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Discussion Forum : Miracles that follow the plow : I need prayer

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romanchog
Member



Joined: 2011/10/27
Posts: 338


 I need prayer

First I want to thank you all who have prayed for me while my husband was sick, and who contiue to pray and offer assistance since he passed away.

I come again to bother you and ask for more prayer.

I feel like I want to die.

After an encounter with someone yesterday, I realized that there will be no one on this earth who will love me or take care of me like my husband did. Everyone has their own agenda and are not truly interested in supporting me.

I feel alone.

I have no family emotional support and no church family either. I was dedicated to my husband and my children and never established any close friendships with anyone because I simply did not have the time. I have no one to lean on and no one to lift me up.

Already someone who my husband loved as a brother and I thought was going to be looking out for me has tried to defraud me. Fortunately, the Lord permitted me to find out about it.

I KNOW that God is good. I am trying to run to Him, but I can't even seem to crawl.

I tried to read the Word today, but don't even know what to read. I sat there with my Bible (actually my husband's bible, which is annotated by him) and flipped through the pages trying to find something that would speak to my Spirit.

I know that my husband would tell me, as does the Word, live in light of eternity. Right now I can't seem to get there. Eternity seems so far away, and life and troubles here are so pressing. I am so sick of this world.

I have my children whom I must live for. It is the only reason I get up in the morning, the only reason I cook, look for work, etc. This life seems to me so meaningless.

And I KNOW (though I don't feel) that my God has a purpose in all this. I just wonder what it could be. I have suffered almost constantly for the last 5 years with prodigal children, being accused by them of not even being their mother (not literally) even though I poured out my life for them, rejection from my parents and my siblings, the death of my father (unsaved). And now the Lord chooses to take my only friend and counselor. I don't understand why God thinks I need to suffer so much. Is there so much evil in me that needs to be cleansed?

I have sought always to live for Him.

Please God forgive me if I am sinning. I am not trying to judge You for I KNOW (even though I don't feel it) that You are Good. I need Your presence, I need to FEEL that You are with me, I need to HEAR Your voice so that I know where to go and what to do. Please LORd sustain me and give me strength for this journey.


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Natalie

 2013/1/23 11:15Profile









 Re: I need prayer

Quote:
After an encounter with someone yesterday, I realized that there will be no one on this earth who will love me or take care of me like my husband did. Everyone has their own agenda and are not truly interested in supporting me.



It is truly distressing to hear of your encounter Sister, it is also good to know that the Lord kept you in it. Vengeance is Mine saith the Lord, I will repay. That man will soon know well enough in his own body where the mind of God is in these things.

Sister has not the Lord Himself set before you an opportunity to overcome all of your present difficulties by accepting that which is already freely given, and more besides if it please God? Understanding the pain of loss and the provocation which it has made lies at the heart of God’ healing power. Who but the Lord could raise up a thief in order to demonstrate the righteousness of God, to the fearful soul? Our trust must be the Lord Himself. In that knowledge we are kept and in that keeping we will prosper and come into unfathomable grace to overcome and to be at peace. From such a mind of trust even Satan himself cannot harm us or challenge our confidence in God.

In a mind of understanding that you are truly afraid to trust beyond that which you have learned, especially in the last year or so, it is impossible to e-mail you privately again. I just ask you Sister to consider the sovereignty of God and what a fearful thing it is to fall into His hands for the man or woman who sets a trap for those who are at the centre of His concern. I also comprehend that because you are presently unable to hear the Lord for yourself, you have no basis for trusting anyone beyond that which forms part of your husbands heritage. Hence the man who proved untrustworthy. The hand of the stranger will prove more difficult but by God’ intention it will also prove more satisfying and make certain that it is God who receives the praise and thanks for His goodness and mercy.

In this confidence dear Sister, in Christ, may the Lord give you peace.


 2013/1/23 13:53
ccchhhrrriiisss
Member



Joined: 2003/11/23
Posts: 4779


 Re: I need prayer

Hello sister,

My wife and I are praying for you. Although we have never experienced what you are going through and did not know your husband, we do hurt with you.

I tried sending an email (with my wife at my side), but I don't know if you received it. Is there some way by which others can send you a small gift or word of encouragement?

As a brother in the Lord, I would encourage you to seek Christian family members (if you have any) or a local body for which you can turn to during times of need. This is one of the important rolls of the local Church.

Please be encouraged, dear sister. You are in our prayers and I am confident that the Lord will guide you through this "valley of the shadow of death."


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Christopher

 2013/1/23 15:38Profile
dohzman
Member



Joined: 2004/10/13
Posts: 2132


 few things

please forgive me if I should write without knowledge of your situation.As I understand your request it seems as if you have lost your husband.Loss is always difficult and with that loss are a whole bunch of feelings and often times guilt. The grieving process can last for many years.You need to know that the Lord understands and gives us all permission to grieve. Throughout the whole of the bible the Lord's people have grieved over loss, during the times when you are grieving, simply invite Jesus to grieve with you.Don't place a time limit on this process since it's different for everyone.

Looking at circumstances can sometimes lead to condemnation and get us to second guess who we are in Christ Jesus...and I know its easy sometimes to just say look to Jesus when everything within us and in our circumstances tries to force us to look everywhere else, this can be a trap meant to depress us.Elijah of old was instructed to get plenty of rest and eat properly. That is a good place to start physically. Spiritually he was warmed by the fire (God's presence?) feed by an Angel(food for the journey ahead) and he rested in the Love of God who wasn't done with him yet(there remains a rest for the people of God.)

Guilt over not reading the Word of God can be like a slippery slope and cause one to be overwhelmed with the where do I start and eventually they just give up on starting at all.Here's an idea that may help you. Take the book of Proverbs and read the chapter that goes with the day of the month, say January 25th, you would read Proverbs ch 25, if you miss a day, no sweat, just pick up on the day of the month ...an example would be you read 25,26 and missed reading on the 27th and today is the 28th...just read for today...the 28th...leave the 27th behind..Use this to help you get started and if you have time do more reading as you can in the other books, considering your present state you may want to consider to the Psalms.


"Now than there is no condemnation ....."
Practically speaking if you "do" the next thing that needs done you'll be just fine, I speak about life in general.
I hope that you can find the strength to find fellow believers in your local area especially a woman's group where you can get the moral support as well as the spiritual support to help you. I have use an old saying that goes like this, "the banana that strays from the bunch get pealed". Find some other bananas to hang with that share your love for Jesus, who can help you emotionally and spiritually with thier friendship and prayers.


_________________
D.Miller

 2013/1/23 17:11Profile
romanchog
Member



Joined: 2011/10/27
Posts: 338


 Re:

ccchhhrrriiisss and Mr. Kelly:
Thank you for your kindness.

Yes, chris, I did receive your e-mail. I will respond to you privately.

None of my family members are walking with the Lord (they all belog to a cult). All of my husband's siblings are saved, but none (except one who lives abroad) has demonstrated that they understand the meaning of fellowship and support in all the years that I have known them. They do not mean badly; they are just self-centered as so many of us have been and are. It still hurts me though that they don't seem to show any interest in even finding out what my needs are or even in just showing emotional support. I am expected by them to just go along as if nothing happened, attending all the family events (which are worldly and never involve God in any way).

My husband has a very close relative who is a Christian who was closer to him than all his siblings. I had thought I could count on him and his wife, especially because he was so often an encouragement to my husband during his illness and prayed such deep meaningful prayers for him. My husband loved for this man to pray for him; it brought him peace. Alas, it will not be possible for me to count on him, since it was this person who I found out tried to defraud me. I don't really know how to handle this, whether I should confront him or just pretend I don't know about it. I have prayed to God for guidance. I don't think his wife is aware of what he had planned.

So I find myself alone. Of course, I have my 6 children at home. But I am supposed to be sustaining them, not the other way around. Thank be to God that they are doing okay and (up to now) are taking the death of their Dad very well. I know that a time will come when they will get hit by the reality of his absence and I pray that at that point I will have the strenth to help them.

I also have 3 prodigals, two adult daughters and a son. My son has tried to be supportive, and that I appreciate. My daughters I know in their own way have tried to "be there" for me, but their "help" causes me more grief. I am struggling also in that I am now alone in dealing with their rebelliousness and ungodliness, which I have to make sure do not contaminate my younger ones.

Right now I do not have the strength. I know that God will give me what I need, otherwise He would not have let this happen. I think of Job, who lost all his children on the same day, as well as his health and the support of his wife. And then his friends came and accused him. He also felt like dying and wished not to be born. I pray that I can have the faith of Job, who suffered more than I.

I just want this pain in my chest to go away that seems to take my breath away, the loneliness, the fear of the unknown, of making mistakes that will be hurtful to my children or to me.


_________________
Natalie

 2013/1/23 17:19Profile
mama27
Member



Joined: 2010/11/20
Posts: 1482


 Re:

I am praying, Natalie....since I also have prodigals, I know the wrenching pain associated with it....I have not lost a husband, but I watched my mother become a widow at age 49, and heard her many times say how she had to be strong for my brother and myself. Sometimes the painful things in life DO just take your breath away....I too, know the feeling of what you "ought" to be doing, but you can barely crawl. It sounds way too simplistic, but I have had many times where I just cried, "Jesus....you will have to carry this, because I cannot".... I think it is WAY too soon to be expecting yourself to be feeling better. As someone else posted, grief - especially losing a spouse - can take years. Know that many here are praying and you are loved, though there's no way we can take the pain away....

 2013/1/23 22:46Profile
arkp
Member



Joined: 2012/2/8
Posts: 51


 Re: I need prayer

romanchog,

I am sadden to hear your inner most turmoil. May you recieve confirmation of that which you seek in peace and in the presence of his spirit and truth.


By Charles Spurgeon

I like to open the Bible and pray, "Lord God, let the words leap off the page into my soul; make them vivid, powerful, and fresh to my heart."

"How are we to handle this sword of 'It is written'? First, with deepest reverence. Let every word that God has spoken be law and gospel to you. Never trifle with it; never try to evade its force or change its meaning. God speaks to you in this book as much as if he came to the top of Sinai and lifted up his voice with thunder.

I like to open the Bible and pray, 'Lord God, let the words leap off the page into my soul; make them vivid, powerful, and fresh to my heart.'"

Our Lord Himself felt the power of the Word. It was not so much the devil who felt the power of 'It is written" as Christ Himself. The manhood of Christ felt an awe of the Word of God, and so the Word became a power to Christ. To trifle with Scripture is to deprive yourself of its aid. Reverence it, and look up to God with devout gratitude for having given it to you.

 2013/1/24 0:20Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7534
Mississippi

 Re: I need prayer

After Regina died I met a widow in a store and she asked me how I was doing. (Regina was our 25 YO daughter that died from a glioblastoma, was married and had two children.) I do not recall saying a whole lot but she said, "Just trust Jesus." Natalie, these words have come back and ministered to me more then anything else could. And it still does, "Just trust Jesus." Of course, it is not these words that bring comfort, it is the act of Trusting Jesus that does.

Natalie, there is no hope, no comfort that can ever surpass Jesus' comfort - no one. Just stay there by Him, take a hold of that door knob and rattle it until it opens. It will.

I know when our son-in-law was grieving over the loss of his wife, he would lie in bed and just cry with his children. Do not know how many crying sessions they had, but tears are normal and not to be shunned.

Yes, I know dealing with prodigals is very hard, so hard...I say it is worse then dealing with the death of a child...

God bless you and will continue to pray for you.

Sandra


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2013/1/24 7:28Profile
ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7534
Mississippi

 Re: I need prayer

____________________________________________________________
QUOTE:
" I don't understand why God thinks I need to suffer so much. Is there so much evil in me that needs to be cleansed?"
____________________________________________________________


Natalie, I know you are in deep grief...your security has had its props knocked out from under you. You are asking many serious questions and they are a result from the blessings you have enjoyed over many years.

You feel a need to know why God chose to remove your husband from your life and home. I doubt any human being can answer this question and least of all you.

For one thing, God is NOT punishing you. Death is a promise - was one made before you or me ever lived - it has been operational ever since Adam and Eve sinned. Only a couple people have escaped it and those that did how do you think others responded to their escape, being left?

You say your husband was a godly man - be thankful you experienced that. Being bereft of it makes you much more aware of how blessed you were, hence the grief. Not many wives can say that.

It is not because you have so much evil that God removed him from your home...let me share an important principle the LORD laid on my heart after he took Regina.

I used to wonder why he took a young mother who loved her children - she had a lot to live for...WHY? I used to think that this is one question I am going to ask God when I get to heaven, "WHY?" In time I came to realize God does not owe me an explanation at all. He is God and can jolly well do as he pleases without anyone else's permission! AND...by the time I will get to heaven it will not matter at all anyways, so I have decided to forgo that question when I get there.

ANOTHER...I believe each of God's children has a mission to fulfill on earth. When this mission is completed, God will take them home - to live beyond this time would be counterproductive. He/she could become a hindrance to God's work. True, I have no scripture to defend this position but I do believe this to be the case - the LORD impressed this upon my mind as I was dealing with grief.

If this person would live beyond God's intended purpose it could cause more grief then what his/her death would have caused had he/she died earlier. There are testimonies of people who were terminally ill who the LORD allowed to survive because of the demands of loved ones only to cause a LOT of grief to the family because they ended up living for the devil or their existence made life increasingly difficult for their loved ones.

Natalie, it is OK to weep...but know that when God calls his children home it was no accident but supervised by God himself.

You mentioned how you think your children are handling it well....just make double sure this is the case. They may see how it is effecting you and will refuse to divulge their own feelings to you because they do not want to burden you any further but they do need comfort and reassurance. They need you...

Praying for you...

Sandra


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2013/1/25 9:11Profile









 Re: I need prayer

Natalie. I'm sorry for all the things that happened to you. I'm not sure I can completely relate to how you feel. But I do know what it feels like "to want to die". I'm going through so many trials right now, I really would not mind if I got ran over by a truck today.

Here is the short version.

I'm a male younger professional who had a decent career. I was making a decent salary but I felt like I did not know Christ. After I got laid off, I had enough saved up, and a good financial cushion to start a company. God told me, don't start a company, knowing me is more important, forsake all and follow me. Seek the kingdom first and all these things shall be added. Do you trust me codek, how much do you really want to know me? How important am I to you. Don't you know that you are more important than sparrows and they are taken care of? Will you forsake all to follow me?


Here is a little background. God has NEVER come through in my life. I followed Him with all my heart and I got slaughtered for decades. I befriend the outcasts in high school including someone with down syndrome in his 30's. My friends would all make fun of me and say why did you bring that weirdo to church. Someone remarked "wow, you actually believe in God". This is very sad because she said this in a bible study. I guess no one else "actually believed in God". Another person once said to me "wow, you actually do what God tells you to do"(she was inferring that most christians talk the big talk but never actually do what Jesus commands) Following God completely ruined my life and I never got to know him. There was no purpose in all the stupid hardships I went through.

But like a moron, I thought to myself. Maybe I didn't try hard enough, I didn't literally give up everything before.

So I did what he asked, whoever this God was. I really tried to find God and I did as I was told. I gave up everything. I would go to church, do evangelism, feed the homeless, feed my fellow brothers, read the word, pray. All I did was seek Christ and serve my bros/sisters since 2009.

I wanted to find a job but God kept saying, don't worry God will provide. I was down to my last thousand dollars, on the brink of bankruptcy and God was nowhere to be seen. All of my so called friends who wept with me in prayer were nowhere to be found. They all deserted me. I was tricked by God into doing this and I regret it everyday. I was truly about to go bankrupt, I even applied for food stamps. Yet no one offered me donations or any help. A couple people thankfully gave me some good advice. But besides a few, most would "just pray for me". I learned a valuable lesson that day, you can't trust people, and even the most holy christians will not give you $100 to help you. One even ridiculed me on the phone telling me how stupid all of this was. This is really seeking after God, you put everything on the line, including your life, folks, it isn't stupid cause it is impractical.



I gave up on God, disobeyed him and found a job. I found temporary work but my boss was evil. He made us temp workers work a 24hour shift so he would look good. And he would threaten us if we reported him to the agency because he would not allow us to get paid for this overtime. I stood up to him and he found a reason to let me go. I then told God to shove it and started looking for another job. I had to move 6 hours away for this job. This wasn't answered prayer, this was me finding a job. Only this situation was even worse. The org I worked was evil beyond imagination and everyone was out to get each other. I couldn't handle the stress so I gained 35lbs in 3 months and had to go on disability. I lost 250k in savings, lost income, etc for the last couple of years to seek Christ, only to have all my friends and so called bro/sisters in christ abandon me and to be ridiculed for the most part on this forum.

None of these people on this thread could actually talk except for ginnyrose cause they don't know what it feels like to "willfully give up everything" for Christ to find him.

Instead of just offering token prayers, what you really need is money. Since, supposedly the people on this forum are such strong believers, I believe they should be willing to give even a small donation of some kind. I am about to go on food stamps again and don't have a job and used up everything and I got into a lot of credit card debt, but I can offer a 50 dollar donation for now because this is what you need along with prayer. It isn't much but this is all I can give right now. If I can find a job within the next month, I can assist further and even in greater amounts. If you need further donations, I am willing to assist in any way possible since I am unable to do a lot on my own but I'm gifted in the area of business somewhat, so I can help in other ways. Also, I can help you setup a paypal type account where people can more freely donate. I'm doing this because I don't think you currently have the experience or skillset to run your own company right now. And if I truly said that I follow Christ, how can I stand here and do nothing.

Isn't this what the church of acts did? And isn't this what we so lack in the church today? Aren't we suppose to be the hands and feet of Christ? How can we not even offer to you a small donation and say " we love each other as ourselves" Do we really "give to all who ask"

HOW ARE WE ANY DIFFERENT FROM THE WORLD? TO ME, WE ALL LOOK THE SAME.

I am so sick of christians who offer all these prayers yet don't give up anything for others while they are living decently. I don't have much of anything anymore but I offer you this because this is what Christ commands.

Please email me at [email protected] to further discuss.




disclaimer to scammers: i'm not stupid.






 2013/1/28 21:15





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