focusing on the compositions of Johann Sebastian Bach.

The young man later became a Christian and started attending worship services. Everything went well until the church organist belted out a piece composed by Bach. The young believer was overcome by fear and fled the sanctuary.

Best writes that Bach's work "represents some of the noblest music for Christian worship. To this young man, however, it…epitomized all that was evil, horrible, and anti-Christian."

Sex is that way for some Christians. Past associations and guilt feelings have created severe spiritual roadblocks. Christians try hard not to believe that sex is inherently evil, but because of previous negative experiences, for many it certainly feels evil.

Sex cannot pay spiritual dividends if its currency is shrouded in unfounded guilt. Gratitude to God for this amazing experience is essential.

It took me awhile to realize I was inadvertently insulting God by my hesitation to accept the holiness of sex. What kind of God am I imagining if I can allow pain—such as fasting—but not pleasure to reveal God's presence in my life? Instead of being suspicious of pleasure and the physical and spiritual intimacy that comes from being with my wife, I need to adopt an attitude of profound gratefulness and awe.

If guilt rather than gratitude casts a shadow over your experience of sex, practice thanking God for what sex involves. For instance, a woman could pray, quite explicitly—but in all holiness—"God, thank you that it feels enticing when my husband caresses my breasts." Couples can even pray together, thanking God for the pleasure surrounding marital consummation. This simple thanksgiving can sanctify an act that all-too-many Christians divorce from their spiritual life.

2. View your spouse as more than a lover
While physical pleasure is good and acceptable, sex also speaks of spiritual realities far more profound.

When the apostle Paul tells us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19), the significance of sex takes on an entirely new meaning. What a woman is allowing inside her, what a man is willingly entering—in a Christian marriage, these are sanctified bodies in which God is present through his Holy Spirit.

If Paul tells us that a man is not to join himself to a prostitute because his body is a holy temple—that is, if we are to use such imagery to avoid sinning—can a Christian not use the same imagery to be drawn into God's presence in a unique way as he joins his body with his wife? Isn't he somehow entering God's temple—knocking on the door of shekinah glory? And isn't this a tacit encouragement to perhaps even think about God as your body is joined with your spouse?
The deeply physical and fleshly experience of sex can be enjoyed without guilt, but there is an even deeper spiritual fulfillment when a man and woman engage in sexual relations. Don't reduce sex to either a physical or spiritual experience. It is both—profoundly so.

3. Reconcile the power of sex
Sex is not a physical need in the same way that food is. But it is certainly a physiological drive. It is predictable, and it is physical as well as emotional. Most important, this physical desire—which feels like a need—that a man and woman have for each other is there by God's design. We can use this sense of need as a way to grow as servants of each other.

The truth is, without this physiological drive many couples would slowly drift apart. We are by nature selfish beings who hide from each other. Maintaining a steady pursuit toward and empathy for another human being goes against our sinful, egocentric bent. By creating a physical desire, God invites us to share, connect with, and enter the life and soul of another human being in a profound way.

4. Gaining God's view of beauty
I won't deny that one of the reasons I was first attracted to Lisa was because she looked good.
But the Christian duty of married men is to reverse this propensity and make the "role of the eye in sexuality" less important. Sight will always matter to men—that's how God wired us—but we can become mature in what we long to see.

Appetites can be cultivated. Different cultures enjoy different foods because the inhabitants have eaten such foods all their lives. My kids would wrinkle their noses at rice for breakfast; in China, children would look askew at a bowl of Cheerios.

The same principle holds true for taste in sexual desirability. Different eras appreciate different shapes in women. While today's supermodels lean toward waifishness, an old Sanskrit word (gajagamini) describing the then-ideal of female beauty in ancient India is literally translated "woman who has the gait of an elephant."

A godly marriage shapes our view of beauty to focus on internal qualities. Although beauty is wonderful, it isn't the only—or even the highest—value when we seek Christian marriage.

This isn't to suggest that either men or women should shun the care of their physical bodies. Keeping a good shape is a gift we can give our spouse. But so is the grace of acceptance, recognizing that age and (in the case of women) childbearing eventually reshape every body.

If my acceptance of my wife is based only on her outward appearance rather than on her inner qualities, time will slowly but surely erode my affection.

Married sexuality helps form us spiritually by shaping what we value and hold in high esteem. With God's Spirit within us, we can become enamored with the things that enamor God.

By denying myself errant appetites and by meditating and feeding on the right things—including being "captivated" by my wife's love—I train myself to desire only what is proper. This doesn't mean I can't appreciate another person's beauty. It does mean I can see without wanting to enter into a sexually or emotionally inappropriate relationship.

5. Give what you have
Do you remember the first time you saw your spouse naked? Some good friends of mine tried to "ease into it" on their wedding night. They decided to take a shower together, with the lights out.

Unfortunately, the tub began to overflow. Much to their chagrin, they were forced to turn on the lights and start mopping up in the nude. Their "twilight transition" turned into a spotlight extravaganza!

It's one thing to stand naked and relatively trim in front of your partner in your early twenties. But what about after the wife has given birth to a child (or two or three), and the husband's metabolism has slowed down, depositing "love handles" around his waist?

Continuing to give your body to your spouse even when you believe it constitutes "damage goods" can be tremendously rewarding spiritually. It engenders humility, service, and an other-centered focus, as well as hammering home a powerful spiritual principle: Give what you have.
By no means am I suggesting that it's easy to give, but I am saying it's worthwhile. It's rewarding to say, "I'm willing to give you my best, even if I don't think my best is all that great."

So many people fail to give God or others anything simply because they can't give everything. Learn to take small steps of obedience toward God—offering what you have, with all its blemishes and limitations.

6. Live with passion
>Just as love expands us, so passion can as well. A man who's passionate about his wife can be passionate about justice, about God's kingdom, about his children, about the environment. On the flip side, if he's facing serious sexual problems within his marriage, frustration and a certain despondency is liable to settle like a cloud over his work, his faith, and his friendships.

Our passions make us come alive. While we often fear our passions because they can carry us into an affair, a fight, or some other destructive behavior, the solution is not living a less passionate life but finding the right things to be passionate about.

That's what marriage teaches us to do. Some people make the mistake of believing that because they've been burned by their passions and their sexual hunger, the antidote is to completely cut it off. They do to sex what an anorexic does to food: "I don't want to overeat and become fat, so I won't eat at all." This isn't a healthy attitude.

The healthy life is a life of saying yes and no. I travel a lot, so there are many times when my wife and I must fast from sexual expression. Couples with younger kids, particularly babies, soon learn that they can no longer express themselves sexually whenever they get the inclination. At other seasons, our spouse may be ill or worn-out, and it would be unkind to place sexual expectations on her. In such situations, sexual fasting is appropriate and necessary.
But times of "feasting" are also necessary. In fact, every "no" we say to sex should be placed in the context of a corresponding "yes."

Abstinence isn't a dead end; it's a long on-ramp. My denial of sexual expression when I'm apart from my wife is empowered by what the future holds when I get home. I'm not saying no, but rather, wait, channeling desire into the proper place.

I don't want to over-spiritualize this. We don't always have to think "spiritual" thoughts when we're enjoying sex. Passion calls us to enter fully into life. Passion is at the heart of the Sabbath commandment, which has two sides: Work hard, then rest well. Both are necessary for a meaningful life. At times, sex will have distinctly spiritual overtones; at other times, it will be a celebration of physical pleasure. Both are holy within marriage.

It may take some couples many months to be comfortable viewing their sexual intimacy as a form of spiritual expression, faith, and maturity. Unfortunately, while Christians should be leading the way in this regard, adherents of other faiths have preceded us. There are numerous books today that seek to integrate Eastern philosophy and Tantric spirituality with sexuality, but in most cases these books use spirituality to heighten physical sensations. We're suggesting precisely the opposite—that the physical sensations can heighten our spiritual sensitivities.

The Christian worldview doesn't disparage the physical; it embraces it. But in doing so, it reminds us that there are higher values than physical pleasure—that this world is passing away, and true joy and fulfillment can be found only in a relationship with God and in holy fellowship with his children.

To embrace fully marital sexuality and all that God designed it for, couples must bring their Christianity into bed and break down the wall between their physical and spiritual intimacy.
Sex is about physical touch, to be sure, but it's about far more than physical touch. It's about what's going on inside us. Developing a fulfilling sex life means I concern myself more with bringing generosity and service to bed than with bringing a washboard abdomen. It means I see my wife as a holy temple of God, not just as a tantalizing human body. It even means that sex becomes a form of physical prayer—a picture of a heavenly intimacy that rivals the shekinah glory of old.

Our God, who is spirit (John 4:24), can be found behind the very physical panting, sweating, and pleasurable entangling of limbs and body parts. He doesn't turn away.

He wants us to run into sex, but to do so with his presence, priorities, and virtues marking our pursuit. If we experience sex in this way, we'll be transformed in the marriage bed every bit as much as we're transformed on our knees in prayer.

Garty Thomas Adapted from [i]Sacred Marriage[/i]

Here is another place for biblical resourse on your question... [url=]Christianity Today-Marriage Partnership- Real Sex[/url]

And ginnyrose, Dear One read on about ...[url=]Oral Sex[/url]
Also many recently published marriage development resourses ( [i]A Convenant Marriage [/i] by Gary Chapman is the one I used for a wedding gift to a good friend recently) use exerpts from the Song of Songs [as listed in the article] to indicate that it is not [b]denied[/b] to a mutually consenting married couple.

bill schnippert

 2006/7/17 12:26Profile


I think that if the Bible doesnt directly address an issue, then it is between the person and the Lord. Oral sex for example. No where is oral sex condemned in the Bible... tho some try and lump it under sodomy. GinnyRose considers it gross, but some women do not. That doesnt make GinnyRose wrong, but it also doesnt make the act "ungodly". We have to be very careful not to make our personal preferences a Law when scripture is silent.

And we shouldnt be naive and think that oral sex hasnt been around since the beginning of time.

There are certain sexual acts that scripture does forbid. Sodomy for one, and it should be obvious to everyone why. If for no other reason... it simply isnt healthy.

A couple should communicate about sex, and seek God's advice and leading about anything they are not sure of. If there is any question in either partners mind as to whether or not a particular act is sinful, then they shouldnt do it. If they do then they sin against their own conscience. This goes back to what Paul had to say about liberty and eating certain meats.

A lot of problems could also be avoided with good sound counseling BEFORE marriage.


 2006/7/19 6:37

Promoting Genuine Biblical Revival.
Privacy Policy