I just read a paragraph in a book on Colossians called, "the Mystery of God and the Mystery of Christ".
"Recently a sister asked me a very good question. She said to me, "Brother, It seems that we have discovered a certain fact. Although it is very strange to us, it seems that often when there is a sister who loves the Lord and seeks after Him, her husband is aganist the Lord, and regardless of how much this sister prays for her husband, it seems that her prayers are not answered. Conversely, it seems that often when there is a brother who loves the Lord and seeks after Him, his wife is very much against Him. Why is this? Why is it so difficult to find a couple where both the husband and wife love the Lord? In addition, why is it so often the case that parents who love the Lord have children who do not love the Lord, and children who are pursuing the Lord have parents who are against the Lord? Why is it so difficult to find an entire family who loves the Lord?
The answer to this question is that God's intention is to put us into a situation of suffering, a situation that we have no way to run away from. It is true that some husbands are a great source of pressure to their wives, that some wives are a burning to their husbands, and that some children are a great presure to their parents, and that some parents are a burning to their children. This is all under the Soverign Hand of God".
The more we have the revelation that Christ is all in all to us, the more we will have to be burned and pressed in ouder to actually experience Christ in this way. There are no exceptions to this principle. All seeking believers have to pass through certain pressures and suffer certain hardships. the more we see Christ and seek christ, the more we will experience suffering. On the one hand, to experience Christ is to enjoy something. but on the other hand, to experience Christ is to suffer something. The reason that this is the case is that in order to experience Christ, we have to be put to death. We are all too strong in our self. Thus, there is no other way for us to be brought ot an end and for Christ to be everything to us but for us to be put to death by passing through sufferings."
I would suggest this is not a reason to cease to pray or to expect God to work in our spouse or family members, but we need to realize God's desire is to conform us to the Image of the Firstborn Son of God and the Lord Himself experienced this as it is written, "even his brothers were not believeing in Him."
If we would fellowship with the Lord In His sufferings we must realize that we must felloswhip with Him in His rejection by His family members. We must fellowship with Him in all His experiences .
And God's aim in this is that Christ may become all in all to us.
Often God will keep us in this type of situation for long periods, even years. We pray for our neighbor and they are saved. But we pray for our spouse and they get more rebellious. Why? His aim is to work Christ into us. We can trust the Lord for our spouses that in His time He will gain them. But even if not. WE have Him and He is enough. And often when we come to the place when we genuinly confess that He is enough, then we may see His work in those whom we pray for.