| My Spiritual Crisis|
I'm in need of some kind of directions or suggestions.
Here is my story:
I've been a church goer since the age of 9, where I went along to the local Pente. Church because it was a family that I never had. I got baptized because it was the thing to do, and I served and was a good member but had no clue about where I stood in relation to God and eternity.
Fast forward 10 years later, and I left home and moved in with some fellow young Christians. I went along to their church, and promptly encountered God and finally got washed and received the inner witness and assurance. I was healed of emotional hurts from my childhood, I started excelling in everything I did and got numerous promotions at work (was youngest and newest in my office, but the favour was unbelieveable). I was also healed of a recurring collapsed lung; my point is that I was in a place where the life of God was everywhere, I had the Holy Ghost like crazy, and I would encounter miracles very often. It was definitely the fulfillment of 3 prophecies I had as a young kid.
Now I want to further expound on this church I was a part of; The pastor is fairly well-known in certain circles, and the church was aligned with the likes of Benny Hinn, Jesus Culture, etc etc. Pretty much the newly emerging 'holy ghost rollers' with great emphasis on physical healing. The church is mostly extremely exuberant and 'know-it-all' under 30's.
I somehow came across Ravenhill, Tozer, Reidhead, and many others, and was hungry for so much of those sermons. I brought old books and devoured them, even purchasing a $300 copy of a John Wesley Redfield biography from the USA. At this stage I was growing very fast, and felt this path of teaching was God-inspired. However, I was the only one in the church using this material.
Basically what happened was, the church would jump from one currently popular anointed christian worship leader/group, and I would struggle to keep up with the culture and feel condemned. There was a definite anointing and much movement of the spirit, but I didn't really want to be moving here or there for the latest global movement. Some of my peers and leaders were making comments about how I should do this, or do that, or less of that, or don't do that. So many conflicting pressures, and I was eventually labelled as rebellious. All this lead to much hurt, anger and honestly, bitterness toward a few people.
I stopped attending because my spiritual life and walk with God just fell apart, and I was having to see a psychiatrist for a few months. I took a break to figure out who I am and to reflect. I prayed, and released those who I felt hurt me. During this time I totally shut myself off from the church, because anyone trying to contact me would bring up a terrible sorrow of the 'death' of my faith.
My dilemma is that I want to be right with God, however since I left the church He has totally gone silent (with exception for a few touches from the Spirit) and my appetite for anything spiritual is virtually nil. I can't pretend that He isn't who He is, and I know that I am to serve in some capacity in the future. I used to wake up in the mornings with the warmth of the Holy Spirit on my shoulders (like walking under a heater), and I greatly miss that companionship and rich personal fellowship. I yearn to walk into building again, and just meet with God, with no condemnation from people. I don't want to go back, because I don't want to be part of a 'zealously spiritual expansionist' movement. But I also know there is a correlation between me leaving the church, and the severing of the spirit from my life.
| 2011/8/9 3:46||Profile|
| Re: My Spiritual Crisis|
I don't know very much about God, or how to meet God.
I met with him on a mountain and we have been walking together ever since. I just listened to a sister share about the work amongst the heroine addicts in Hong Kong. Like her, I just want to love Jesus and other people. That's all it is to me now. I know he is coming back soon, and that his Spirit is working mightily among the poor and destitute, like myself, my brothers, and sisters around the world. This brings me much peace and joy, because Jesus is getting the love that he deserves, and my brothers and sisters are rejoicing with the angels in heaven as the lost are found.
I posted a link below about that sister's testimony about how God uses the foolish things. I will pray for you. Peace in Christ.
| 2011/8/9 4:18||Profile|
| Re: My Spiritual Crisis|
Brother put away Ravenhill, Wesley, etc. There is only one book you need, the New Testament. Get alone with God. You ask him to meet you in the pages of his word. Then start reading in Mathews and go all the way through to Revelation. If you have not met Christ somewhere in the pages of his word then read it again and again until he shows up. The promise of scripture is come near to me and I will come near to you. Also those that seek God must believe that he exist and he rewards those who seek him.
Will keep you on prayer. God speed to you.
| 2011/8/9 13:39|
| Re: My Spiritual Crisis|
Bedson your story sounds somewhat familiar to mine. That is, I too have had the Holy Spirit in my life His tender touch for over 30 years. He may have worked somewhat different in my life. But the Lord lead me and spoke things to me and revealed things to me. I had a great intercessory prayer ministry. But one day about 18 months ago, I woke up and the Holy Spirit had moved far away from me. Why? SIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was a long standing sin problem and eventually the Lord just said, "enough". My life has been very painful ever since. For several months I wanted to die and commit suicide.
You say at the very end, "But I also know there is a correlation between me leaving the church and the severing of the spirit from my life"
Sorry, brother but it has nothing to do with it in a relgious sense. I believe the only reason the Holy Spirit may have moved away from you is because of sin in your own life. I don't know the details of that. But if I was in your position I would say forget ministry, forget prosperity ministry, forget healing ministry, just Lord Jesus what have I done to offend you, and what can I do to have you back in my life with your close touch and your anointing again? Who the heck cares about anything else?
| 2011/8/9 13:41|
| Re: |
Get back to the Bible. Period.
Go one step further than martyr suggested, I recommend the entire Bible... not just the New Testament.
The last poster may or may not be right. There does not necessarily have to be some deep rooted sin in your life. Thats really bad theology. Sometimes we go thru the desert because God takes us thru the desert... and He has His reasons. The last poster sounds just like Job's friends.
Maybe there is sin, and if so... deal with it. But I think God is simply stripping all the fluff away from you and getting you down to the core of things. I went thru a similar thing. Glad I did!
Get back to the Word and nothing else.
| 2011/8/9 13:55|
| Re: My Spiritual Crisis|
"But I also know there is a correlation between me leaving the church, and the severing of the spirit from my life."
In your concluding statement there you really talk about where the rubber meets the road. But, you're kind of short on details there. I just know in my own life the Holy Spirit didn't leave because I changed churches.
But your post in spite of how long it is is also vague about a lot of things. What do you mean the Holy Spirit severed? You mean you lost the anoiting for miracles? Do you mean you didn't have His soft touch when you would pray? Do you mean He just moved away from you in all areas of your life?
Were you trying to live a spiritual life in the power of the flesh? Satan will always come to collect if you do this. Sorry brother, but I still don't understand why the Holy Spirit moved away from you. I honestly don't think it had anything to do with you leaving that church. But I have heard stories of the Holy Spirit leaving men who embraced some kind of false teaching and didn't repent of it. I think you are going to have to be more forthcoming about what is going on in your life. Here's a good read on grieving or quenching the Holy Spirit:
Quote from Spurgeon below:
"Hearken to me for a moment, and God bless the words. Brother, stay not a moment in a condition so perilous; be not easy for a single second in the absence of the Holy Ghost. I beseech you use every means by which that Spirit may be brought back to you. Once more, let me tell you distinctly what the means are. Search out for the sin that has grieved the Spirit, give it up, slay that sin upon the spot; repent with tears and sighs; continue in prayer, and never rest satisfied until the Holy Ghost comes back to you. Frequent an earnest ministry, get much with earnest saints, but above all, be much in prayer to God, and let your daily cry be, "Return, return, O Holy Spirit return, and dwell in my soul." Oh, I beseech you be not content till that prayer is heard, for you have become weak as water, and faint and empty while the Spirit has been away from you."
And here's another good link on the subject, and it is a lot shorter:
| 2011/8/9 15:23|
| Re: |
Endzone... I just want to let you know my comment was not meant as a slam. I just disagree that it what he is going thru is necessarily cause by a sin. It could be, but may not be. Since we do not know this gentleman we need to be careful not to draw hard line conclusions.
| 2011/8/9 15:34|
| Re: |
I'm very appreciative of the replies, and there are some valid points raised.
I am an extremely honest, open and transparent person. If it was sin, I would probably know about it. Prior to the bad season, I was going through a great season with lots of blessings and visions etc. I want to also point out that I wasn't involved in ministry or leadership; I just attended church and helped in any way that I could.
I can't identify anything that the Lord was pinpointing in me, so I am at a loss as to what happened.
The Holy Spirit was my most valued and treasured companion; I respected Him, loved Him, tried my hardest to listen and follow him with the most sincere heart possible.
I was also very guarded and jealous with my relationship with God. I was open to input from people, but I would dismiss anything that I thought was not for me. I would weigh it up with the Holy Spirit and prayer.
I am certainly happier and much more peaceful than I was at the church; constantly struggling with intense scrutiny I perceived from others, and also coupled with my own personal high standards.
| 2011/8/9 20:40||Profile|
Phoenix, Arizona USA
| Re: |
"Above all, taking the shield of faith..."
What doth this "above all" point to? There is variety among interpreters about it. Jerome reads it, in all things taking the shield of faith; i.e. in all duties, enterprises, temptations or afflictions - in whatever you are called to do or suffer, take faith. "Without faith it is impossible to please God. And how can the Christian ever please himself in that wherein he doth not please his God?
Others read it, "Over all, take the shield of faith;" i.e. take it over all your graces, as that which will cover them. All other graces have their safety from faith; they lie secure under the shadow of faith, as an army lies safe under the protection and command of a strong castle, planted round with cannons.
But, we shall follow our translation, as being most comprehensive "Above all, take," etc.; that is, among all the pieces of armour which you are to provide and wear for your defence, let this have the pre-eminence of your care to get, and having got, to keep.
Now, that the apostle meant to give a pre-eminency to faith above the other graces is seen
First By the piece of armour that he compares it to the shield. This, of old, was prized above all other pieces by soldiers. They counted it greater shame to lose their shield, that to lose the field, and therefore when under the very foot of their enemy, they would not part with it, but esteemed it an honour to die with their shield in their hand. It was the charge that one laid upon her son, going into war, when she gave him a shield, that he should either bring his shield home with him, or be brought hope upon his shield.
Second By the noble effect that is here ascribed to faith - "by which ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked." The other pieces are nakedly commended, "take the girdle of truth, breastplate of righteousness," and so on
yet, when Paul speaks of faith, he ascribes the whole victory to it. This quenched "all the fiery darts of the wicked." Every piece hath its necessary use in the Christian's warfare, but their efficacy and our benefit from them is in their conjunction with faith. "Above all, taking the shield of faith."
| 2011/8/9 20:56||Profile|
| Re: My Spiritual Crisis|
You are in the minority and you are blessed to have been led out of all of the hype that so many Christians get caught up in.
Sin will keep you out of fellowship with God, but if we repent and cofess our sins to the Lord that fellowship will be restored.
There are dry seasons that we go to from time to time, but don't let that keep you from seeking God, because if you seek the Lord with all of your heart, then you will find Him.
You have a hunger for God and all those that hunger and thirst for righteousness shall be filled. The most important thing that you can do is to know God through the Word and the revelation of the Holy Spirit.
It is also important that you are in fellowship with other Christians. The Lord will lead you as you seek Him and ask Him for guidance.
The presence of the Lord will return to you as you seek the Lord and wait on Him, but remember that whether you feel God or not is no indication of how you are doing spiritually. Put your faith in the faithfulness of God and in His unchangeable Word regardless of your feelings. God will keep you in perfect peace if you set your mind on those things that are above. Good spiritual books are helpful as the Lord leads, but the bible should always be the primary book that you go to. Ask the Holy Spirit to lead and teach you in the reading of the Word.
| 2011/8/9 21:41||Profile|