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Discussion Forum : General Topics : You Know You're Visiting a Bad Church If...

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 You Know You're Visiting a Bad Church If...

Just trying to add a little satire... Not sure this is as humorous as it is sad... Anyway, add more if you wish...

Krispy

[b]You Know You're Visiting a Bad Church If...[/b]

10.) The usher asks if you prefer the smoking or non-smoking section.

9.) Your Christmas Eve service is broadcast live on FOXNews. (think about it…)

8.) Regular attendees earn frequent flyer miles.

7.) 8:30am service replaced by an extreme image make-over class with Dr. Phil.

6.) Baptismal tank has a wave-maker machine.

5.) Bibles in pews replaced with Revolve Bible-zines.

4.) Sign out front has latest pastors name written with dry erase markers.

3.) Offering plates mounted with credit card swipers.

2.) Worship team performs their favorite Led Zepplin medley; with the altar call being "Stairway to Heaven."

1.) Banner across front of sanctuary reads, "Today's Worship Service Brought to You by... Chevrolet."

 2007/1/31 14:21
iansmith
Member



Joined: 2006/3/22
Posts: 963
Wheaton, IL

 Re: You Know You're Visiting a Bad Church If...

Kind of along the same lines, I don't know who said it, 'If you find a Perfect Church, don't go there, you'll just mess it up!'


_________________
Ian Smith

 2007/1/31 14:40Profile
JaySaved
Member



Joined: 2005/7/11
Posts: 1131
Kentucky

 Re: You Know You're Visiting a Bad Church If...

Three times you are asked to move because you are in 'their seat'.

 2007/1/31 14:41Profile
JaySaved
Member



Joined: 2005/7/11
Posts: 1131
Kentucky

 Re:

...the baptistery is in the shape of a firetruck and confetti cannons fire when a person comes up out of the water.

 2007/1/31 14:49Profile
JaySaved
Member



Joined: 2005/7/11
Posts: 1131
Kentucky

 Re:

...when the offering plate is handed to you, an usher opens a notebook and tells you how much you need to give.

 2007/1/31 14:51Profile
JaySaved
Member



Joined: 2005/7/11
Posts: 1131
Kentucky

 Re:

...the pastor keeps referring to you by name during his sermon on hell.

 2007/1/31 14:56Profile
iansmith
Member



Joined: 2006/3/22
Posts: 963
Wheaton, IL

 Re: You Know You're Visiting a Bad Church If...

Ok, I'll join in.

'They just finished their 10 million dollar building project and they've already started raising money for their 20 million dollar building.'


_________________
Ian Smith

 2007/1/31 15:00Profile
roaringlamb
Member



Joined: 2003/6/11
Posts: 1519
Santa Cruz California

 Re:

On your way in you see a bearded man knocking on the door to be let in, and folks inside refer to Him as the crazy legalistic guy outside.


_________________
patrick heaviside

 2007/1/31 15:07Profile
JaySaved
Member



Joined: 2005/7/11
Posts: 1131
Kentucky

 Re:

...the female pastor begins her sermon as follows: 'I thought I would begin by telling a story, many people tell me that I am good at telling stories...'

Actually happened at a Methodist Christmas Eve service.

 2007/1/31 15:17Profile









 Re:

Quote:
On your way in you see a bearded man knocking on the door to be let in, and folks inside refer to Him as the crazy legalistic guy outside.



oooo..... owch!! (thats a good picture of the church in America!)

Krispy

 2007/1/31 15:21





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