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 How many times has this happened to you?


The scene: It could take place in the home you purpose a visit but for this I will choose a chance meeting in “Wally – World” or some other supermarket shopping occasion.

A mother and her young child are in the store where by chance you meet and greet one another as friends or even as family members. At that exact moment the child begins to “act up” demanding the attention of the mother. The mother does little or nothing about the child’s rudeness and you are left with the feeling that you are competing with the child while speaking with the mother especially when she halts your words to give attention to the words/wants/self induced needs of the child, thus making it impossible to do anything else except say goodbye, hope you have a nice day.

I ask ---- what’s wrong with that scene? What would you do to correct it, more importantly, what should the mother do? Why? What issues are at stake?

There is Spiritual application here that can be made.

Orm

 2006/6/29 8:22
Warrior4Jah
Member



Joined: 2005/7/5
Posts: 382
The Netherlands

 Re: How many times has this happened to you?

Not sure what kind of spiritual application you have put on this short story or question, but I don't think you can do anything to correct it.

I suppose if you are good with kids you can try to comfort the kid, but really thats the mothers responsibility. I can imagine that you would make the mother feel ashamed (or insult her) if you would correct her kid.

If the mother wants to have a conversation with you she will try to comfort the child first. But it might even be better to give a visit to the mother or invite her to come by to have a chat. :)

What I usually see with the situation that a kid suddenly 'goes off' is this:
- The mother corrects the kid and lets it know that this is not supposed to happen.
- The mother bribes the kid and rewards it for crying. (Don't cry, I'll buy you an icecream)
- The mother (totally) ignores it.

The second situation is just plain wrong.
Ignoring the child (for a short time) to make it feel ashamed for acting up might be good. I don't know what would be best (even out these options), but you have to let your children know that this is not acceptable behaviour, being rude and wanting things, except if the child is in real distress.

I think the mother should check what the reason of the crying is as it might even be that there is something wrong. Kids and expecially small kids are very often very clearly selfcentered. Nowadays when we are grown up we hide it much better. ;-) (or fool ourselves)


_________________
Jonathan Veldhuis

 2006/6/29 10:51Profile
roadsign
Member



Joined: 2005/5/2
Posts: 3776


 Re:

I raised four kids so understand this kind of challenge very well.


In situations like this, there could very well be an established unhealthy pattern between mom and kid. So you can’t fix it. The mom just doesn’t know how to handle it well.

Children NEED attention and approval. It is not any more selfish than wanting food when they are hungry. So to immediately assume that the kid is bad for being “hungry” is out of line. It just has to be channeled – by teaching delayed gratification.

You ( or ideally mom) could give undivided attention (eye-contact) to the child and say, “When I’m finished talking to so-and-so, I will listen to you. But first, you must be very quiet, so I can hear.” And then you must follow through. Respect the child as you would an adult.

If that has been a pattern, the child will believe it and behave. The problem is when parents chronically do not follow through. Bribing with ice-cream only reinforces the value of misbehaving.

Diane


_________________
Diane

 2006/6/29 11:44Profile









 Re:


[i]"I raised four kids so understand this kind of challenge very well.


In situations like this, there could very well be an established unhealthy pattern between mom and kid. So you can’t fix it. The mom just doesn’t know how to handle it well.

Children NEED attention and approval. It is not any more selfish than wanting food when they are hungry. So to immediately assume that the kid is bad for being “hungry” is out of line. It just has to be channeled – by teaching delayed gratification."[/i]




As a parent, if I say "I don't need to understand my child, my child needs to understand me", what would that say to you?

Orm

 2006/6/29 11:59
Combat_Chuck
Member



Joined: 2006/1/27
Posts: 202


 Re:

If the problem is not an innocent one but that of the childs rebellion-- if I was mom, I'd command the child to stop.

If the child disobeys,

I'd say we need apply the board of correction to the seat of learning.

Or let dad do it when they get home.

By undisciplining children we are harming them, not helping.

Spiritual application? Could it be the way our heavenly Father disciplines those whom He loves?

Adam


_________________
Combat Chuck

 2006/6/29 16:09Profile
Warrior4Jah
Member



Joined: 2005/7/5
Posts: 382
The Netherlands

 Re:

Quote:
Or let dad do it when they get home.



I remember this from when I was a small child.
My mom and I were at a supermarket and I kept on 'asking' (more like demanding) my mom to buy this toycar! I really drove her nuts and eventually she bought it for me and she added, wait till your dad hears this. (something like that)

And yes I was in for some trouble at home. :)


_________________
Jonathan Veldhuis

 2006/6/29 16:28Profile
IRONMAN
Member



Joined: 2004/6/15
Posts: 1924
IN HEAVENLY PLACES WITH JESUS

 Re:

bro Chuck

Quote:
I'd say we need apply the board of correction to the seat of learning.



i like that! :-P


_________________
Farai Bamu

 2006/6/29 17:28Profile









 Re:

Lets narrow the scene a bit:

I walk up to the parent to say hi and politely inquire of the family as to its well being and it is at that moment the child begins to interrupt and compete for mother or dad's attention. Mother or dad allows the interruption[s] which means I just have to repeat what it was I asked or he/her has to do the same until we part company, which is quick to happen.

How do you all feel about that and what now do you think mom or dad should do?

BTW, have any of you ever felt the back of
mothers boney fingers across your mouth?--- I have.

Want to talk about building self-esteem in a child?


;-)rm

 2006/6/29 17:33
IRONMAN
Member



Joined: 2004/6/15
Posts: 1924
IN HEAVENLY PLACES WITH JESUS

 Re:

bro O

Quote:
BTW, have any of you ever felt the back of mothers boney fingers across your mouth?--- I have.

Want to talk about building self-esteem?



it's hard to talk through fat lips isn't it! we learnt from an early age to hush our mouths when grown ups were talking. i'm not sure where exactly the self esteem issue trumps discipline though in the eyes of people :-?


_________________
Farai Bamu

 2006/6/29 17:48Profile









 Re:

Absolutely, Ironman. Just look around at the results as it has been attempted.

Orm

 2006/6/29 17:56





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