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Discussion Forum : General Topics : You Know You're Visiting a Bad Church If...

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ginnyrose
Member



Joined: 2004/7/7
Posts: 7431
Mississippi

 Re:

The name of Jesus is not mentioned: they only use the term "God". True story. A couple moved into a city nearby, attended a church for several weeks and soon they noticed they never said Jesus name!

ginnyrose


_________________
Sandra Miller

 2007/2/3 9:55Profile
ccchhhrrriiisss
Member



Joined: 2003/11/23
Posts: 4491


 Re: You Know You're Visiting a Bad Church If...

Hey Krispy...

I just read some of these and they are very funny! Thanks!

:-)


_________________
Christopher

 2007/2/3 10:57Profile
ccchhhrrriiisss
Member



Joined: 2003/11/23
Posts: 4491


 Re:

Quote:

SDE wrote:
...the sermon is based on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. (true story)



...or worse, the sermon is based on [i]Waterboy[/i] (true story)!

:-(


_________________
Christopher

 2007/2/3 10:59Profile
Compton
Member



Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 2732


 Re:

Hi JoeA

Quote:
. . . the church hosts a vintage car show after it's AM service, at the end of which the pastor rides out of the sanctuary on a motorcycle with "Born to be wild" playing over the sound system.



Don't know if you caught it, but I mentioned another worship service with "Born to be Wild" earlier in this same thread!

There must have been a 'Steppenwolf' annointing moving through the churches! ;-)

MC

(Edit: I had to elaborate on this...our worship team at this church was asked to perform the song one morning. So the singer starts screaming into the microphone against rockin' drums and chugging guitars, "Get your motor runnin' Head out on the highway...Lookin' for adventure, blah blah..." Then just before the chorus he exhorts the congregation like it's a gospel jamboree, "C'mon church!" and everyone all together joins in "Born to be wild! Born to be wild.!"

I wasn't there that day but my wife tells me later in that service there were also several prophecies about angels pourng incense bowls of blessings out on the church. ...or was it bowls of rainbow flavored skiddles? I can't remember :-( ...)


_________________
Mike Compton

 2007/2/3 11:37Profile
JoeA
Member



Joined: 2004/11/29
Posts: 364
Decatur, Illinois

 Re:

Quote:
Don't know if you caught it, but I mentioned another worship service with "Born to be Wild" earlier in this same thread!



Yeah, i did see that. Your story seems to be sadder than mine because of the "prophecy".

When will a respected man of God stand up in one of these churches and say "Where is God in all of this?"


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Joe Auvil

 2007/2/3 23:05Profile
John173
Member



Joined: 2007/1/30
Posts: 289
Omaha

 Re: You Know You're Visiting a Bad Church If...

You go to the senior pastors wedding and the ushers are clowns.

The pastor wears a rainbow vestment robe.

The pastor prays with you after your own wedding and begins "Dear Father/mother God..."

I'm sad to say this was my own mother :-(

No, she did not perform my wedding.

Help, help, pray for me please!
(I've been praying for her for years)

Doug


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Doug Fussell

 2007/2/3 23:58Profile
Spitfire
Member



Joined: 2004/8/3
Posts: 633


 Re:

...When every week it's the same 50 people talking about how they are going to take this city for God, but that same 50 people's lives never change.

 2007/2/4 6:00Profile









 Re:

...when the first thing you hear after the service is 'What did you think of the rugby yesterday?'

 2007/2/4 8:33
Compton
Member



Joined: 2005/2/24
Posts: 2732


 Re:

...

Quote:
Your story seems to be sadder than mine because of the "prophecy".



Prophecies were a weekly habit in that church. They considered themselves a prophetic people...by this they meant not that they were a people who listened to and obeyed the Word...but that they believed in giving prophecies.

Quote:
When will a respected man of God stand up in one of these churches and say "Where is God in all of this?"



Usually a few seconds before he becomes a disrespected man...

MC


_________________
Mike Compton

 2007/2/4 14:16Profile









 Re:

Not a very funny one but happened to me...

When the minister hurries down from the pulpit as fast as possible at the end of the service, but too late! All the congregation have already gone home - except for the people counting the offering, (one of whom is probably also in charge of locking up).

 2007/2/4 18:51





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