I suppose that I am writing this as a vent. I am very discouraged right now. I am a lay minister and recently some things that I have done are really, really starting to bother me. These things where done a few years ago and really no one knows about them but me and Jesus. Yet, I feel so worthless because they should have bothered me when I did them,, they did but it was not this bad, not like this. On a couple of occasions I was given offerings from people and forgot or promised to pay back the money and spent it (it was not an enormos amount). I’ve lied about stuff, I’ve been a thief(not intentionly) and a liar. I have hated and even threatened to leave my wife on occasion lied to her . My life has been good the past couple of years, and it sure seemed like I was growing, but now this comes and it is at a time in my life when nothing is making sense and it seems as if I cannot even distinguish the voice that is telling me that I am doomed unless I go an right every wrong I can think of and the voice telling me that I have confessed it to the One that it needs to be confessed to , therefore I should go and sin no more. I am broken right now. Sleepless and burdened. The church is now in a state of turmoil in many ways and for some reason I feel that I am the cause of it and that I should leave. I’m really confused right now and I guess I just needed some kind of sounding board. Pray for me that this confusion would stop. It seems that any time that I sin or make a mistake the full weight of all this stuff comes up. I mean, last month I was fine when I learned the word “justified”–but then I goofed up and said somethings I should not have and now I am pounded by all this stuff. It just feels like there is no way out. If I go to the folks that I have wronged (which don’t know I have wronged them) it seems that it would bring a reproach to the Name of Christ and I don’t want to do that. Pray for me please.

wow it sounds like you are human shame shame on you.
why don't you just right now start to do right, always tell the truth, even about the past if it is brought up. give your wife a great big hug and tell her you are glad she puts up with you.
today is the day of salvation start being a man of integrity today. i don't think some things are fixable and you just move on. just my opinion.

I would urge you to listen to the following message from Zac Poonen, I trust it will be of some help in this matter...

[url=https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/mydownloads/visit.php?lid=4252]A Clear Conscience by Zac Poonen[/url]

In Christ,

Ron

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Ron Halverson

I feel for you. I understand, to an extent, how you feel. I've confessed to a few and have been guilty myself at times, while in Christian service here at the church, of falling into sin, not living a godly life in certain areas. A part of me was grieved at the time, "What would so and so think if they knew? Would it cause them to stumble? Would it ruin my witness? Would others be angered by my hypocrisy?" And I know what you mean when you say those things that bothered you a bit then bother you even more so now! Some memories of some recent sins have come to my mind in the middle of church or my quiet time and I was so disgusted by my ungodliness that I wanted to puke. It's a horrible feeling, but what an evidence of the purifying, transforming work God is doing in my heart! True conviction of sin is something to be so thankful for. But be sure, where the Holy Spirit convicts, the enemy is right there to condemn you. If God can soften your numb heart to past sins, how much more can He take care of your feelings of failure, betrayal, condemnation? Fully trust Him to continue to do the renewing work He's doing in you.

Concerning who you should confess to and how to make things right, that's going to have to be the voice of God telling you that. A great tip I heard a preacher recently share concerning discerning God's voice are the following:

1. If the thought in your mind is nothing you would think up of on your own, there's a good chance the thought is from God.
2. If you get this awful, convicting feeling that if you don't obey what the thought told you to do you'll seriously regret it later, that's a good indication that the thought came from God.

And lastly, a verse to leave you with that I [i]just[/i] read the other night:

"For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints" (1 Corinthians 14:33, NKJV). This verse is concerning spiritual gifts and the order and love in which they should be practiced, but nevertheless, God's nature is the same. Take comfort in the fact that He is not the author of confusion. His voice [i]will[/i] be clear if you take the time to spend with Him in stillness and quietness.

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Yolanda Fields

dear brother, i would like to share with you this site where you can download two songs of [url=http://www.members.lycos.nl/vermeulenweb/SELAH/]Selah[/url]

- Before The Throne Of God Above
- You Are My Hiding Place

(right click on the file, and than "save target as")

pray for you!

-William

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William

It sounds to me like you are letting the enemy of your soul , put a whole truck load of guilt on you.
Guilt is never from God.
God knows your heart, and He knows where you are right now, and He loves you soooo much!
He loved you so much that had you been the only person on Earth, He would still have died for you.

You can ask a person for forgiveness without saying what for.

Jesus came to set us free.

I know that you know all this, but I believe God had you to reach out for help, and I know that your past is under the Blood of Jesus.

The thief cometh not but for to steal, kill, and destroy, but I HAVE COME THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE LIFE, AND HAVE IT MORE ABUNDANTLY. JOHN 10:10.

I know that the enemy tries to destroy all of us, because he knows his time is short.

It would just be a guess on my part, but you may be suffering from burn out.

Do your very best just to get alone with Jesus.
You don't have to say anything, He knows your heart, and He will lead, guide, and Direct you.

Father,
I ask You, in Jesus Name, that You would send Your Sweet Holy Spirit to my Brother in Christ.
He needs You.
Only You know the deep pain in His heart.
Give him Godly Wisdom, Godly Knowledge, and Godly Decernment.
Give him a tongue of the learned.
Don't let him speak one Word that isn't of You.
Touch him, heart, soul, mind, body, and spirit..
Most of all, show him how very much YOU love him,
In Jesus Name.

He Loves You.
Nellie

Nellie :-) :-)

I pray(ed) for you, that Jesus may be seen through you more and more!
God bless brother! :-)

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Jonathan Veldhuis

Sir, Your situation is very similar to my own a few years ago. I found I was stuck in a sin which would not go away, basically I couldn't stop looking at ladies in the wrong way, my mind was consumned with devious plans of how to see what was not for me to see. I begged God to help me and I believe He told me to go to 5 ladies whom I had wronged and tell them. I balked at this I couldn't do it one lady was a in my wifes family, another was a 'talkative' lady from my daughter's school. I begged God to give me another way out, but I had crossed the line and this was the only way to stop this sin in my life.
I confessed to my wife and she was very understanding, but I still fell into the trap of looking when I shouldn't.
After 2 years, and promising God I would talk to the first on my 'list', the lady in question came round to visit. I was alone and knew God had arranged this. She could see I had a problem cos I was phisically shaking cos of my fear. I told her what I had done and appologised.
That was 2 years ago. She hasn't spoken to me since. I asked God what would happen if I didn't talk to the rest, He showed me. I would do something I had perhaps done before or maybe take the next step, I would get caught. It would distroy my family and my life, (though I may not go to Hell). I spoke to the other 4 and they are ok with me, one lady trusts me enough to allow me to work in her house alone, after what I had done this is true forgiveness.
Did I do the right thing? Well I am sure people will say not and give biblical reasons for their view. I know I was locked in sin and now I am in a better position. I won't say I am totally free cos I can feel the drawing of the temptatioin. Where my mind was consumed with the weight of my sin, now I am clear. This may not be the way out for you but I concidered suicide and I asked God to take away my sight. This way I learned to die to myself and obey Him. I asked Him years ago to give me a contrite heart, recentlly He told me this was how I could get one.
I would like to point out that my sin was disobedience, I knew what I was doing was wrong and even heard His still small voice on each occasion, asking me not to do it. But I sinned against God and the ladies in question. Many times recently I have heard that same voice saying 'don't do that' or 'stop now' and most of the time I have obeyed.
Please don't listen to me if God is telling you something different. I can only tell how God dealt with me when I felt there was no way out.

God Bless

Ste

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Ste

I have totally been where you are! The Lord spoke something so powerful into my heart and I'd like to share it with you.

He told me that there are basically 2 kinds of children in His church. There are those who live under what we call "cheep grace." Those who sin with no true desire to give it to Jesus. And they go about and say "it's under the blood".

The other type of child is the child waiting for beating or waiting to get kicked to the curb at any moment. [I'm trying to explain this the way He showed it to me] You know when you've seen a child who is abused and at the slightest movement from their parents, their hands cover their heads...well that's the picture I want you to have.

I was definitly like the second child. I thought I was better than the first child for obvious reason. I'd say well "I'm just hard on myslef" But the Lord is not as we are and He sees things the way they truly are.

He said that both of these children disgrace the finished work that He has completed on the cross!! We are not believing HIS perfect love for us. He told me that He desires for His children to rest in HIM. Like a weaned child, rest your head against HIS chest and let HIM speak into your life. Isn't that what a loving father would do?!?

I've had the Lord confront me many many times about the sin in my life. And He will continue to until the day I die. When the Lord puts His finger on an area in our life that needs to change, He will also give us the strengh, knowlege and the grace to do it. Satan just torments us with our failures. He despises what Jesus has done for us. We are ALL dirty rotten sinners, but the BLOOD of CHRIST has washed us whiter than snow...and satan hates us for that one reason!!

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tina

Bro...got an easy answer for you.

"Confess your sins one to another and you will be healed". Thats in James.

I was saved a year ago and while I know I am no longer under condemnation, that doesn't stop the devil from using my old sins against me.

I lied to my mother about something pretty huge back when I was around 18. I am 30 now.

It is something that tortured me for awhile this past year. At first I thought maybe it was the devil attacking but maybe it was actually God showing me that I still had an open offense against another person.

Really, it was just a matter of confessing the lie to my mother...the burden was lifted and I was healed.

its tough. That lie I told my mom normally would have ended any relationship. But God helped and softened her heart.

I'd confess it if I were you. If you can't do it to the person you hurt any more, then confess it to a brother.

Don't be fooled. yes we are under grace and God has forgiven our sins. But when our sin is against another person and it is possible for us to set that straight then it needs to be done.

The evil one can gain footholds to use these things to condemn you. Don't give him a chance. Just remove it from your life.